Iâm sure we have all heard these phrases in our life before, âstop acting like a childâ, âgrow up alreadyâ, or âyouâre a grown up now so you should act like one.â We spend our lives rushing to grow up like we are in a marathon that we later find ourselves forcing others that do not follow this to also behave and grow up.
Growing up is a phase everyone has to go through even if we do not want it. It is sad and hard since you canât do what you usually do as well as being expected to do everything on your own, even if you might not be able to reach their expectation but still strive to survive and live a comfortable life.
Unlike when we were in school, when you make a mistake, the worst that could ever happen is being scolded or the teachers have to take over it but if that were in the adult world, no one is willing to help you and will be severe consequences ranging from loss of money or the reputation you have built through the years and the worst is lives being harmedâit is no wonder that everyone would soon forget their inner child, pushing it back into the deepest part of our minds and forget to enjoy the little things in life.
In our lives, there is always a person or a group of people we envy either because they have everything we donât have or just seem like they have the perfect life since they become excited about the little and the big things, having a great weather or someone simply greeting them back. Itâs because theyâre fully embracing their inner child which results in them living with a higher level of happiness compared to those who choose to leave their inner child buried deep within them.
To those who think that they no longer have their inner child, donât worry because our inner child never leaves even if weâve buried or pushed it away, it exists inside of our hearts and minds. It is going to be difficult to reconnect with your inner child, but it is possible as long as you look deep enough. Remember, donât be afraid to lose yourself in the unbelievable sometimes and never release your sense of wonder and imagination because itâs what created many wonderful things in our life. Play to your heart's desire, donât think that it is childish to do so and have fun with your family or friends. Itâs okay to let loose because life is not all about the hardshipsâbe adventures and donât lose that curiosity. Once youâve found that inner child again, youâll thank yourself in the future.
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Stephen Notarte is a Filipino college student who majors in Psychology since last year simply because he âfinds the thought process of others and how they perceive it very interesting.â Since his senior high school days, he has studied and looked at everything in a psychological manner, which causes him to be asked by personally close friends and a few students that newâduring his free timeâabout his thoughts on their problem and how they should approach it without hurting anyone or simply reducing the damage it will cause.
Born and raised in Davao, he enrolled in Ateneo his second year in junior high then changed to Tecaro then went back to Ateneo for G11 but repeated a year due to personal reasons. But on that year, he took interest on Psychology after he noticed the increasing stress his friends were experiencing thus took it upon himself to help them despite the limited knowledge he had with it. He dedicated himself to that study even more after he noticed some of his friends were physically hurting themselves and becoming even more erraticâwanting to spread awareness that no matter how small or big the problem is, it can significantly affect anyone, no matter how strong they are. Then in 2018, he went to Malayan Colleges Mindanao to continue his studies up until last year.
In regard to the topic of Inner Child, Vanessa Yee interviewed Stephen Notarte because of his immense knowledge and understanding of the matter, through the application Messenger and google document because due to the Quarantine about the effects of the Inner Child to our life along with its meaning.
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Vanessa Yee: Hello, Stephan! Do you remember that interview article that I told you about a few weeks back, are you free for a quick interview?
Stephen Notarte: Sure, do we have to do a video call?
VY: No, Iâm just gonna send you a document with a list containing my questions since the internet has been slow these days. So, Iâd like you to answer it with what you just know about it and if I have any more questions, I will ask you about it.
SN: Sure, sure.
VY: (sends the document)
SN: (opens the document)
In your interpretation, what do you think the definition of inner child is?
Well, inner child is like the mentality that has persisted throughout the years and is connected to your childhood that either you had or never had.
Are you still connected with your inner child? If so, how do you stay connected with your inner child? Is it by reading? Playing games? Talking?
Yes, since itâs more like a part of me than a separate entity that can be switched out. I try to balance these things and try to adapt them to my daily activities. Repressing this mentality is not healthy and would just cause more strain on my wellbeing but itâs also not an excuse to laze around. So, I try to balance them and live with it since itâs a part of me and just try to ignore the judgements but still be open to other opinions that can actually help.
VY: Can you elaborate the activities you add in your daily life?
SN: Sure, sure. I guess all I did was just explain why Iâm still connected with my inner child. I stay connected with my inner child by letting loose and letting my imagination go wild when doing activities like playing games or just simply socializing with close friends.
Do you think it is important to embrace our inner child or do you think that we should bury them as we grow old? Will this affect our decisions or our life if we choose to ignore this?
We should maintain a balance between both and know when to show such things at the right place. Some people might not like the idea that people can easily show off such emotions and could disrupt other people. The effects of showing this emotion can somewhat affect our decision making if we let it get out of control but if we are able to manage it then it shouldn't be able to affect our daily activities and affect the people around us.
VY: So, you think we should just balance it? What happens to those that do not show their emotions as well as to those that canât seem to balance both? Do you have any advice for them?
SN: If they are unable to balance their emotion or control their childish behavior, one can always try and find a medium to manage their needs. The medium can be anything: like a stuffed bear, a photograph, a ball etc,. This will help them channel. Doing this will help you manage or redirect these emotions by simply holding them and remind you that everything is still within your control and that you don't have to let it control you.
Why do you think people dislike the thought of showing their inner child aspect? Is it because they were not able to embrace theirs or simply because of the thought of showing it?
They dislike other people showing their inner child because it shows how free they are and how they can just let go of the things that are usually occupying the day-to-day lives of people. There are other people who have to keep up a social image or have to repress their emotions for the sake of their jobs, family & other external/internal factors. Not embracing their inner child can be the result of adults having no childhood or having to hide it for the sake of others and their social standing.
In a Psychology majorâs point of view, can adults learn something from children when it comes to embracing their inner child aspect?
Adults can actually learn a few things from children about how to live and how to tackle certain challenges in life. As we grow older we sometimes get used to a certain way of solving problems. We don't try to see if there is a better way or an option that hasn't been considered. Children at their age are unique in a sense since they still aren't bound by the logic and rules that we adults have learned over the years. But that doesn't mean that we should just revert back and try to go and ignore what we learned. It's just that we should try and broaden our way of thinking to further develop ourselves and our surroundings.
SN: Is that all the questions you're going to ask?
VY: Yes, thank you for cooperating with me.
SN: No problem. Just message me if you have any more questions to ask.
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That was the end of the interview with Stephan Notarte which was actually a fast one since he just needed to answer the questions Iâve asked him and adding a couple of more when I am confused or need more elaboration on his answer. During the interview, I realized how difficult communicating online was especially if your work is recorded via the internet. But after reading my questions that were finally answered, I was ecstatic and educated about our inner child.
It is something that was born alongside usâa twin that we never noticed because it does not have a physical form yet is always with us: watching and caring for us. It was with us during our strongest moments and our weakest, reassuring that everything will be fine. It is the side that makes us quite âchildishâ in some peopleâs perspective when in reality, they were just releasing the built-up loneliness that we prefer to hide rather than showing it which only comes out once we find someone comfortable or someone that understands you or even an item we had since we were littleâtoo precious to let go. Just like children, we should also have time for ourselves despite the busy schedule our work has given us, but we should also balance it as life doesnât stop for everyone that are not born with everything in the world.
Photos do not belong to me but to their respectful owners.
As I grew older, my mind tends to wonder about what to do after college, the amount of work that my mother has to do to keep us feed and sheltered, the utility bills that my father has to keep track for my mother to be updated, the amount food that I have to buy to feed my dogs and the rules that I have to follow which grows bigger and bigger the longer I live in this worldâa loop that never stops for everyone. It is easy to forget the wonders the world has to offer us and the curiosity we once had we were a child because of the responsibilities and burdens we have to carry in our life.
âWe get caught in the grown-up trap and forget to have fun, embracing your inner child will connect you with contentment and simplicity that you once had as a kid,âstated by Nick Taylor, co-author of the book Be More Kid from the article of Anya Meyerowtiz called Why we should embrace our inner child and 5 ways to do it. Just the first six words, it already made me realize how much society has influenced everyone and its not just the law itself. From the norms and how people judge us in our actions and how we should act outside. âAs adults, we are always looking for the end destination of happiness; embracing your inner child will assist you to reconnect with finding contentment in the moment and relish lifeâs journey.â
It is hard to embrace our inner child if we canât even love ourselves in the first placeâlost in a sea of judgement and rules that the adults pushed into us because we grew up thinking that they know everything: lived earlier and longer than us. We listen and respect them since they cared for us, fed us since we were little babies, and gave us shelter throughout our lives; but why do say hurtful things such as telling us to âstop acting childish and act like your ageâ when we simply just want to express our problem? Itâs not being childish or sensitive, we simply want you to hear what is happening to us right now and understand. We donât play because we are lazy, we play because we want to escape the hurtful things reality has done to us mentally and just want to relax, we donât just go out because we want to be with our friends more, we just want someone to talk to someone who would understand us better. We just wanted to have someone to talk but is given a scolding insteadâeven when we did our best with our academic.
According to the article Traditional Chinese parenting: What research says about children and why they succeed, children achieve higher achievement in academics, but it causes their well-being: kids are at a higher risk to emotional problems. It also said that âresearch suggest that kids benefit when parents abandon psychological controlling tactics, and practice positive parenting,â a thing most Chinese parents do not do.
We need to express ourselves as we grow older, people may think that it is childish or weird for being expressive, but we are not robots that could handle all the criticism without getting hurt, we are humans that need each other to survive, no matter how much we have been hurt or hide it because it will always come out sooner or later. Many may think that money is the answer to our happiness, the end goal of our destination but its not. Itâs just a necessity in life for the economy. The real thing that would make use happy is embracing our inner child because itâs what controls us when everything is too much for us to handle (Trieu, 2020).
Works Cited
Bet-David, P. (2017, May 16). What causes people to Change? Retrieved from PATRICKBET-DAVID: https://www.patrickbetdavid.com/causes-people-change/
Meyerowitz, A. (2020, November 11). Why we should embrace our inner child and 5 ways to do it. Retrieved from Red: https://www.redonline.co.uk/health-self/self/a34725323/how-to-embrace-inner-child/
Trieu, T. (2020, December 31). What Is Inner Child Work? A Guide To Healing Your Inner Child. Retrieved from mbg: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/inner-child-work
There is a child within everyone, not a literal child but one who has been with us through thick and thinâthough we tend to forget that since we can neither see nor hear them as they have no physical form but is noticeable when we are at the lowest point of our lives.
As we grow older, there are times we forget to enjoy the small things in our life, even when it may look like a waste of time especially to others. It sometimes causes us to negatively think that is why we feel like no one understands what we are going through since we don't have the time to socialize with others or to simply relax. That's why allowing ourselves to reconnect with our inner child will bring us more than we expected.
So, what does this mean for us? It means to have some fun with our friends or family, explore the vast world, laugh out loud from jokes, and see the world in another perspective. Down below is a list of simple ways that I have observed and experience to be effective in reconnecting with our inner child.
1. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS!
Since children are still young, they can express themselves easily by randomly laughing or playing but as we grow older, social norms tend to influence most of our behaviors and decisions which could cause loss of self-esteem or the fear of rejection.
We all deserve to express ourselves and our opinions because not only does it strengthen the bonds with other people, but it also improves our confidence and decision making skills compared to when we hold back as stated by an article on The University of Kansas Health System called Why is Emotional Expression Important.
2. VISIT CHILDHOOD MEMORIES!
Nostalgia is another key factor to getting in touch with your inner child because events that happened in the past is what shape us to what we are now. Try flipping through the photo albums your mother made or your school yearbooks when you were young or maybe rereading your childhood diaries. You can also talk with your parents or siblings, if not childhood friends to reminiscences the pastâthis can evoke feelings and memories youâd forgotten.
3. PLAY!
Responsibilities such as paying the rent bills or completing errands is what mostly take a huge part in our lives once we reach a certain age, and we have to take this seriously as our livelihood but every once in a while, we should take a break. Have fun by going out with your friends, dance around your house to music, or have a good laugh by either watching a funny drama or reading a bookâthis makes everyday life more exciting and cheerier.
According to an article Nick Wignall published on his own site titled Emotional Intelligence: 7 Physiological Benefits of Playfulness for Adults talks how playfulness plays a valuable part in stopping negative emotions from plaguing our mind and to make better relationships.
4. LET'S GET CREATIVE!
Arts and crafts beings can bring out our inner child! From coloring something to singing a songâit helps you reconnect with them which also has a lot of benefits for your mentality and social life, according to the news article entitled 5 Big Benefits of Creative Expression posted on the website Brightwater which is a group that supports people of all ages.
5. SPEND TIME WITH CHILDREN!
Since children are still untainted by the norm of society and the worlds rulesâenjoying the little things in life thus is perfect to connecting with your inner child. Playing games that you once played when you were young would take you back to the days you and your cousins were playing outside. Hide-and-seek or playing tag can unrestraint you from the worries in the world. Plays such as the floor is lava or playing house can also take you back to the time you had during kindergarten.
Whenever you are facing a difficult situation, you imagine a better scenario which helps you cope and feel more secure. It is a normal psychological reactionâa type of defense mechanism that simulate our mind to think all through our experience to gain knowledge and solve a problem.
Making time to play with your younger siblings or cousins doesnât mean that it increases your sense of playfulness and expressions, it just gives a positive impact to our well-being that plays a part to developing our inner child.
And there you have it. Those are the five ways that I have thought and based on my personal experience. Playing games that reignited my imagination which not only assisted me on creating new work despite my lack of talent for it. Being more open about my feelings which has help lift up the heavy burdensâthe worriesâthat Iâve caged inside my heart. Revisiting the places that I grew up even when some of them contain the saddest moments in my life and even the happiest. And spending time with children by being creative, imagining that the floor is lava then playing tag with them outside were one of the things I would do to grow closer to them even talking about the new animation I was watching to keep the conversation going.
If you try one of the 5 ways listed above, you are steps closer to reconnecting with your inner child but do this with the interest of reconnecting, not because someone told you to do so. Your inner child is not something to escape reality nor a reason for immaturity, it is our sense of curiosityâthe core of wonder that knows the world is a place that should be experienced, questioned, and answered just like all the people that were before us.
References
Brightwater. (2019, May 15). 5 Big Benefits of Creative Expression. Retrieved from Brightwater: https://brightwatergroup.com/news-articles/5-big-benefits-of-creative-expression/
Why is Emotional Expression Important? (2020, December 15). Retrieved from The University of Kansas Health System: https://www.kansashealthsystem.com/health-resources/turning-point/programs/resilience-toolbox/emotional-expression/why-is-emotional-expression-important
Wignall, N. (2019, August 26). Emotional Intelligence: 7 Psychological Benefits of Playfulness for Adults. Retrieved from NickWignall: https://nickwignall.com/benefits-of-playfulness/
Photos do not belong to me but to their respectful owners.
