#collapsing floors

You know, I worked my ass, and other body parts off. I got a nice collection of bleeding wounds, strained a few muscles, and got covered with disgusting filth. I’ve broken out from the fiberglass dust, and forgot to shut the door at first when cutting, so some of the house is not skin friendly right now. I skipped both lunch and dinner (though at 10 pm, after I had time for a shower, I ate an orange and some left over potato chips Mom has been eating on a couple days).

 Every single thing went wrong along the way. Every plan I had was messed up. Everything I anticipated and deduced about the lay out around the toilet proved incorrect. It was incredibly frustrating to not be able to do the things I needed to do, especially after removing the damn toilet and and cutting a great big whopping hole through Pop’s fiberglass (that proved actually to be an inch thick around the toilet!). I would really like to do physical violence on whoever designed and whoever built this house, but since we are talking over sixty years ago they are probably all dead anyway.....

I had a melt down near the end, which is hardly surprising I guess since it was after dark and I’d been at it since the morning non stop. I was working and struggling and cursing at the floor and the pipes and the cinderblocks and....everything. I was also sobbing. Mom doesn’t do emotional outburst. Both my raging (inherited from Pop’s “Hulk smash!” tendencies) and my crying in frustration and despair (Mom hates cry babies...) had the effect of making Mom annoyed enough to wander off to escape me. Not great when I’m yelling for help.

So eventually I have to give up and find a way to sort of, kind of, get it all back together. And the results of my labors? I did stablize  the floor near the door, but the area I needed most  to fix might actually be worse! 

**sigh**

I’m feeling a lot hopeless right now. Short of winning the lottery we don’t enter to have the money to just hire a crew to completely rebuild the house (and Mom’s too) I really don’t see a way out of this downward spiral.

But good news folks! My hands are too messed up to sculpt until they heal, so the new stuff I posted this week will be it for a while.

But bad news folks! I still have plenty of old stuff to post again! LOL

Oh dang! I forgot my computer got goofed up today! Maybe you will spared anything not already in drafts and queue for a while.

A problem reached a critical, can’t but it off any longer, state just as I was going to bed. I knew I’d have to deal with it today.

Three hours sleep. That’s all. I’ve been thinking about what I have to do, trying to get my head around everything I need to do to get the job done.

And worrying.

It’s, frankly, dangerous. I’m usually good at shrugging off physical dangers, even enjoying them, but this is different. Too much is out of my control. Too much has reached an unknown level decay. Too manh things I know are risky about this, some with implications beyond just a momentary injury.

But there is no one else to do it. Trying to keep Mom from putting herself at risk when she simply doesn’t have the strength (do I?) for this job is going to be hard. It has to be me, not her, and there is no one to ask for help or even advice.

I’m going to have to do this. Today.

Exhausted before I start.