Rika had almost forgotten how fun parties were -- the simultaneous feeling of both being surrounded by people and the utter aloneness that came with being just another face in the crowd. But the crowd: that was just the thing, the only thing that lead to Rika leading both her brother and Wright’s brother.
Said he’d catch up with them, if she remembered correctly, and said he trusted her to find her way to.. Pearl Ridge? So the three of them headed there first -- Left was pretty young, and while she didn’t know his exact age, children went home first.
“The food was really good, but I think my favorite part were the performances. We didn’t do anything nearly as extravagant in the RFA! I should tell you more about them sometime, Left. Oh! Yoosung, did you meet any girls? I thought you...” Off on a ramble she went. It was late and it was dark, but the evening had been so wonderful she couldn’t bring herself to worry.
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“Oh... are we really talking about romance again? Ah -- I do know someone who is single, though. He’s going to medical school, and he graduated top of his class. And...”
“No better introduction to the city than a party, right, Yoosung? Oh! One minute,” Rika had hurriedly pulled out her phone from a small harp shaped clutch, squeezed next to Yoosung and took a picture. A little angel and a little devil! It was too cute not to commemorate. It made her wish that the two of them had entered the contest, but, well -- if they were both still here, there was always next time.
And she wouldn’t admit it, but Rika was sort of starting to like the place.
“Just keep in mind everything I told you about being safe, and things will be a-okay!” She pinched his cheek. “Plus, you look great, so if you don’t go home with at least five girls interested in you, I’ll be very saddened.”
Send me a number 1 thru 50 for a word that I’ll use to write either a headcanon, drabble, or starter. Send 🔄  for a random number instead.
35. — hush
tws for implied emotional abuse, self-loathing, depression, panic attacks
“Mom? Dad? Are you up yet?”
“Hush… it’s early still.”
“O-Oh, um…” His eyes darted to the clock on his mother’s nightstand, declaring the time to be 12:36. Not exactly early, but they did tend to sleep a lot on Sundays. His parents were busy people, they needed their sleep. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I’m sorry- I just, well, you said you’d take me to get more things for school today…”
His mother’s face was blank, without much real recognition towards what he said. It wasn’t like he really needed much- they’d gotten him new clothes earlier in the year. It was just mostly pencils and notebooks that he needed to replace, and he’d be entering second grade very soon.
After a moment she shook her head, sighing and sitting up slightly.
“Right, right, I remember. Just give us a little more time to sleep, okay? Mom and dad are tired.”
“Right, yeah- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“It’s okay. Just be quiet when you close the door, alright?”
“Ok..”
“Oh, that’s right! Before I forget-”
“Junpei, it’s rude to interrupt people when they’re talking.”
“Oh, I didn’t- I, um- I’m sorry.”
His father just sighed, looking at him with that same indiscernible expression on his face as usual. His mother was quiet for a short while, before saving them both from the awkward situation.
“What did you need? You’re up late, aren’t you?”
“Ah, well, I wanted to stay up to tell you in person…” Junpei’s eyes glanced at the clock- it was just past midnight, and his parents had only come home about a half hour ago. Working, always working, but he was used to that. “The school cultural festival is in two weeks, and.. well, I wanted to know if you’d be able to make it? I know there’s not a ton of warning, but…”
“We’ll see.”
The silence in the room was heavy, making Junpei fight to resist the urge to fidget.
“Did you need anything else?”
“Ah, um… no, I didn’t. I just… was hoping you guys could make it this year.”
“We’ll try, Junpei.”Â
His mother sounded sympathetic, but stern. He did get why they couldn’t come to things- they needed to work. Saving up the money to look after him, for the house, for food and clothes and everything- he couldn’t just ask them not to work, that’d feel foolish.
“Thanks, mom.”
“No, you should go to sleep. You’ll fall behind in school if you’re staying up like this every night.”
“Right. Um, goodnight then.”
Junpei smiled as he sat at the table, listening quietly to his parents speak while eating his slice of cake. December 24th was always like this, and it was nice- he liked listening. Just being able to be around them like this was… nice.
“Oh, that’s right. Have you decided yet, Junpei?”
He blinked as the conversation turned to him, shaking his head.
“Sorry, but… decided what?”
“What you’re going to do for your college. Business, science, or engineering?”
“Well… I figure business.”
He didn’t really have any desire for any of the options, not really- but film school was completely off the table, and he couldn’t think of anything else that his parents would be okay with. Business school would get him where he needed to go in life fair enough.
“That’s a good choice. You’ll do well in it, so long as you keep studying hard.”
“Of course, yeah. I always do.”
The conversation went back to his parents at this point, Junpei just listening to them talk for a while longer as he slowly finished eating. Part of him wanted to bring up their deal, the promise that if he got a degree that he’d then be allowed to go back to school for film part time, once he got a job… but he didn’t. Because the same part of him that wanted to bring it up also knew that the deal probably wouldn’t be upheld.
School was expensive, living in an apartment, everything they would need to pay for- all of it was expensive. And once he graduated and got a job, he’d have no time for another degree anyways. It was just an empty promise to keep him from complaining… but that was fine. Even if it was hollow, it was nice to pretend like he’d be able to carry through on it someday.
“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Stop fucking thinking about it. Just shut up already.”
The words, so laced with vitriol, were directed only at himself. He was having a panic attack at work- thank god he wasn’t on a mission- and had locked himself in the bathroom while trying to remember how to breathe.
Telling himself to just shut up and stop thinking about it didn’t do anything, it didn’t change anything, but it made him feel at least something different. Anything besides the overwhelming dread and pain and just crushing sadness, making him feel like he was drowning.
“I’m fine. I’m fine. So stop it. Shut up already. Just stop.” Words still directed at nobody but himself, at nobody but his brain, at the feelings that felt like they were tearing him apart that he hated so much.
Words did nothing. They never did.
But the panic attack had to break eventually, leaving him just tired and sad and wondering why, why, why he was so damn useless. He couldn’t even stop his own thoughts-
 useless.
shut up
Junpei found himself staring at Akane’s back as they slept, sitting in silence. He felt a little guilty being awake while they were asleep, especially after they’d just helped him through a panic attack…. but he’d just let himself pretend to sleep until they’d gone to sleep themself, unwilling to let himself risk dreaming again.
He just needed to quite his mind- quiet himself. He wasn’t very good at that, he found. He felt like he was just a noisy person, for whatever reason- he did try, though. He’d try to be quiet.
And, it was easier around them. They just felt… calm, in a way. Not a bad way, not forceful and desperately trying to keep his body from shaking. No, it was a... a comforting quiet. A reassuring one- a quiet that he could like.
Just lying here, feeling the heat from their body and listening to the sounds of their breathing- it was enough to help him relax, if only a little. Just a little was all he needed- that was enough.
Here, just quiet trust in the early morning, too early for a person to be awake... that was nice. It was different from the quiet he was used to; the ones he was told to do, or the ones he forced on himself.
It was just calm, and peaceful.
And after a moment longer he yawned and rolled over, curling up beside Akane and letting sleep pull him back into the hush of the night.
cometyoosung replied to your post: “Yoosung…”
“Rika?”
“Yoosung, you really, really shouldn’t try to narrow girls down into boxes like what kind of class they are in an RPG. The only kind of boxes we like are boxes of chocolate.”
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[[right so tumblr keeps stretching this the fuuuck out n makin it look like hot garbage but this is supposed to be 300x300, so. open image url i guess? but this is a moodboard for @cometyoosung and @pyro-latry and i just personally cant wait to put a wedge in their relationship BUT THEYRE SO CUTE, IN THE MEAN TIME.]]
Rika wrapped her arms around Yoosung, her own tears falling silently. Yoosung was the only one who ever understood her. He saw the warning signs long before she did, and yet -- She hadn’t believed him. He knew her so well. He was her family, and for two long years all she could do was watch from afar.
And now, she didn’t need to hide at all. Rika could be around her family -- her only family -- without fear, without the worry that all of her plans would fall around her.
