#cody jagerman

The Jägerman brothers

same input, different output

Growing up in their minefield of a home, Max had taken on an alpha persona in an attempt to protect himself, enrolling in football and throwing parties and climbing to the utmost top of the social ladder, gaining control in ways he could not at home. His fear of humiliation and losing control in situations he should be safe in has stemmed from his violent interactions with his father, turning him into the intimidating, overpowered, “Literal Monster” he proudly(?) claims to be today to avoid any of that vulnerable danger he’s terrified to be found in. Brash and scary, he uses his strength and size to keep people cowering, just in case someone were to overpower him in the way his father does at home. When they were younger, Max had taken it upon himself be Cody’s protector from their father and bullies at school because he felt it his duty as an older brother—he even gave 7 year old Cody his name when he first told 8 year old Max he was a boy—until the beginning of middle school, where their differing reactions to their mother’s leave and their father’s abuse have pushed them apart. Max barely acknowledges Cody at school anymore. Max is worried what opening up to his first best friend in years will do to his reputation, believing vulnerability to be a weakness, so to keep his image intact, he either pretends that Cody is a stupid little bug under his foot, or that he doesn’t exist at all—no matter how much he wishes he could laugh with him again. 

Cody has always been emotionally sensitive. Since he was a toddler, it was clear to everyone that when he was happy, he was happy, and when he was sad, he was sad. His external presentation of his feelings was always dialed to the maximum to the point where he was constantly stifled and shouted out for “acting out”, when most of the time, his temper tantrumswere overstimulated meltdowns that his father did not care to understand. If he wasn’t upset, Cody’s happiness translated in bursts of volume and rapid, erratic movements, but despite them being positive emotions, they were reprimanded as much as his negative ones for being disruptive and irritating. As a result, Cody has become very isolated and withdrawn, keeping to himself and masking his emotions as a way to ensure he wouldn’t be shouted at. Snippish and sarcastic, he uses unkind words as a defense mechanism to keep people at arm’s length, just in case anyone gets too close to see the terrified, sensitive kid beneath the harsh, deadpan insults and tell him he’s a burden and too much. When they were younger, Cody thought Max was the coolest person in the whole wide world. Now, they’re almost strangers living in the same home. Cody would never, ever tell Max that he’s afraid of him now, but he would die before he ever admits he misses his big brother, and how much they loved each other.

“Hey, man. Is… is your brother doing ok?”

(@retrotwins2003)

Cody whips around at the tap, eyes meeting an unfamiliar face. Oh, no. Wait—he knows who this is.