#coderedrebel

I should have listened to my mom. You remember that moment when mom told you not to touch the stove? How many of you did? Well, that happened to me last night. I had been planning a single cheat day for July first, but I’ve been anxious about it. Mom told me that I didn’t need to do it, that I could just keep going. But then, David said that a planned cheat day might help me avoid “falling off the wagon” later on. If you didn’t know, he’s a really smart guy. He’s also really healthy and I figured, yeah, it’s just a day. I don’t have to overdo it. I’ll jump right in again the day after. Who knows? Maybe this will kill all of the “carb-mares” I’ve been having about eating pizza in my sleep. 

Mom, you were right. Like usual. Here’s my cheat day: 

Tried honey in my coffee first, which I’ve expressed was the biggest sacrifice for Code Red. Proceeded to taste weird… strangely acidic… not good. And then I suddenly started sweating and my leg started bouncing and I was struggling to calm down enough to complete an online group assignment... realized I was having a sweaty, uncomfortable sugar rush akin to the “Pepsi Power” moments in my childhood. I’m pretty sure someone in Florida taking this class with me now thinks I’m on drugs or something. Bouncing. I was literally bouncing, guys. 

I used to think coffee caused my morning sweats and anxiety… but regular coffee with cream hasn’t been doing that this month... Honey?? How could you? It’s been YOU all along, you backstabbing traitor! 

Tried toast with my regular omelette. Immediately felt a stomach ache. It was sprouted grain, you guys, nothing crazy. What the heck?

Here’s where it gets interesting. Had a lovely friend over and ordered some pad thai… made some popcorn. These used to be my favorite things. Watched some Netflix (also haven’t watched TV all of June) and dug in. Tasted pretty good. Then… oh boy… I started sweating, and as it got later I started to feel like I had a sudden, strange head cold and cough. I felt swollen. And thirsty even after liters of water. My head ached. My body ached. 

The day after I woke up at noon. Noon, guys. And I could have kept sleeping. Still aching. My joints ache. I’m thirty, and my joints ache. But really, they kind of ached before I started Code Red, so… Let’s also add stomach issues to that and allergies. I used to have weird food allergies- like a strange scratchiness in my throat when I ate certain veggies. It got real bad with avocado, which used to be a favorite. Well, cucumber has been a staple for my diet recently, and I started having that same reaction this morning getting back into my food routine. Weird, right? What is happening??

Lesson learned. But you know, it was a great lesson. It reminded me of what it was like before crawling out of this pit. Before this month, I struggled with high blood pressure, was pre-diabetic, had food allergies, stomach issues, muscle and joint issues- all of it. One month, and my blood tests came back amazing. Stomach issues abated and my blood pressure isn’t good, it’s great. And my anxiety over ever going back to feeling like that- that anxiety was shot with this cheat day. It’s beginning to dawn on me that God really has answered my prayers, and that he deserves the credit for setting me free from this. I prayed desperately for freedom. I felt so trapped in a cycle… and I truly believe he reached in and took me out of those waters. I could not have done this without him. I’ve tried. And he’s given me an amazing support system, friends and sisters in Christ who have helped me identify and work through the idols at the root of my food issues. God initiated this. And this cheat day just proved to me that it can’t be undone. 

I never want to feel this way again.