#coco lore

Threshold strip (metal strip dividing the carpet between rooms) (roughhousing)

Concrete airport floor (fell off an airport chair)

Swing door in a high school science department (slammed in face while running)

FIFA souvenir football (AKA very heavy soccer ball) (kicked at my face)

Gym bag containing hockey shoes (swung at my face)

Human fist (punched)

Telegraph pole (walked into it)

Lamppost (tripped in a pothole while stoned and wearing 3-inch heels)

I've broken my nose seven times since I was six years old

I never learned how to peel an orange

I once used a lecturer's pointer stick to beat the shit out of a military cadet

One time I knocked over my chemistry teacher with a six foot beach ball

I've accidentally set fire to my own eyebrows twice

I once drunkenly tried to fight an animatronic T-rex at a museum

I tried to swat a moth with a croquet mallet and put a hole in my bedroom wall

I eat kiwi fruit the way you'd eat a pear or an apple. skin and all

I won a 'Funniest Injury' award in college for slamming my elbow in a wardrobe

I've accidentally flashed my underwear to a busy street in London's West End

I have tinnitus from standing too close to the speakers at a MARINA concert

I once had to be held back from throwing a 2kg ham joint at a pensioner