#codependentbrothers

           Sam is pretty classically depressed and like Dean, not typically suicidal but unlike Dean, still actively looking for death. Where Dean is passively trying to drink himself to death and throwing himself into the hunt, Sam is seeking absolution in sacrifice.  Again and again.  Where Dean’s trapped in the way John Winchester defined his life, Sam is trapped in the boundaries Dean has set for him.

           Like Dean, Sam loves his brother.  Dean is the only constant in his life but where Dean never tried to establish a life outside of the hunt, Sam did, and hunting destroyed it.  Sam has been conditioned to believe that the supernatural will punish him and anyone else he reaches out to.  Dean has told him over and over that any attempt to ‘leave’ hunting is a betrayal of Dean whether it’s to go to college or because he thinks Dean is dead when Dean’s in purgatory.  Dean has taught Sam that he chooses Dean or betrays him, there is no middle ground.

           Dean’s inability to deal with his own pain means that when Sam does chose Dean, he’s belittled and attacked.  

 ·      He’s told he’s a freak.  

·      That if he wasn’t Dean’s brother, Dean would hunt him.  

·      That it should be Sam instead of Charlie on that pyre.  

·      That Benny has been a better brother to Dean than Sam.  

 When Sam says about being tricked into having Gadreel possess him rather than letting him die if it were the same circumstances, he wouldn’t do it to Dean, Dean accuses Sam of saying he wouldn’t try to save Dean.  His careful words are used against him.  This isn’t to say that he has never been hurtful to Dean—he called Dean weak.  But it is interesting to see that Sam never reminds Dean of the times Dean has hurt him, never asks Dean to explain or apologize.  Never appears to hold Dean’s words against him.  

At the church where Sam attempted the third trial, Dean had a list of Sam’s sins.  Sam has no list of Dean’s sins.  

           There’s a psychological state called learned helplessness.  The classic experiment involves putting dogs in a cage where the floor was electrified to give them a mild shock.  Some of the dogs are put in a cage with a low barrier that allows them to leap to a side of the cage where the floor isn’t electrified.  The dogs that can’t escape eventually give up and stop trying, accepting the shocks and exhibiting the classic signs of depression.  Watch Sam’s face when Dean tells him it should be him on the pyre instead of Charlie and he’s internalizing Dean’s words.  Yes, his face says.  Of course.

           Depression is the inability to like oneself. Co-dependence is feeding unhealthy needs.  Sam feeds Dean’s need to be the one in charge, to be superior.  Dean feeds Sam’s understanding of himself as loathsome. If he leaves Dean, he’s proven he’s not loyal.  If he stays he’s reminded of his failings over and over.

           Sam is innately smart, good, and hard working. He’s also gorgeous and I’d appreciate some more shirtless scenes, CW.  He’s not overtly charming like Dean, and makes friends more slowly but at Stanford had a normal circle of friends.  Over the years he seems to have lost the ability to be close to people, able only to be a friend to Dean’s friends.  Charlie was Dean’s friend so only then could Sam become her friend.  Cas is Dean’s angel and only then can he be Sam’s friend. Sam loves Dean but his need to loath himself and be loyal to Dean means that he can’t ask for anything for himself and if he wants something, he has to ask for it for Dean because only Dean can deserve good things.  

             Two Halves

           If I were having a party, I’d want Dean around at the beginning.  He’d be fun at dinner, telling great stories and charming everyone.  I’d keep the beer flowing and the food going.  Sam could hang back and listen and find his brother entertaining.  Everyone else could bask in the light of Dean’s charm.

           The hopefully around ten Dean would want to kick things up a notch, find a place where there was something going on and some of the party would leave with him.  They’d head out for a bar and some pool.  The handful of us that were left, including Sam, would get into some of those ‘I’ve had a couple of drinks but I’m not drunk’ conversations about history or politics or something.  That’s the part of the evening where I’d want Sam.  

           My favorite part of the night is that talky part which is probably why I find Sam a more appealing guy.  Dean wears his feelings on his sleeve.  He bitches about Sam wanting to talk and being all emo but Dean is the one who shows his emotions.  Dean keeps as many secrets as Sam.  Sam just feels more secretive because he doesn’t always reveal his feelings. He’s a harder character to ‘get.’