#code realize saint-germain

'Yeah……I feel like the clock sounds louder than usual today somehow.'

'The end of a whole year— we're about to face a significant turning point. It's to be expected.'

'......You're right.'

We sat before the warm fireplace.

We took turns looking back on the turbulent year that seemed somehow both very long and very short for the both of us—as well as memories of things that had happened since we had met.

'To me, who lived in that mansion in Wales as if I were a doll……time seems to have passed by in an instant since meeting you and the others.'

First, I spoke about the swiftness of time.

'Conversely— to me, living in eternity, where a mere year usually passed by in the blink of an eye……since meeting you, time has felt slower than ever before, each and every moment has become a precious memory.'

On the other hand, Saint-Germain spoke about the slowness of time.

When put into words like this, although the ways we had lived were the exact opposite, perhaps the way in which we experienced the concept of "time" was the same, in that it differed from that of a normal person.

'The two of us have "changed." Surely, that is something to be welcomed.'

'.....Yeah. For sure. It's why this is a special moment for us.'

We both chuckled together.

……And, as we did so, Sisi came to nuzzle up against us. It seemed that it was time for his supper.

'Ah, I'd better go prepare Sisi's dinner now.'

As I murmured those words and stood up, Saint-Germain looked as if he were thinking about something—

'It's New Years after all. Such an important day is to be celebrated, so let us try making dinner for ourselves as well.'

***

And so, we headed for the kitchen.

Saint-Germain had changed into some light clothing that was easy to move around in, and was wearing an apron. 

He had opened a recipe book that Impey had left for us, and was following its instructions.

'Hmm……oh dear— The vegetables ended up in an odd shape.'

He looked down near his hands, and laughed self-deprecatingly. On the chopping board lay unevenly cut pieces of carrot. It seemed as if the usually skilful Saint-Germain had somehow botched the vegetable cutting.

'They'll break down when we put them into the stew so don't worry. But……heheh. It's rare to see you fail at something, Saint-Germain.'

'Haha. I am quite ashamed of myself.'

Regardless of his current embarrassed state, Saint-Germain continued to speak.

'Having tried to do it myself……I realise now just how much Impey exercised his ingenuity in making delicious food each day for us……back when we all lived together.'

Hearing what he said, I gave a small nod of agreement.

There had been a fair few of us in Lupin's gang.

Even just to cook our normal everyday meals, it must have been quite a bit of work.

'Yeah. But even then Impey always looked like he was having fun. He's to be commended.'

'Dear me, even if I was the one that brought it up, I shall be jealous hearing you praise Impey like that, you know?'

'Heheheh. You're pretty refreshing today, Saint-Germain. Messing up cutting the vegetables and getting all jealous.'

'Ah……it has to be because you and I have "changed" after all.'

They were gentle words, said as if reflecting on something.

In the time that had stopped.

In the time that disappeared.

I likely wouldn't be able to pinpoint exactly when the little changes in my beloved had occurred.

And surely……I would not be the only one to be unreasonably happy about that fact.

***

We successfully finished cooking dinner.

Sisi had quickly eaten all his dinner much faster than us, and apparently satisfied, had instantly fallen asleep, slightly snoring as he did so.

'This is delicious……you had the right idea, Saint-Germain. Adding sugar to the sauce gave it a smoother taste.'

'I am glad it is to your liking—although actually, it was something I learned from Impey a long time ago.'

'A long time ago……by that, you mean back when you first spoke to Lupin and Impey and invited them to stay in the mansion……?'

If I recalled correctly, it had all began when Lupin and Impey had been at a pub talking together about their work and plans. Saint-Germain had called out to them and offered his assistance, saying it seemed like fun.

'Yes, it was around that time. Heheheh, how nostalgic. Back then……even though I had been the one to offer my assistance, they also ended up helping me out quite a lot.'

'Helped you out?'

This was also a sentence I hadn't expected to hear. Saint-Germain looked toward the kitchen, and continued to speak.

'Yes. Because as you know…… I don't employ servants to help maintain this mansion.'

Although he had done enough to keep the place clean for appearance's sake, it had still been rather difficult for one person considering the mansion's size.

'In particular, when Impey saw the kitchen was completely unused, he practically screamed. "What on earth is this! What a waste!"'

'Ahaha. I can easily imagine.'

Lupin being Lupin, he took the initiative in helping out with cleaning here and there, saying that it was as thanks for Saint-Germain's assistance.

They were only two more people.

And yet, two more people there were.

'.......After Lupin and Impey came here to stay, I feel as if the time I used to spend meaninglessly changed just a little. And then—'

Saint-Germain quietly, but with a gaze full of love, looked at me.

'—Miss Cardia. Then, I met you.'

'............Yeah.'

I put down the utensils I had been using to eat dinner, and listened carefully to his next words.

'The person I was back then could never have imagined— that our relationship could become one in which we would spend time together like this. No, strictly speaking……I had probably completely erased from my mind the idea that I was an existence that could obtain that sort of possibility.

I……was an immortal monster.

Living time in perpetuity, a lonely traveller unable to stand at the side of another.'

As Saint-Germain looked around the dining hall where Lupin's gang used to eat their meals, as if chasing after their shadows, he murmured in a voice that was full of some kind of emotion— 

'The reason you and others gathered here in this mansion was not a coincidence, but something I planned, it was an inevitability that we would be drawn together.'

'......Saint-Germain, that's……'

Though I tried to interject, Saint-Germain shook his head and cut me off.

'But it was fun. Truly…….to the point that I forgot the position I was supposed to be in. Miss Cardia, I will say it again and again. Meeting you "changed" my world.'

A few moments of silence.

The few emotions within his words.

As if answering them, I continued to speak.

'It's the same for me. I knew I was a monster, but even then, I couldn't help but feel the time that I spent with you and everyone else was……fun. I wanted it to continue on forever.'

In the indigo blue of his opened eyes, there was an overflowing joy—

The truth of Saint-Germain's feelings towards his friends was clearly conveyed.

'Just having all of us together, every single day was a huge uproar. Those days were so fulfilling…...it was a little too difficult to keep my distance.'

'Hehe……it's as you say, Saint-Germain. It was impossible to stay quiet in a group like that one.'

Impey's explosive inventions.

Van Helsing's tough love.

Victor's frantic persuasiveness and at times unusual medicines.

Lupin and Leonhart's two person cat-and-mouse performance.

'Delly and Sisi. And so many others, as well. ……Rather, it would have been stranger to have been able to stay indifferent.'

Each and every one of the memories that spilled out made us smile.

'Ah, the airship race….. The Black Gathering was particularly memorable. Although, of course it was a good memory because everyone worked together in order to win—’

‘But, I think the most memorable thing about it was “that”.’

‘Yes, without a doubt.’

And then we spoke at the same time.

‘—The Helsing Cannon.’

‘……….’

‘Fu-.....’

‘Fufufu-’

Unable to hold back at the words the two of us had spoken simultaneously, we burst into spontaneous laughter.

‘....Well, it cannot be helped. He really was just so intense.’

‘Yeah. Although I think Van might get mad if he heard you say that.'

* * * 

After finishing supper, we continued to endlessly reminisce—.

At last, just a few moments before the time came for the date to change.

We were once again in the common room, spending our time quietly.

The needle of the clock moved forward.

A new year was about to begin.

‘Ah…..it’ll be time soon.’

Saint-Germain picked up the two glasses that were beside him. One he moved toward himself, and the other he handed to me.

And, after opening the wine bottle that had been prepared on the table— he held it out towards me.

‘This is a wine I prepared for you. A toast to celebrate the beginning of a new time. If you would.’

‘.....Yes, gladly.’

A beautiful wine colour was poured out into the glass.

‘If I hadn't met you, I would surely….have become a mere empty existence, one that only looked like a human.’

Quietly spoken words.

And then lastly, Saint-Germain lightly swirled the wine in his glass.

‘For meeting me, being by my side, loving me…..Thank you, Miss Cardia.’

—And then, finally.

In the time that we will spend together in the future, that it was a miracle that we met….I promise here and now, I won’t forget that even for a moment.’

Those were the last words he spoke this year.

With a clunk.

The clock hand conveyed the arrival of the new year, and the grandfather clock rang out as if to inform us of it. Surely all of London was feeling that joy.

‘I won’t forget either. This year, or the next….and even beyond that.’

As he held out his glass to toast.

‘So long as I live, I shall be by your side. Let us continue to walk together at the same speed.’

With slightly reddened cheeks and looking extremely happy— Saint-Germain smiled.

'.....Though, I wonder if letting down one's guard too much will be a problem.'

Smiling wryly, I put the teacup to my lips to take another sip.

—Truth be told.

Though of course there had been some changes, in matters involving Miss Cardia, there had not been many new developments currently.

On the subject of her father, and also on the problem of the poison within her body.

Regarding her poison, though poison-resistant clothing and everyday items had been prepared so that she would not experience any inconvenience, they were but a stop gap measure at best.

As I had thought, in order to grant her wish to touch other people and things, a more fundamental solution was required after all.

…..However, whether such a method existed was the issue.

'For myself as well, I would be quite pleased if there was.'

Though considering my current situation, whether I was really in a position to think such a thing was another matter entirely—.

'Saint-Germain, Sisi's headed your way.'

'.........Oh?'

'Bark, woof woof!'

Realising she had been calling me, I lifted my head and there he was. Sisi had jumped up onto my lap.

'My my, you're full of energy today, Sisi.'

They say that an animal's intuition is sharper than that of a human's, so perhaps he had picked up on my gloomy thoughts.

While I patted him as he pushed his nose towards my face, he barked as if enjoying the attention.

'Sorry, Saint-Germain. Sisi suddenly ran off.'

'Not at all, if he wishes to play, then I welcome it. After all, when he first arrived at the mansion, he never really tried to approach any of us before…..'

He really had changed.

After I placed Sisi back down on the ground, I poured some tea and held it out to the girl who had sat down.

'Thank you, Saint-Germain…..it's delicious, as always.'

'I am honoured, my lady.'

As I returned her thanks, I quietly surveyed her.

Perhaps because she had been running about with Sisi, her cheeks were flushed, tinged with a healthy looking red.

Without a doubt, if I were to touch them directly, they would certainly be soft to the touch.

Though of course, it was unlikely she would allow such an action—.

'....I was a bit jealous of you just now.'

'Just now….?'

'Having Sisi lick your cheek like that.'

'That is…..in other words, you wish you could touch him directly?'

'.....Yes. Although I know that it's impossible.'

The two of us looked down at Sisi who had started to fall asleep curled up at our feet.

—I want to touch you, I want to feel your warmth.

As wishes went, it was but a modest one, however until now it was likely one that felt too far out of reach.

That's why she had lived her life so that she would not think about or desire it, repressing her true feelings all the while.

—But, now.

'.....Hehe…..'

'.....Was that something to be laughed about just now?'

'Pardon me. I am just simply happy that you've become able to voice such a wish.'

The girl who did not possess anything other than a body of poison, now had wishes all of her own. That was a wonderful thing.

…..But, given the current reality, it was still a difficult situation.

The modest wish that she held, likely for the first time in her life.

If she were to meet her end with not even that simple wish being granted…..

That would truly be sad.

'If—'

That had to have been why.

I ended up saying what I did next.

'If you were actually able to touch someone right now, what would you do?'

'Right now….?'

Her large eyes looked at me intently.

She was trying to grasp exactly what I meant by those words.

'That is…..you're not talking about in the future, when I'm able to touch someone?'

'Correct. I'm talking about right here, and now.'

Narrowing my eyes, I responded with a smile.

A smile that was a mask, with my feelings and true intentions suppressed beneath.

'For example, say that right now there was someone very, very strong….. Even if you were to touch them, they would be able to bear it and not die.'

'..........'

'If there was such a person, what would you do?'

She did not answer immediately.

From her point of view, what I said must have been very out of the blue.

That was only to be expected. Even I didn't quite understand the reason I had brought the topic up myself.

'.....I…..'

…..Perhaps I had crossed the line with this question after all.

Regretting that I had said anything at all, as I was about to open my mouth to take it back, she continued her sentence.

' —Of course I would like to know the warmth of another person. But I wouldn't want to hurt anyone to do so. I….. would rather stay poisonous than do that.'

' ———'

Hers was an answer so decisive, that I caught my breath.

It couldn't quite be said that this was not a show of courage.

But more than that, she clearly possessed a strong will.

…..The emotion that briefly flared in my heart just now, was surely a feeling of guilt for having tried to test her like this.

Or maybe it was—.

'I apologise, my joke went a little too far.'

What I said in the end were only evasive words, that didn't match the seriousness of her answer.

'—Now then, let's end our talk here. We should continue with our teatime. I actually have some special tea leaves and snacks that I've been saving.'

Telling her that I would go and prepare them now so she should wait there, I left my seat and headed in toward the mansion—.

' —If it would hurt another, she would rather stay poisonous….. is that so?'

She really was kind.

So much so that it was a mystery that she was called a monster.

That's why I thought all the more.

That it would really be too pitiful if this kind girl died without ever knowing the warmth of another.

'That's right. That is why, when it is time for you to meet your end—'

I would take your hand.

Even if I were to become hideously burnt, and it caused me pain.