#code vein mc

Louis shifts his stance enough to cast a glance over his shoulder, a touch of amusement curling in him at the sight of Yakumo holding one of his ubiquitous onigiri; Yakumo always has some of the damn things on him, though at least he’s stopped attempting to offer them to Louis.

(Though, Erich hasn’t had the joy of trying them yet, has he?)

(That will be an interesting—)

“If I completely lost the memory of my human past, I wouldn’t be me anymore,” Yakumo continues with, and Louis freezes, dread pooling in his stomach; he knew he should have pulled at least Yakumo aside before they left! He knew how Yakumo felt about memories, about losing them, about holding onto things, but somehow he’d not expected the man to just— just—!

“I would just be… something in the shape of me,” Yakumo says gloomily, oblivious to Louis’ rising panic. “I’d look like a revenant, but on the inside I’d be no different than the Lost. What’s the point of living like that?”

Breath hisses between Louis’ teeth and he turns, desperately hoping that Erich hasn’t taken offense, that Yakumo hasn’t lost them their best — only? — hope—

Erich is watching Yakumo with an unreadable look in his gaze and his expression otherwise calm; Louis would almost think the man completely unaffected, but there’s… something about him, about the way he’s standing, and the way his right hand is slightly curled, that makes Louis wary. It doesn’t seem like Erich’s about to lash out — his stance isn’t correct for that, at least — but if the man internalizes those words, comes to believe that he isn’t any better than a Lost, that his only worth is in fighting and pushing back the miasma—

No. He can’t let that happen. Can’t let the man think that he doesn’t matter when he absolutely does, when Louis would have welcomed him into their group even without the man’s unusual gifts!

Yakumo rises to his feet and shrugs his jacket into a slightly more comfortable position; he’s not looking in Louis’ direction, though, so he entirely misses the sharp ‘cut it out!’ gesture that Louis makes. Erich does, though, his amber gaze flickering away from Yakumo to settle on Louis for a brief, puzzled moment, before Yakumo opens his damn mouth again and pulls Erich’s attention back to him.

“I served in the army, back before I became a revenant. We used to eat these things when we were out on missions,” Yakumo says as he gestures slightly with the hand holding the onigiri. “I guess… it helps me remember.” He pauses, hand curling slightly towards his chest and chin tipping down, and adds, “It was a miserable time, but I made some good friends that I shouldn’t let myself forget. This stuff doesn’t really taste that great, but eating it always reminds me of those friends.”

Louis wrinkles his nose. Doesn’t taste that great is an understatement in his opinion; Yakumo’s onigiri tend to taste like absolutely nothing, not even salt, which is absurd when Louis knows the damn things are salted to high hell.

This time, the look Erich casts him over Yakumo’s shoulder has an edge of amusement to it. Which is… probably good? But at the same time, it makes Louis really want to see the man try to choke down the tasteless, sticky mess that Yakumo calls ‘onigiri’ and see how amused he is then.

“So I guess you could say it helps me stay me,” Yakumo announces a bit more cheerfully, as he walks past Erich towards the ramp down into the waterlogged morass below. “It’s been an important companion in my life!” he adds with a wry grin while turning back towards Erich, who huffs a small laugh and nods a bit, before freezing as he finally catches sight of Louis.

“Yakumo,” Louis says with as much quiet fury as he can. “Can we talk for a moment?”

“Er… sure?” Yakumo flashes a cheerful smile at Erich and says, “Sorry, we’ll be just a moment, alright?” before striding over to Louis, expression wary and fingers tightening on his onigiri enough to start deforming it a bit. “What’s up?” he asks quietly as Louis gestures him into the vague privacy of a nook made by rubble.

Louis quickly checks where Erich is just to be sure the man isn’t close enough to overhear, then quietly says, “Please never, never talk about memories like that around Erich again. This is also on me because I didn’t think to warn you, but… please try to avoid it, if possible.”

Yakumo blinks at him in confusion. “Louis…?”

“He…” Louis grimaces, wrestling with how much he should say, before sighing and running a hand through his hair. “Look, I’m sorry. I should have mentioned it, and I didn’t, but… neither Erich nor Io remember anything.”

He can see the moment Yakumo understands: it’s in the way he stiffens, the way his eyes round and his face blanches, the way the breath stutters in his throat and his chin tucks down towards his chest.

“Nothing?” Yakumo repeats in a horrified whisper.

“Nothing,” Louis confirms wearily. “Best I can tell, Erich has about a day or two of memories from before I found the two of them and Io has a few days more, but neither of them know anything about themselves beyond their names.”

“Shit. And I just… I said… shit…!”

Louis hums in agreement and steps closer, bumping his shoulder against Yakumo’s arm in an attempt at comfort. “Eat your damn tasteless onigiri,” he murmurs instead of saying anything else, content that Yakumo understands now and will do his best to help Louis head off any potential issues.

Yakumo scoffs and drives his elbow into Louis’ side in retaliation, though he does take another bite of his food and chews thoughtfully. “You thought about talking with Davis?” he asks the instant he swallows his bite. “Guy’s lost a bunch of his past, if I remember right.”

“I’ve considered it,” Louis agrees as he leans into Yakumo a bit and tips his head up to stare at the vast hole in the distance. “But I just don’t know…”

“If you should go waving that bit of info in front of everyone? Yeah, that makes sense.” Yakumo shoves the last bit of his onigiri in his mouth and dusts his hands off, chewing and swallowing so hastily that Louis is almost certain he’s going to choke. He doesn’t though, and promptly wipes at his mouth as he wryly says, “Still, might want to figure out how to let everyone else know, just so no one else sticks their foot in it like me.”

Louis grimaces but nods in agreement. He should probably just ask Erich and Io if it’s fine for others to knows about their situation — that will be the least invasive way to handle this, he knows — but he’s definitely not looking forward to that conversation. Not because they’ll fight him or be rude or anything, but because… because Erich will probably just quietly agree, and Io will follow his lead, and Louis will be left once again not knowing if they agreed because they want to or because they think they should.

He’s already having that problem with what they’re doing right now, dragging Erich out into the Gaol of the Mists in search of mistle and Bloodsprings: did Erich agree to help them because he wanted to or because Louis was the first friendly face he met that didn’t end up turning into a Lost? Does he actually agree with Louis’ plans, or is he just following along because he has no other purpose, no other direction, and he might as well go along with it?

(Fuck, if Louis was like some of the larger gang leaders, bright and charismatic and cruel, would Erich and Io still have fallen in with them so easily?)

(Power like Erich’s… almost anyone would do their best to flatter and praise and twist their way into controlling it.)

(Is… is Louis doing the same thing?)

(Is he just using them?)

A sharp elbow drives the breath from his lungs and slams him back into the rubble behind him, snapping him free of his twisting thoughts.

“You back with me?” Yakumo asks with a frown, then reaches out to poke Louis between his eyebrows. “You got all silent and guilty looking. Talk to me here, man.”

Louis groans and bats Yakumo’s hand away from his face. “It’s nothing,” he tries to deflect, then scowls when Yakumo just plants himself in front of him.

Yakumo clicks his tongue, gaze sweeping across Louis and then over at the rubble blocking their view of Erich. “Let me guess. You’re worried about coercing him.”

“It would be so easy,” Louis practically whines, letting his head thump against the rubble behind him. “If I say the wrong thing, give him the wrong idea—”

“Yeah, let me know how that works out for you,” Yakumo interrupts with a snort. “He’s quiet, but he’s got some pretty solid instincts. Er… well… people instincts at least. Not so much the instincts of ‘high places bad, watch your footing’, he absolutely does not have those.”

Louis chokes on his laughter, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, and futilely drives a foot into Yakumo’s leg in retaliation; it’s not funny, it’s absolutely not funny, but the way Yakumo phrased it—

“Yeouch, hey! Just saying it like it is!” Yakumo yelps as he hops backwards, comically flailing his arms in the process. He casts a quick, surreptitious glance around the edge of the rubble as he does, then signs a quick ‘all clear’ and steps closer again, back thumping against the rubble right next to Louis. “Seriously, though,” he murmurs, all joking gone from his tone, “if he’s just muddling along on instincts and copying us, then you’re not wrong about worrying. Hell, I probably just made things worse without even realizing it.” He huffs and shakes his head, then casts a sidelong look at Louis and adds, “But we also can’t shy away from it, or pretend to be anything we’re not. We just gotta… do our best, you know? Be us. Be honest. Be kind. Try to remember that he doesn’t remember.”

“I know,” Louis agrees with a sigh, rubbing away the moisture from the corners of his eyes. “I know, but I still worry,” he admits softly, painfully, thinking about all the ways he could just… spin a lie around Erich that the man would never think to question. He won’t, not knowingly at least, but the idea that he could sits sour-heavy-horrible in his stomach, like the rotgut Yakumo brought home one day and insisted they share.

Yakumo shifts a bit closer, pressing their sides together, and bluntly says, “You should. Just don’t second-guess yourself too much, huh? Can’t have our fearless leader hesitating on us.”

Louis snorts and gives Yakumo a dark look in response. “When did this become you giving me a talk?” he asks in exasperation, even as he leans into Yakumo, soaking up the offered reassurance and trying to settle his mind; they can’t afford Louis hesitating or having his focus drift at a critical moment, Yakumo’s right about that, but knowing that and avoiding that are two very different things.

(It’s going to take him a while to sort all this out in his head.)

(Hopefully this trip through the pit will be uneventful...)

“Probably when you started having a crisis,” Yakumo answers flippantly, then nudges Louis lightly and asks, “You good now?”

“Good as I can be,” Louis says as he pushes away from the rubble and brushes dust from his pants. Not that it matters, since they’re going to be walking through a mire soon enough—

(Can he skip this area?)

(He’d love to skip this area.)

(Ugh!)

—but it’s something for his hands to do while he finishes collecting himself and getting himself back into the right mindset.

Yakumo steps away and gestures grandly for Louis to go first. “Shall we head out, then?”

Louis rolls his eyes, takes one last moment to gather himself, then steps around the piece of rubble and says, “Okay, all set!”

Erich glances up from the mistle, his gaze curious, but he says nothing as he rises to his feet and steps back expectantly, clearly waiting for something—

Louis flashes the man a smile as he walks forward, hoping that none of his doubts are obvious, hoping that Erich didn’t overhear any of their conversation, hoping-hoping-hoping—

“Let’s be careful as we go,” he says instead of any of the twisting jumble of words — of apologies — that he wants to. “If we get split up in this mist, we might never find each other again.”

Erich nods sharply, casts a calculating gaze out over the watery pit, then slants a wry glance at Louis and says, “Yakumo can take point with me.”

Louis snorts, ignores Yakumo’s snickering by dint of long practice, and says, “Appreciated, even if I still have to slog along behind you.”

“You’ll live,” Yakumo declares as he steps forward, clapping a hand on Louis’ shoulder as he swaggers past with that frankly ridiculous blade of his slung over his shoulder once again. “Come on, let’s go see what lurks in the shallows, huh?”

“I would prefer a bit less lurking,” Erich grumbles as he follows Yakumo down the ramp, his bayonet in his hands and his gaze sweeping across the area around them.

Louis makes an amused noise as he follows them down into the water, then immediately wrinkles his nose at the feeling of water pouring into his boots and making his pants stick uncomfortably to his legs.

(He already hates this place.)

(If it wasn’t for what he could learn here—)

(But no, personal comfort means nothing in the face of a way to help other revenants stuck here in the Gaol of the Mists.)

(He just… wishes everything was a bit less wet.)