#coherent narrative

Her name was Amelia. She lived in Toorak. Her dad was a millionaire who worked for some big international company. So during the second week, Amelia invited me over for a sleepover one weekend. I told my dad and asked him if I could go. “Where does she live?” he asked. “Toorak." I replied. His eyes lit up. “Oh! What’s the street name?” he asked in a jovial tone as he pulled out the Melways to look up the address. We’d driven around Toorak before. Sometimes on the way to or from the city, would drive past all the big beautiful houses. I’d point one and and my dad would guess how much they were worth. “What do you reckon that one’s worth?” I’d ask. “Hmm, it doesn’t have a big gate...probably $700” He’d say with the hundred thousand implied. “What about this one?” I’d ask again. His whistle, that could be interpreted and translated in different ways, usually meaning ‘a great or vast amount’. “That’s definitely over a mil”. My dad was pretty good a guessing things. When we would be out grocery shopping, I would give him a piece of fruit, he would move it around in his hand, throw it up slightly a couple of times and guess the weight. “Hmmm.. 300gm.” He’d say. I’d run over to the scales that hung over the piles of fruit and veg and place the fruit in there and sure enough, it would be 300gm. He was only every off by 10 or so grams. ‘The stem must have fallen off.’ he’d say if he got it wrong.

That weekend, Dad drove me to Amelia’s. We counted the houses until we reached which one was theirs. He whistled. ‘Private gate’ he said. “Whattya reckon it costs?” I asked? “Let’s see when we get inside!” He said We rang the doorbell from the gate. A voice came out. “Hello?” “Hello” my dad said in a clear voice. “Can you hear me?” He asked, not knowing if he was supposed to press on of the buttons. “Yes, I can here you. I can see you too.’ Said the voice. My dad’s eyes darting around for a camera. “Come on in.” We heard a buzzing sound, and the gate slowly begun to open and we both whistled simultaneously.

Amelia and her parents were standing at the double front door and welcomed us into the entrance that was the size of our dining room, kitchen and lounge room together. The staircase winded upstairs along the wall like something I’d only ever seen in the movies. My dad an I stood there speechless, trying to keep our cool and that seeing a house like this was nothing out of the norm. The parents talked and I heard my dad say that he would be around at 11am the following day to pick me up. I ran up the giant staircase and stopped halfway around and looked down at my dad and waved goodbye. The expression on his face said ‘Please God please, stay friends with this one!’  But that wouldn’t happen. Amelia showed me to her room, or rooms should I say. Her bedroom, as in the room that her 4 post mahogany queen bed was in.

I stopped at the door. “Would you like me to take my shoes off before I come in?” I asked politely. “Um, if you want? Why?” She asked. “I have to take my shoes off before walking on the carpet at my house. Incase my shoes are dirty?” I said. “Oh, don’t worry about that” she exclaimed. “We have a cleaner," She said brazenly . "Oh you mean like a vacuum cleaner?" I said. "No, a cleaner. Someone that cleans our house." She replied and rolled her eyes while she  turned back to walked into her room. I stepped foot on that carpet with my shoe on - I felt like I was doing something wrong. Plus I knew that if it made a mess, that I would be responsible for the cleaner having to clean up after me. So I tiptoed onto the carpet instead. “You can put your bag here” She said, gesturing to a spot next to her mahogany tall boy that matched her Mahogany Queen Sized bed. “I’m going to take my shoes off anyway” I announced. “Okayyy” she said with that 14 year old ‘you’re weird’, kind of tone. I sat down and basked in the sheer height of the ceilings and gazed upon the ornate crown moulding that lined the edges. I stood back up and I felt my feet sink slightly into the carpet. I’d never felt anything like it. “Is this brand new carpet?!” I asked “No?” she said in the same tone as she said ‘Okayyy’. “Feels new. It's so soft and bouncy. ” I said as I bounced gently on the spot. “That’s your bed?” I asked “Yeahhh??” She said again in the same confused tone. “What you don’t have a bed?” She asked. “Ofcourse I have a bed, but not a frame! My parents don’t even have a bed like this!” I told her. “Can I sit on it?” I asked. “Knock yourself out” She said.  I pulled the thick, heavy doona back and it made the same sound as the display beds in Myer. (Homegoods was on the top level of the department store, as was the counter for the Lay-by section.) “Wow! Is this goose or duck feathers?” I asked in excitement. “My dad just got a duck quilt off layby. He says goose is the best, but in some cases a high quality duck down can be better than a goose down.” I proudly said, as if I were imparting knowledge on her. “I don’t know and I don’t really care. “Why are you asking all these weird questions?” She jumped up onto the bed and sat directly on the doona. “What are you doing!?” I shrieked. You’re not supposed sit on a feather doona! You’ll damage the feathers!!” She laughed “You’re funny. Let’s go hang out in my TV room.” “You’re TV room?” I repeated in disbelief.

She slid off the bed and walked to another door. While her back was turned I quickly fluffed the doona back up to save the feathers. She stood in front of another set of double doors, that slid to each side and unveiled another room that was just as big as her actual bed room. An entire wall showcasing a collection of CD’s and DVD’s. Behind that wall was her own ensuite bathroom. She had a reasonable sized TV, but not as big and as good as the ones I’d seen in Myer, but bigger than the one colour TV that we had at home. She walked behind her computer desk and and began typing away at her very own laptop” “Whoa, you’ve got laptop?!” I said, wide eyed.

“Yeah, but it’s piece of shit I’m getting the latest Sony one soon.” She said. I knew the one she was talking about, I’d seen the commercial.  Soon after Her mum walked into the room dressed in same type of clothes that I’d seen on the mannequins in Myer. Her lipstick, a deep maroon, matched the colour of her purse and high heels, or stilettos I should say. I had recently learnt at the modelling school. Not a single hair on her head was out of place, nor did it move. I imagined the amount of hairspray that would have been used to keep it all in place.

“We’re leaving now Amelia. You girls have fun.” her mum said. “Bye” Amelia said, without even look up from her laptop & her mum walked out. “They’re going out?” I asked. Did my dad know that we were going to be unsupervised? Surely not. “Yeah, they’ll probably be back tomorrow. Hey you want a beer?” Tomorrow? I thought. “Uhh a beer?” I asked hesitantly. “What you’ve never had a beer before?” she asked in a seemingly judgemental tone. “Of course I’ve tried one before.’ I lied. “I’ll get you one” She said as she came out from behind her desk and walked out of the bedroom. I remember feeling so stupid and now nervous. ‘Why couldn’t you just say no? Now you have to drink it or else it will be rude. What if dad finds out that we were unsupervised AND drinking! “Here” she said, as she handed me the brown glass bottle of beer. I didn’t even recognize the label from the commercials on TV. This one had a red and purple label, with the word ‘MOONSHINE’ in white letters across the top. “My dad has cases of the stuff. He doesn’t notice it’s gone.” she said. “Oh cool” I said back and took a swig. “Ughhh” I winced and shook in disgust. My entire face pursed together like I had put 2 warheads in my mouth. It was bitter and my breath felt hot. My ears clicked open and my nose cleared up like I’d just sniffed a vic’s vapor rub. “The taste gets better after a few sips.” she said taking a big swig of her own. I remember thinking to myself, how the hell was I going to be able to get rid of this drink. ‘I’ll take it to the bathroom with me and tip some of it down the sink while I’m washing my hands. Wait, but what if she goes in after me? She’ll smell it for sure.’ I sat on the couch awkwardly, and slowly slipped away and focusing all my attention on not retching at the taste and smell of what I would only learn years later that the Grand Ridge Brewery Moonshine Scotch Ale that I drank 8.5%. I only realise I was affected by it after I stood up to go to the bathroom. It felt pretty good, Dizzy, but happy. And warm. Then I entered my 'brown out' stage.

“Let’s jump in the pool.” she suggested, laughing. “No way! I laughed” It’s freezing outside!” “The pool is heated.” She said convincingly

The last memories I have of that night were of her and I jumping in the pool, fully clothed. Not thinking or even caring about having to lie about my wet clothes the next day. We came back upstairs and I got dressed into my pyjamas.

“You want some pills?” she said. “What are they for?” I asked. “They make you feel good” she said. “Yeah ok” I agreed. I took the blue pill from the palm of her hand, full knowing I shouldn't take it. That it was stupid and irresponsible and kind of scary. ‘Don’t swallow it, Don’t you dare swallow it’ I told myself as I waited for Amelia to turn around so I could spit it out, and I did.  I spat it back out, put it in my hand, then hid it in my bag.

That was the last thing I remember doing. I woke the next day realising that I didn’t even remember going to bed. I sat up and saw I was in the bed. I was freaked, but composed because I didn't want to seem like a loser that couldn't handle their shit. I got up and walked into the TV room and saw Amelia on the couch in her TV room, with the TV still turned on.

“Morning” she said. “Morning” I said back. “You slept for ages. Get dressed and we’ll go grab some food.” she said

We walked down the road to a take away food shop, where Amelia was known by the owners. She ordered me a Souvlaki or a Gyros type thing - It was the first time I’d ever eaten anything like that and it was friggen delicious. We sat inside the small shop take-away shop and munched away as bits of meat, onion and red lettuce fell between our fingers onto the paper bag beneath it. “You ever had marijuana before?” she asked “No. But my sister does it all the time.” I replied. “I do” She said. “Where do you even get it from?” I asked. “I have sex with this guy and he just gives it to me, for free!” She said.

That evening that we checked in, my friend-league Brooke sat and talked about the mischief we got into up at the our last conference in Cairns over a couple of house wines mixed with solo and grazed at a shared bowl of wedges topped with bacon and melted cheese. It’s funny when you agree to sharing something off the menu even though you are both quite hungry but didn’t want to order a main. You suddenly notice that you’re paying attention to which potato wedge has more seasoning, and melted cheese on it and strategically scoop the bacon bits onto your side of the bowl. The dips into the sweet chilli sauce get more selfish with each swipe. We washed them down with a wine and solo, a drink that we coined ‘our drink’ bact at our first conference together on a warm night in Darwin together some months back. I walked out of the lift and fumbled around in my bag insearch of my room key when I felt my foot become wet from what I could only hope was water soaking through my $20 spend-less-shoes ballerina slippers.

 When I took my next step I heard that unmistakable squish soaked carpet makes. I rushed to the bathroom thinking “I must have left the tap on” even though I had never left a tap running before in my life and in the back of my mind I knew that it would have taken much more than an overflowing bathroom sink to make this amount of flooding. Finding that it wasn’t from my bathroom, I felt the walls thinking maybe it was dripping down but they weren’t. Then I heard yelling next door. The more I paid attention to the sound, I could hear it was a male and female couple, and that the television was turned up loud. I texted Brooke who came up to my room immediately. We both listened next door and could hear that these people were drunk or on the gear. 

“If my bathroom is on this side of the room, then this wall where the water is leaking, must be coming from their bathroom. I’m gonna knock on their door and see if whats up.” I said. I walked out and stood infront of their door, I looked once over at Brooke & we shared one of those ‘who knows what’s going to happen next’ looks & I knocked on the door. We heard the voices go quiet and heard heavy feet staunch to the door. We looked at eachother again with wide eyes as if to say ‘what the fuck’. The door opened and I quickly whipped my neck back to face the person standing behind it, to find a slightly overweight man with faded prison style tattoos on his chest and biceps, standing  there completely naked. I awkwardly tried keep direct eye contact with him but both of his eyes were cock-eyed, I didn’t know which one to look at! I made a choice and locked onto the left one and didn’t budge. I don’t think I even blinked. I didn’t even want to accidentally look at this junkies sad junk.

“Yeah?” He burped. “Uhh, G’day. I’m staying next door and my room is flooded. Is your room alright? Or have you guys maybe left a tap running?” I asked gently. “Ohh! Is it?” He smiled. “We’re ‘avin a bath.” He drunkly says “Ahh ok, that probably explains the water in my room, aye. Is the bath overflowing?” “You wanna come in and check it out” He burped again at the end of that sentence. “Hahaha” I laughed in a friendly manner “I’m gonna have to pass on that offer mate.” I declined politely, not wanting to upset him. Not that I cared about his feelings, but because I’ve known people like this in the past and they can be… unpredictable I think being the best word here. He just stared at me. Or he was looking at Brooke standing behind me, I couldn’t tell. He’s eyes were so skewed, they were like two repelling magnets. “Alright, well have a good one.” I said, as I turned and looked back at Brooke with even wider eyes that internally screamed “OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.” We linked arms and laughed our way down the corridor to the lift, all the way down to the check in desk where we told the receptionist about my room.

“I knocked on their door to ask them if they’re room was also flooded..” I said “and..” “Did he answer the door naked?” She interrupted “Unfortunately, yes. Urgh, you had to see that to huh” I sympathized with her. “Yes, he invited in to have a look, but I was too afraid! I’ve seen enough movies to know that that was one of those ‘don’t go in there’ moments.' We laughed. “We’ll, they’re having a bath and it’s obviously overflowing because it’s flooded the carpet in my room.” I explained. “Oh God" she said as she rolled her eyes. "I called security about this half an hour ago and they’re still not here.” She said to us. “I think you may need to call the cops for this one.” I said back to her. “We’ll put you in a different room, but it might not be for another hour or so.” She told me. It was pretty late, around 8pm. Brooke and I had already eaten a handful of wedges but we went going to say no to having to go back out for another drink. “Oh, if we must” we sarcastically sighed to eachother. “Is anything of yours damaged from the water? ” She asked. “No” I answered. “My bags are still packed and sitting on my bed.” “Ok great.” She replied as she typed away in her computer. “If it’s ok with you, we can take your bags into your new room when it’s ready?” she asked. “Yeah sure, no worries” I responded.

“Oh this isn’t dandruff” she says. “Are you sure?” I ask. “Because when I scratch my head there’s always always always skin under my nails. And it’s always itchy” “Yeah nah, you’re not rinsing the shampoo out of your hair thoroughly enough babes.” she says. “Ohh ok” I said confused and unconvinced. “But just to be sure, what you need is to buy this scalp treatment (for $29.95), then you’ve gotta use this same brand shampoo and conditioner (at $19.95 for the shampoo but $24.95 for conditioner.”

You better bloody believe that the conditioner bottle is 50ml smaller than the shampoo) Then when you’re out of the shower, run this leave in conditioner mousse (at $16.95 a pop) and massage this light oil into your scalp ($49.95 for a 10ml glass bottle) - I know it’s expensive, but you literally only need the tiniest bit so it will last you forever. So ontop of the $250 I just wasted on the appointment, she’s trying to get another $100+ out of me through products. I can’t stand it when people do that. What is most annoying about the whole experience, is how these people pressure you into buying their products. They’ll pull them off the shelf and sit them in front of you on the little table, or even at the cash register, in order to make you feel guilty about not buying them! It’s a sales tactic. Everybody knows it. It’s what salesman do. BUT HEY, HAIR EXPERTS - YOU’RE NOT SALESMEN, YOU’RE HAIR EXPERTS. SO JUST DO THAT. They only want to boost their sales by guilting you into buying their products, 100%.