#comradarie

We are one, other Jaiden.

We are one in the night.

Give your support even if this does not involve offering advice

Remember their birthday

Be an active participant (e.g. attend games, help with projects)

Say "I love you."

Admit when you are wrong and apologize

Tell them how you truly feel

Keep your promises

Ask how they are feeling

Respect their hobbies, preferences and opinions

Set healthy boundaries

Express each others expectations and needs

Set aside days for spending time together (Stay in touch)

Always remind yourself that relationships are alive and must be kept as such. Do not assume your close girlfriends and boyfriends will stand by you if they are neglected.

For the last year and a half, this challenge has been at the forefront of my calendar. And this past Sunday, the course was conqured by a group of 13 that dubbed themselves "Team Beat the Beast." For many of us, it was the first time we have ever completed a course that was this physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding. It was a proud moment to cross the finish line on Sunday, almost to the point where tears would started streaming down my face. It sounds ridiculous, but it's one of those things you have to experience to fully understand. The main goal of completing this challenge was to bring some closure on things which have taken place in my past and prove a point to myself.

How did the journey start you ask? Well, for the record, I've always considered myself an athlete and competitor. A simple game of putt putt can turn into the PGA tournament when I'm involved. All athletes out there have an understanding that you are always looking for bigger and better things to improve your game, whether it's in the sport your are participating in, or in the game of life. Of course, you also understand you're going to fall flat on your face at some point and will be taken down to the lowest of lows and sometimes left in the trenches looking for a way out, until you have that one person, or many people, who reach out their hand to give you boost of confidence and reassurance you have been searching for to get out of your situation.

I've always had an outer shell that's been hard to crack, and never thought someone or something would be able to create that wound that would never heal. Well, sure enough, as life proves time and time again, I was 100% wrong. Not to far out of college, I fell hard for someone. I should have seen the writing on the wall. However, as it is with everything, you're totally blinded by what is happening right in front of you, until someone steps in and smacks you around. This guy did a total 180 from when we first started dating. By the end of it, I was emotionally worn down, bruised, battered. Essentially my spirit had shattered into thousands of pieces and couldn't be put back together. Even those closest to me, couldn't reach out and get the message across. It was a hard lesson to learn. I mean, let's be real, what kind of a person holds it against you that your time was dedicated to graduate school and furthering yourself for your career. I digress.

So after all of this, it took me about 6 months to return to a person who I used to be, and even then, it was a very long recovery process, which I'm still working on today. I don't think anyone really fully recovers when your heart has been ripped out, then run over by an 18-wheeler. Enter Tough Mudder. Since those years, I've discovered the joy of obstacle racing. People think I'm crazy for getting enjoyment out of it, however, each course poses a differente challenge whether 3 miles or 11 miles. There is an element to a physical, mental, and emotional challenge. especially when it comes to the obstacles, and essentially facing your fears at each one of these races.

About 2 years ago, I had some friends at the local gym who did their first tough mudder. I called them crazy and said I would never EVER consider completeing a tough mudder. HA! We see how that one turned out! I got talked into it last year, and of course, the day we were supposed to compete and complete the challenge it was rained out and canceled. So of course the masterminds behind this decided to run it in the fall of this year, with a team comprised of 13 individuals. So we took the winter slowly, then ramped up training during the spring/summer, and into the fall so we could be somewhat prepared. Of course, the 6 weeks leading up to if for me presented a challenge, particularly with the travel which was required. Again, I digress.

All of us packed up our gear, headed out to West Virginia  and conqured the course. Not one person was injured, and all 13 of us completed it! Yeah, some obstacles may have been skipped, but overall, it didn't take away from the experience. Not one person was left behind and everyone crossed the finish line. This is proof that a group mentality can provide the biggest push you need to get through even some of the most challenging times. How did we do it? Well, throughout the course everyone was chatting each other about different things, life, kids, what we were going to eat post race, etc. This all may sound ridiculous, but it helped to pass the time, and made the run much more tolerable. At the obstacles, when one would complete the challenge, we would all stop and wait until every single person was through, sometimes pushing them through their threshold of fear which may have held them back.

So at this point, you're probably asking well, how does this relate to your previous relationship. and the disaster that it became. What tough mudder taught me, is that I can do anything! No matter how mentally, physically, and emotionally challenging as it may be, there is always someone or something special waiting across the finish line. In this case, it was someone. What it made me realize is how far I've come in these past few years and understanding that I am in a much better place today then I ever would have been had I not experienced the depths of those trenches. I am a much more whole and complete person and tough mudder helped to create that, realizing I have a greater reason to be the best person that I can be day in and day out. Along the course, we were joking and questioning about why we put ourselves into these situations. A fellow athlete overheard the question, and said we do this because it makes us feel alive. You know what sir, I couldn't have said it better. The pain and emotion of the course reminds us that we are all still here, living, and breathing.

The course is all about the challenge, the highs, the lows, the feeling of success and pride at the finish line. Most importantly, it's about the commradarie that gets you through the course and the support of your teammates. Or in other words ONE GIANT LIFE METAPHOR. Tough Mudder, as much as I feared you and myself, you have helped me to regain the confidence that I had been lacking for years and become myself once again. And to all those crazies who talked me into this and pushed me through the course, I am extremely grateful. There is no way I could have been able to do it with out you. To those waiting at the finish line, and those who weren't but have been a huge support during this journey, I cannot thank you enough for all of your love and support. This journey has been a healing process and even though I'm only two days out from completion, I feel like a whole new person, with a new lease on life. 

Obligatory pre-race photo