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"jesus christ BARTHOLOMEW!" Iris blurted out, when she opened the door to Barry's room, and the way she said it left no ambiguity whatsoever about exactly where she used capital letters and not. She slammed her hand over her eyes, trying desperately to avoid seeing her best friend's skinny, white butt.

It was kind of hard to avoid, seeing as somebody was riding a big, hard cock. Right there, in his childhood bedroom. On top of Grandma Esther's blue and purple quilt.

"Fuck, Iris, can you learn to knock for once in your life?" His voice was high-pitched and squeaky, and she could hear them scrambling for cover. She peeked between her fingers, and Barry had covered his bits with a pillow. The unknown guy was still mostly naked, though. And hot. And old.

She cocked her hips, leaned against the doorway, and crossed her arms, making no secret of how she studied the man in Barry's bed. Strong, tattooed arms; broad chest under a black tank top; condom slipping off his wilting erection; skinny, bare legs. Her eyes were drawn back to his face again, and his short, black hair with streaks of silver. "Didn't exactly expect you to be getting it on with Mr Silver Fox, here," she replied.

Barry blushed and stammered, more than usual, which only invited Iris to bring out her best teasing. She sauntered into the room, sat down on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed, and smiled. Barry always said she had an evil smile.

"I see that Barry is getting the full college twink experience. I hope you're rich, at least."

He laughed, stretching out his hand for her to shake. She looked at him, looked at Barry, then back again, and shook her head.

"I'm not touching that. God only knows where it's been."

"Fair enough," Silver Fox said, looking at his hands with embarrassment. "I'm Len, nice to meet you, though I can imagine a more pleasant situation to meet Barry's family."

"Oh," she said, her voice a deceptive silky lilt, "you ain't seen nothing yet. Did Barry tell you that Dad is a cop?"

It would have been fun, the way he blanched, if it didn't make her worried. She took a closer look at his tattoos. A spider web in pale blue spread across his upper arm. Prison tattoo.

Downstairs, the door slammed. "Hey kids, help me out with the groceries!" Joe shouted.

"We'll be down in a minute!" Iris yelled in reply. She turned back to the unlucky lovers. Len's eyes were wide, and his breathing was shallow. She whispered urgently. "Barry, get dressed and help Joe as quick as you can. Len, you can get down to the porch roof from my window. Careful, though, it's tin."

They didn't move. "What are you waiting for? Go, go, go!" She shooed them away, dragging Len to her room. He was still half naked, jeans in hand.

"I owe you one, Iris," he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

She grinned. "You've given me a lifetime of teasing material already. Now, get out, Bad Boy Len!"

Making as much noise as possible, she stomped down the stairs. "Hi, Dad! Whatcha get for us?"

"Sheesh, Iris, why are you such an elephant today, stomping around like you're wrecking the place? We're making chicken pot pie, and you're on veggie duty. Go on, help me put these groceries away. And where's Barry? You'd think he'd have time to help, if classes are as easy as he says they are."