#code404it

Since I have been in HOT pursuit of better, I have gained a few more skills.

 I know about ALL things SaaS because I went through a SDR boot camp and briefly worked as an SDR for a start-up.

I know about LINUX because I thought I wanted to get into AWS and the ever elusive CLOUD. I changed my mind before I got in too deep. 

I just recently completed a program for PROJECT MANAGEMENT. 

I have to tell you, I like it. 

There is a career that will marry my DEV skills to my PROJECT MANAGEMENT skills...I just have to find it. 

Let me also say this. There is NO LIMIT to how many times a person starts over or needs to pivot. I believe B.T. EXPRESS said it best... 

Keep Going...

So...after helping my friend. 

I knew that I would not be available to continue to help due to the fact that I have started a new job and took on a consulting job as well. 

I made the choice to keep going and put these terms up.

I will most likely keep going with this until I can’t.

I don’t know if this will help anyone else, but it’s out there for anyone. 

I tried to keep the language as simple as possible. 

so, let’s talk about 2020 for a moment.

it wasn’t all trash. 

it wasn’t all good. 

in my life, 2020 served as a giant mirror.

for the first time in my life i could clearly see what was working and what wasn’t working. 

at the same time, i was constantly being tested...my resolve was being tested...my spiritual life was tested...

my trust that “everything happens for a reason” was exhausted.

as we are less than a week into 2021 i still don’t understand every lesson i was taught and i can’t reason somethings that did happen away. 

what i do know is this...

i made it. i am alive. my children made it. my children are alive.

i will not waste time with “comparison gratitude”...you know where you look at what you have to be grateful for and then look at someone who has less and that is where your gratitude really comes from.

nope.

i have what i have because that is what is for me, and for now that has to be enough for me. 

i am ready for 2021...i am ready for the promise and i am ready for positive change.

i have adopted the practice of not making new year’s resolutions...

instead i spend time thinking about a word that will define my year. a word that will remind me of what this year is all about. a word to pick me up when i am at a low point. 

my word for this year is flourish. 

i have put in a good amount of work and i have put a lot of hope/faith into the work i have done. (and there is still more work to do) 

this is the year for the results of all of my effort to flourish. 

in 2021... i am ready to work. 

in 2021... i am ready to reap the rewards of my work. 

Success IS something you define and work hard for. 

Start today with understanding YOUR definition of success. 

In the illustrious words of AUSTIN POWERS...“Allow myself to introduce...myself.”

I suppose I could tell “my story” but that could get a little wordy and if you have read any of my blogs, I tend to be on the wordy side. 

I’m thinking bullet points with some explanations PRN.(pro re nata)

Let’s see I suppose I can skip to the important stuff like...

I was excited at my kindergarten graduation because of the ‘Precious Moments’ t-shirt I was given and it had “Class of ‘99″ written on it. 

For the longest time (in elementary school) I thought I was going to be a gymnast, thanks to MARY LOU RETTON.

I hated my name because in the 80′s the only people named “JESSICA” were Jessica Tandy, Jessica Lange, & Baby Jessica (look her up).

Perhaps I should move things along. 

In middle school I just knew I was going to be an OB/GYN and you could not tell me otherwise. 

In high school I no longer wanted to be an OB/GYN because I realized it was more involved and delivering babies was only part of the job.

High school was a tough time for me. I had friends and a social life so that was the okay part. My grades were okay. The hard part was when my mother’s abuse went into over drive and in my sophomore year I was removed from my house because my mother tried to kill me. I was too scared to press charges against her, so the police did what I couldn’t do. 

I found myself without much input from my mom when I did move back home so I took charge of the rest of my life and in the FALL of my junior year I enlisted in the UNITED STATES ARMY. I had done so well in my JROTC classes (I put in 4 years) I went in as an E-3 and my MOS (military occupational skill) was a COMBAT MEDIC. 

Gonna speed up some more. 

I ended up getting pregnant at the ripe ol’ age of 19 and I gave birth at the age of 20.

I moved from CALIFORNIA to GEORGIA in my tiny Coral colored Dodge Neon. 

I didn’t know I was pregnant when I made the choice to move. For future reference there are only 1,875 days from my 1st child to my last child. At one point in my life I had 4 children under the age 6. 

Jobs I had in Georgia before landing in tech:

Selling perfume on the street 

Selling Furniture & Mattresses 

Nurse

Gym Membership Sales

Red Cross Blood Donation Appointment Setter

E*Trade 

Comcast 

Self Employed (13 years)

Bartender/Lead Mixologist/Bar Manager/Brand Ambassador/Brand Strategist 

Lyft

Shipt

Software Engineer/Full Stack Dev (currently unemployed)

In all of this time I have been...

Married

Divorced

In 2 long term relationships...well 3.

On a quest to be comfortable with me being Bi-Sexual

Getting along better with my mother. 

Working on my relationship with my father who was homeless and lived in a PORT ‘O POTTY for years after he helped me move from California, which was only a month after he lost the only man he knew as his father. (there’s really so much to unpack there but I won’t.) He ended up hitchhiking from the MOJAVE DESERT to SAN FRANCISCO, got help and has had a roof over his head for the past 3+ years. Incidentally my father also called me one day an told me I had another sister. I thought she was going to be a toddler...she was actually 24! 

Able to purchase a mini van for $2500 after not having a car for 1091 days. Can you imagine that? With 4 kids...sheesh! 

Fortunate to get a NEWER car like a 2013 SUV when the mini van died. It wasn’t without incident either. It was the 1st week of the new school year and also the week that I was to give my daughter her SWEET 16. 

To move my family out of the apartment complex where we had lived for the better part of a decade and into a house.

To see my oldest daughter graduated from High School

 On the receiving end of my oldest son’s diagnosis of Crohn’s Disease. At the time he had lost so much weight. He was 16 years old and weighed 65 pounds. That was with me feeding him every 2 hours. I did my research and took him to the hospital with MY DIAGNOSIS. I knew it was one of two things he either had stomach cancer (for which I was preparing myself for his death) OR it was Crohn’s. His doctor looked at me with such profound confusion but ultimately thanked me for being so dedicated to his well being. She also told me that she had not seen such a severe case before and said that the measures I took prior to bringing him in were incredible.  I am proud to say that he is over 120 pounds and is doing much better. 

It has been a wild ride. 

It’s crazy to see snippets of my life written out.  

I know that life throws so many curve balls and please understand I did not handle a lot of this with grace. 

Deep depressions and life ending thoughts consumed me. 

It was only my kids that kept me from doing the absolute worst. 

They are the reason why I am alive today. 

They are my reasons. 

They are my “why”.

I don’t share my story to create some kind of “success story”. 

I share it because most people will not share their truth for fear of shame. 

If you learn NOTHING else from reading my “series of unfortunate events”...

learn this...

Life is scary and you have to FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANY WAY! 

My life is far from perfect BUT my life is so real...no “air-brush”... no “retouches”...no “edits”.

...or you could always go with what Michael Jackson said... 

“Don’t stop ‘til you get enough.”

In any event...the point is don’t stop until you are satisfied. Your success is up to you. 

When all else fails...go with Journey...