Common Values vs Common Interests
I recently watched a dating reality tv show on Netflix, called Sexy Beasts, where people dressed up in elaborate looks and got to know each other for the humans they were underneath. In getting to know each other, they had a first date with all options and then eliminated one based off first impression. Often times, someone was eliminated due to a lack of common interests. Seems logical right?
Someone else watching the same show has a different perspective: “Common interests are over rated.” Now, two people choosing to be together have to have something in common right? This person would say, “Common Values are more important than common interests.” I myself would disagree with that, but to be fair to all parties-I have not thought that much about it.
So, what are “Common Values”? I took to Google:
Integrity (Ethics, Honesty)
Respect (Trust, Dignity)
Excellence (Quality, Performance)
Responsibility (Accountability, Commitment)
Teamwork (Collaboration, Cooperation)
Innovation (Creativity, Ingenuity)
Achievement (Results, Success)
Fairness (Diversity, Inclusive)
Care (Service, Compassion)
Passion (Enthusiasm, Fun)
Leadership (Influence, Competitive Advantage)
Learning (Continuous Improvement, Knowledge)
Customers (Customer Satisfaction)
People (Employee Engagement)
Safety (Health)
Community (Corporate Citizenship)
Environment (Sustainability)
Source: https://www.fergusonvalues.com/17-common-values/
I think it is really interesting how the first link that comes up is a business page, like these are things a business wants to be to connect with the customer or employee? Given who made the comment, this makes perfect sense. They would also say, “Kids and Family are everything, otherwise, why build an empire?”
Common Interests I believe also have their importance. At its very core, being interested in your partner and therefore being interested in their shows/games/hobbies/etc is essential to any long term romantic relationship. It is a sign of connection, and connection defeats any problems big or small. Everything is connected, and something that starts as small as “we watch star trek together” turns into “we experienced this together” turns into “we dressed up for Halloween as bridge officers”....which becomes the memory you turn to when you are pissed off at your partner and try to think of a time you were not mad at them.
Commonality, no matter what word you put after that, is important. What brings us together is more important than what our differences are. Commonality and Differences are one of the many dichotomies that are fundamental to life. You want to have enough in common that you meet on common ground, but celebrate and learn from the differences-no matter what kind of relationship it is. As people, more connects us than separates us if you look with clear unbiased eyes.
