#combustiblemachetes

What would Gilbert do?

The race kept playing over and over in his head like a broken record that was literally unable to stop forcing the images to play. It was like some cruel string of fate wanted him to relive that emotional agony until it broke him again.

Their dive into the water, the first and only turn, the stretch that came faster and faster as both boys neared the finishing point where Coach Goro would tell them who'd been victorious.

He'd always been faster than Haru on shorter distances. Always. It'd only been when they swam a hundred meters that Haru always overtook him, never any other time. So why had it been so different this time? As both Rin and Haru pulled themselves out of the pool and looked expectantly at the older, Rin could almost audibly hear his stomach drop when the blonde looked at Haru and announced that he'd touched the wall first.

Another beat passed and the redhead fell to his knees and let his head hang and his bangs cover up his face as much as they could. Amazing how quickly the tears were coming on, but at this point Rin couldn't bring himself to care; he'd reached his breaking point whether anyone else knew it or not. As shoulders shook as the sobs wracked his thin torso harder and harder, Rin couldn't bring his gaze up to look at the worried and curious looks he was no doubt getting. He didn't care, he just didn't care.

Yet another beat passed and Rin pushed himself up to stand and deliberately avoided Haru's gaze as he stormed past wordlessly. The only sound he did make was the hollow clatter of his goggles hitting the concrete floor, bouncing once, and going still a second later. He had no use for them, why even bother taking them home? They'd only take up space in his room anyway. Not to mention hurt his heart knowing what he was too weak to achieve for himself. What he'd ruined himself to the point of no return.

Rin had probably never gotten dressed so fast in his life, it was a wonder he had a sock on both feet and the scarf properly wrapped around his neck. He'd bolted from the locker room as soon as his backpack was slung over his shoulder, and he'd fully expected to be leaving Haru behind (for once, what a laughable notion) and not have to see or talk to him again. Until he felt fingers grasping at his wrist and pulled him to a stop. Even then, he couldn't look Haru in the eye and know that he still wasn't good enough. He never would be.

"I'm done swimming."

That's all she wrote, and that's all Rin said as he roughly yanked his arm free and continued to sprint off down the hallway. It hurt Rin to leave one of his best friends behind him, it wasn't so ridiculous to say that it almost physically hurt him to do so, but Rin knew he didn't have another choice. He couldn't stay there. Not after what just happened.

Haru wouldn't see him again. Not as a fellow swimmer.

As the plane leveled out and a few minutes later a small beep sounded overhead to indicate that it was safe for passengers to move about the cabin, all Rin did was unbuckle his seatbelt so that he could pull his legs up to his chest and turn off to the side, away from the aisle. A flight attendant asked him later if he wanted anything to drink, all she got was a mumbled 'no' in response.

His own words also kept ringing inside his head, and Rin knew deep down that that's what he'd be doing once he got back to school in Australia. His mother made him promise that he wouldn't decide anything until he got back to school, in the hopes that his mind would change once he got back there and started swimming again, even if it was simple time trials. But Rin had been adamant, in his own mind anyway, that he knew he wouldn't set foot in the pool again unless he absolutely had to.

He was done swimming. The Olympics were so far out of reach now that he didn't even hardly know what direction to even reach in. Sure he saw a sight he'd never seen before, but it only lead to a sight that he never wanted to see. His own failure.

He should've known that his phone would remain silent and his inbox devoid of any new messages, even with Rin checking it every few minutes since he went to bed.

He'd been in Australia for almost five months, and training had been going downhill for weeks now. His time trials were worsening, his starts were becoming later, all of it was just going wrong. Rin didn't know why, it just was. It'd started right around the time Haru shut Rin out. Told him no more text messages (when Haru actually remembered that he had a cell phone in his possession), no more instant messaging on Skype, no more calls (video or otherwise). He hadn't even really gotten an explanation, but then again, Haru wasn't a person of many words, not even when words counted the most. Like when you were telling your best friend that you couldn't talk anymore for reasons only you knew.

He didn't understand it though. Haru had been reluctant to go through such steps simply because technology, but he hadn't seemed adverse to the idea of keeping in contact with his friend while he was abroad. The worst part was, all this had completely taken Rin by surprise. At first when he saw the Skype message saying 'we need to stop talking', he'd thought it was a joke or something (even though Haru never cracked jokes, that was beside the point). He'd told Haru to stop messing around, but he would just get a message in return telling him that he was serious, that he couldn't talk to Rin anymore. No more calls, no more texting, no more anything. Haru didn't make Rin give his word that he wouldn't contact him, he just logged off Skype after that last message, and Rin hadn't seen him online since then. Calls back to Japan on his phone were expensive (as the boys accidentally found out the one time they talked on the phone verses on the computer), so Rin knew that that was out of the question. For awhile he'd been too shell-shocked by it that it hadn't truly sunk in that Haru really was shutting him out.

Were the others okay with this? Did they know that Haru had basically excommunicated their teammate? Rin had no idea, but he couldn't bring himself to text Makoto or Nagisa to find out. He couldn't deal with having more friends shut him out like this, even though it'd probably hurt the most coming from Haru.

But back to the present, a sigh of defeat passed the redhead's lips as once again his inbox displayed absolutely no new messages, devoid of any sign that his friend still wanted anything to do with him. The message he'd sent an hour ago (forgetting that there was a two hour difference, not a lot, but still) was still unanswered, hell it was probably still unread. Pulling it up again, Rin's eyes glazed over the lit up screen, blinking a few times as the light was harsh on his sleepy eyes.

Text message: [Haru] Didn't have the best day at practice today. Wish you guys could've been here, would've made it better.

Didn't mean the silence stung any less just because Haru never carried his phone on him. Little consolation it did Rin.

And it didn't mean Rin wouldn't be falling asleep with anything more than a undesirable mood. Then again, when had silence ever been a welcomed thing? Not when your team was without you now, and not by your choice.

To both of ya'll:

any day. everyday. i have no friends and do nothing.

melody shhhhhhh yOU HAVE US

combustible-machetes replied to your post: combustible-machetes replied to...

I can do Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. ouo

Alright cool, cool.~ :D I can do Wednesday after 4~