Feeling slightly less like a commitophobe for some reason lately. I think a few months ago I kind of decided that I would be with someone if I found them, but I was pretty much whatever about the whole relationship thing. When you don't care about long term relationships you don't really fall for people, or maybe that's just me. But lately I've been feeling more like I actually want to have kids when my body is healthy enough to have them, in my 20s. I have time, I'm not saying soon or anything. Before this change in attitude I planned on living randomly and travelling in my 20s and settling in my 30s, which might sound a better plan, but hardly anything works out that well, what if I end up alone? That plan was because I felt like my life was a mess though, how could I possibly settle in the next 11 years? But now I know 11 years is lots of time.
I had a dream I was pregnant last night and I felt so happy. I was so excited for the baby. However, like all pregnancy dreams I have there's always one grown woman who I plead to; "I don't NEED to give birth naturally, right? they won't make me? I DON'T WANT TO SQUEEZE IT OUT. I WON'T"
I thought dreading childbirth even if you're not pregnant was something everyone did, but apparently not, there's a name for it, tokophobia.