#coldkindle

‘     if you’d like,   i can win a bear for you,   todoroki !!    ’ 

there isn’t a reason to ask him to engage with the press afterwards,   to worry about what it means with her own career and natsuo’s budding one,   or the fact that the  child safety services  had just called her that afternoon.    it scares her   -    terrifies her   -   that she might lose her brother,   who is underage,  with both parents questionable.   she’s already failed him so much,   what if something out of her control took him away too ?

*   headcanons :   fuyumi + sibling resentment !

#                    no,  she doesn’t !   i don’t think she’s ever ? really resent her siblings ?   i don’t think she’s been envious too,  of any of her brothers.   a lot of time,   ( again this leads back to the patriarchal run that todoroki household operates under )   fuyumi’s quite content — or has long learnt to accept her role in the family.  and if her role isn’t the successor,  or that pertains to her not necessarily being able to hog her parents’ attention ( which she’s usually saddened by,  but never resentful ),  then that’s that. 

#                   if we’re being specific and circling back to shōto,  then rather than “resentment”,   a more apt description to the majority of her feeling would be guilt,  or regret.   guilty,  because being who she is — a secondborn,  a daughter,  with barely-there resources  —  she couldn’t help shouto;  not from father’s grasp,  not from touya’s envy.   and she’s guilty,  cause even when she could,  ( like around the years when their cook finally retires and fuyumi’s more established in her role as a caretaker - therefore, has more chances to interact with shōto ) her role is still minimal, like it isn’t enough to help. to ease shouto’s burden. and that pains her.

*   headcanons :   fuyumi + darkest thought !

#                   oh yeah,  she wants to leave the household,  -  that would be her darkest thought.  just,  get up,  leave her family,  not care what it meant to her siblings or parents,  and start anew.  i think this also plays a lot in regards to her abandonment issues,  it’s almost like - “might as well leave first, before they leave you” sort of mentality that she doesn’t entertain a lot; and stems from touya’s death (which she perceives as her being “left behind”),  rei’s removal,  and enji’s constant neglect.

#                 sometimes she also thinks like ... natsuo didn’t need her anymore,  because he’s grown,  you know?   like he’s an adult,  he’s going into a career he likes,  he’ll be established soon.  and shouto  -  fuyumi sometimes thinks like,  shouto could take care of himself.  he has friends now,  teachers who could assist him.  all might.  he’s saved.  so,  that drives the “lets just leave everyone here, they’re okay without me” thoughts too.  like she’s trying to justify her abandoning her siblings,  but in the end,   she knows she won’t.

*   headcanons :   fuyumi + dabi/touya reveal !

#                  shock aside  -  i feel like, apart of her is always gonna be relieved because ... that part of her who had always prayed for touya-nii to come back?  yeah,  she’s ecstatic.  but the adult part of her,  the more rational one,  the one that had to mother her siblings,   the one who had to grow up a lil quicker,  really felt  ...  more abandoned than before ?   because if touya hadn’t died,  then that meant he chose not to come back.   and that  ...  man.   phew.  that is a heartbreaking revelation for her.

#                 because i feel like,  being the older brother to her,  fuyumi has this certain expectation — childish or unorthodox as it may — to depend on him,  or knows that he’s around for her to rely on.  cause that’s what he’s supposed to do;  especially when she couldn’t trust her parents.   that was,  essentially,  his role that she learned to saddle him with.  and i feel like,  she endures as much as she could after touya and rei was gone,  because in her head,  she has it set that,  if he’d been there,  he would’ve endured it with her.   but then,  as an adult,  she found that he didn’t.  he left.  he didn’t come back.  and that  -  yeah.  it shattered some illusions,  i could summarise.

#                 so i suppose she’s - angry.   but i also feel like,  unless touya pushed certain buttons,  she will never let him know.  because that’s no longer someone she could trust anymore;   especially not with her rage,  which is really fuelled by a massive insecurity and years of heartbreak he no longer has the privilege to see.

*   headcanons :   fuyumi + three students’ stories !

#                fuyumi cries the first time they made a card for her!  it was probably on teacher’s day,  or on her birthday or smth,  and they all come together to make this huge card and it was signed and it has many goofy messages but the heart of it was like,  you’re the best sensei!   and yeah.  it’s an emotional day.  she has that framed.

#               there was once a student who noticed that fuyumi was tired in between class.  the girl had a quirk where plants grow from her body,  so she gave fuyumi a flower — a forget-me-not — and at first fuyumi’s like??? “why would you give me this, a-chan? that’s so nice of you!” and the girl was, “it’s to make you happy. papa always said flowers can make anyone happy!” and that really stays with her; kinda makes her a bit guarded that she slipped up, but overall she’s more thankful than anything.

#               fuyumi hadn’t been teaching that long if i’m honest,  but the one time when she helped a friend who were monitoring the kindergarten next to the primary school, she makes it snow a little to cheer up the little kiddies who are still waiting for their parents to come fetch them, and that was nice. the kids reminded her of when she used to play with shouto or natsuo as a toddler.

*   headcanons :   fuyumi + challenges when rei was gone !

#             most of the time ?   she’s mostly trying to stabilise between her own grief over the loss,  and the shock state that her brothers must’ve had to go through when their mother wouldn’t return.   she really couldn’t do much about shouto,  and that hurts her more than anything,  so she tries to focus on natsuo to sort of make up for it.  and that usually consists of handling his tantrum,  insistent questioning,   and his own mourning as well.

#             she tries to learn as much as she could to help with the household,  not only because their help was nearing the retirement age,  but because it gives her a sense of purpose.  it gives her a duty;  that,  in a way,  she has a hand in mending something,  even if it’s just folding dried laundry for the family.

#            yeah mostly?  she just tries to tend to her brothers,  and sorta keep the house running.  she doesn’t dwell much about rei beyond wanting to find her and visit her,  but gets too scared after the first time enji rebuffed her when she asked about it.  as long as natsuo and shouto’s going to school and eating fine,  she convinces herself that everything’s okay.

*   headcanons :   all might + retirement.

#                     retirement  was hard for all might.   i think he’d always known he was coming to “an end” — which was why he passed his quirk down to midoriya in the first place — but for a long time,  it was really difficult for him to truly let it go.   you can see this when he still tried to maintain his “all might” figure right until kamino.   he couldn’t let that go;   he couldn’t be anything but this huge,  superpowered man he’d built himself to be.

#                     but afterwards,  after kamino  ...   i think that was when he absolutely knew that there was nothing else he could give,  not as a symbol anymore,  simply because he couldn’t become the symbol any longer,  and he had to accept that there are subordinates — young students and aspiring pro-heroes he, himself, is teaching — that would be taking his place now,  that would have to carry the legacy he founded.  it’s mostly hard because toshinori allows all might to live as this one indestructible persona for nearly three decades, and now he has to only live as toshinori yagi.  and in that,  there’s still so much to let go,  grieve over,  accept and adapt.

*   headcanons :   all might + parents

#              i’ve always headcanon’ed toshinori as an orphan!  i think the closest i would be able to give or imagine a family for him would’ve been an old grandmother,  but that’s about it.  he’s shuffled through a lot of relatives’ home,  a lot of it are unpleasant,  and he often needed to work hard to maintain civility because he’s often deemed as a “burden” in the household he’s in.

#              which is why i think meeting shimura nana, his master, and in extension, gran tarino, were such an important event and meet in his life.  beyond the quirk shimura nana gave him,  she also opened this gateway into raising him not only as a hero,  but almost like a son,  if not simply a family.

#              he has a far more complicated relationship with gran torino.  that is,  while the general relationship could be constituted as “surrogate father-and-son”,  gran torino terrifies toshinori.  it’s mostly to do with gran torino’s abrasive attitude:  after shimura nana passed,  gran torino was the one who stepped up and trained toshinori “to not be soft”.  he’s very militaristic,  and apart of toshinori has never fully recovered from being nothing but obedient to the old man.  but gran torino is also what saves toshinori;  the reason toshinori could fly to america,  just so toshinori could briefly escape the clutches of all for one even if it’d been a short few years.

#              so,  there’s definitely issues there,  and maybe a hint of bad blood,  but they have history there,  toshinori and gran torino.  a long one.

*   headcanons :   all might + what he lost as a symbol,  what he sacrificed and romantic relationships !

#              so,  there’s a lot of things all might couldn’t do as a symbol.  i think one of the biggest things are,  he separated himself very vividly from any romantic and familial relationships just so he could maintain his status as a symbol.  it’s important for toshinori that all might is almost not-a-person; this means all might doesn’t get to have the normal, ordinary life.  that just isn’t what a symbol does.   he maintains peace,  he ensures safety,  he enforces this era of prosperity.  with that commitment   -   he doesn’t date,  doesn’t have a family.  he is japan’s,  and that’s it.

#              but yes,  in return of all that,  he himself,  lost so much.   his health aside,  ( which he lost tremendously,  by the way )  i think he lost his first relationship — which i headcanon’ed was with david shield — when he returned back to japan. he lost the chance to ultimately have a family of his own,  which he didn’t mind for a long time,  until he’s retired and he realises, oh, he doesn’t really have anybody to grieve with,  not really.  no one to truly come home to.  so,  toshinori realises,  on top of everything else,  he’s - quite lonely.  but then he has his students,  you know?   he tries finding comfort in knowing that they’re there,  that they could still care about him,  a symbol or not.

*   headcanons :   all might + closest person he’s lost !

#              shimura nana,  definitely.  even now,  he still mourns her.  it hurts him to say her name.  the knowledge that shigaraki is her direct descent hurts him even more,  like he’d failed her master by somehow not watching over her family;  by allowing the person who killed his master to grasp and have this tight clutch on her grandson.  ( i could go on abt his feelings on shigaraki but lsdkjfkdshf then that’d make this post longer )

#              nighteye.   man,  don’t even @ me.   this is also a loss that toshinori still struggles so much with,   mostly because he never had a chance to properly,  rightfully,  apologise to sir nighteye.  i think seeing mirio hurts him as well,  thinking about the lost chances,  because he was the last person sir nighteye cherished.   yeah,  there’s still so much to grieve there;  still so much to accept,  forgive,  and remember.

—  his music playlist is a combination of genres:  metal and drill that he can blast throughout his hideouts until he’s on the verge of disorienting,  while blacking out away from everything around him.  a cacophony of shouting and something else at its core.  the volume up loud enough that he’s disturbing surrounding neighbors and rattling the floor underneath him. 

—  he doesn’t believe in love.  he knows the marriage between his parents was one of convenience and arrangements.  he knows the love his father claimed he had towards his children was no better than regurgitated lies.  these are his earliest examples of love and they’ve impacted him to the core.  he’s the byproduct of abandonment and the type of emotional abuse that doesn’t just go away.  he lacks the attachment bonds with his mother and that only worsen after the birth of his youngest brother.  he internalized the neglect from his father.  

he thinks he had love for natsuo and fuyumi.  before that love got burned out of him.  he responded to hearing shoto talk about natuso’s near-death with excitement binging on insanity.  mind settling on the idea that natsuo’s hypothetical death could have somehow caused endeavor more pain.  he didn’t immediately think or was able to think about how he would have felt if his brother had ultimately died by his own hands.  it was all simply about how that death could have impacted endeavor. 

he’s never been in a relationship.  there’s no type of stability for a relationship that isn’t marred by toxicity and his issues that would surely leave behind scars.   he’s unable to process his own emotions and navigate his own feelings in a healthy manner.   he’ll be subjecting his partner to what could be considered emotional abuse.   he's not a good person.  he's maimed and burned people alive for merely saying the wrong thing,  for irritating him.  for not living up to his own self-imposed expectations.  he doesn't plan on stopping anytime soon.