#coco chats

So cue Karasu being in the midst of peak soccer season with travel matches and nonstop practice days and press releases and yada yada yada, being busy for about 3 weeks and unable to hangout beyond late night phone calls. Until he finally gets a surprise weekend off. I say “surprise” because I did not anticipate on seeing him this weekend and had just taken a set of braids out when he texts

Tabibi: clear ur schedule. I’m coming over xx

Me: hahahaha no. You Are Not. It’s wash day *eye twitch emoji*

Tabibi: hmmmmmm see I haven’t been able to kiss my gf in nearly a month soooo I’ll see you in 20 minutes xx

There’s a brief phone call conversation of me continuing to try and dissuade him with me saying “Do Not Come Over. There’s small rodent sized lumps of shed hair littered around my couch right now. It’s a war zone and I’m losing.”

Barely a pause and a hum as he replies “Sounds intense. And like you need backup. So, d’ya want the chicken or lamb for your gyros and fries I’m bringing ya?”

“… …lamb”

“Cool. See you in 15 minutes now, ‘bibi.”

Cue me sighing and screeching in my apartment while trying to clean up the hair I’ve been detangling for the past 40 minutes already and finding the biggest hoodie with drawstrings still attached that I own so I can put the hood on and stuff my currently wild hair within. Like I said before, I have very icky, self-loathing feeling towards my hair on detangling & wash days in particular -_-

So Karasu pops up at my door with food and my favorite snacks (he happened to ‘forget’ to mention he was bringing while on the phone) and I’m glaring at him with the hood pulled over my head. I snatch the food from his arms and give him a quick kiss before scurrying further inside and going “There. Girlfriend kiss delivered. Buh-bye now!” I do not make it far after setting stuff down on the table before I’m getting pulled into a hug from behind.

“Nahhh not good enough. C’mere.”

Karasu is determined to get a “proper” kiss this time even though I’m grumbling about my face being dirty at the moment and scrunching my face up. When he pulls back, he comments about the hood situation, “Didn’t know the battle on wash days were so intense you’re goin for a 2013 Vine revival look there. Just missing the aviators.” He smirks and is trying to lighten the mood because I’m clearly anxious upset about the situation.

I just roll my eyes and turn back to the table of food. “I’m going to eat before dealing with this (gestures to hair on my head) again and being forced to deal with you (flips off Karasu’s general direction).”

So we share a meal together, catch up with one another in person, and Karasu’s smart enough to not bring up my hair as a topic of discussion. He is someone who is very touchy feely and physically affectionate when it’s just the two of us tho, so it’s clear to me he’s getting antsy with the way his feet keep kicking into my own under the table while we chat. When we’re done eating, I make a comment about him chilling on the couch while I deal with my demons (my hair). I attempt to make a beeline for my bathroom and lock him out but I am, in fact, dating a pro-soccer player who is much faster than me and is standing in my bathroom doorway before I can even try to shut it in his face.

Karasu’s brow quirks up at me as he stands in the doorway. “Dining n Dashing on me so soon, handsome?”

Me, floundering and panicking now “We could do the incredibly cool and sexy thing of ‘existing in the same space, but there’s a door closed in between so you can’t see me right now.’ Doesn’t that sound fun?”

The sound of teeth clicking together in disapproval before he speaks again and takes a step closer to me. “Hmmm yeah, except. Remember the whole ‘I haven’t been able to physically hold my partner for three whole weeks’ bit?? Not being able to see you sounds incredibly lame and un-sexy to me right now. Just sayin.”

When I get frustrated I just kind of like. Do this ‘silent fuming’ look and make my right eye visibly twitch. Which is what I do right now as Karasu gets closer to me. He puts both hands up as a bit of a peace offering. “I won’t touch your hair if you don’t want me to. But can I at least sit with you on the couch while you finish your pre-wash routine? I know you’re not done yet, based on the current apparel.” Finishes his request with a pouty lip that I am a sucker for every time.

I let out an exasperated exhale while attempting to explain my hesitation. “My hair in this state makes me feel overexposed.”

“I’ve see you naked before. Multiple times.”

“Yeah but—this is. Different. My hair has been in braids for 8 weeks. It’s super gross and feels gross and. And—Why are you stripping right now?”

Karasu just whipped off his t-shirt and moves around me in the bathroom to turn on the shower without further explanation. Then he’s dunking his head under the shower head for a minute before turning to face me. He brings one of my hands up to his hair. The consistency of the wax in his hair has turned into a thick, sticky mess that doesn’t feel like the most pleasant thing. Somehow there’s even less slip than when his hair is dry and waxed in his signature style. There’s no hiding the wince my face pulls at the texture and Karasu nods.

“This (points at his wet and still waxy hair) is gross. And I willingly deal with it every day. A men’s locker room after a day of pro-soccer practice—gross times ten thousand. And that’s a career/situation I choose to deal with regularly. You” he pokes the pout in my cheek at that moment “and your hair are not gross. Not to me.”

The look in Karasu’s eyes are so sincere while he’s got water dripping down his face and my insecurity about my hair has my lip quivering in that moment and I need to turn away from him before this soccer freak makes me cry.

“It’s just” I let out a shaky breath while turned away from him because, goddammit, I really might just cry right now, “when I deal with my hair, especially detangling, I feel like. The lowest and worst possible version of myself. And dirty. And inconvenient. And the opposite of easy.” I feel a hand move to my shoulder, and it’s Karasu’s way of gently trying to soothe me because yeah there’s definitely tears streaming down my face at this point which is a very rare sight to see.

“And I’m scared. That if I take this hood off and have you witness that part of me, you’ll internally think the same things about me. Or worse, say it out loud like ‘Yeah that sure doesn’t look easy.’ or something stupid like that.”

There is a very, very light tug on my shoulder to hint that I should turn and face him, if I feel comfortable enough to. There’s a pause before I keep my eyes shut while crying and turning back towards Karasu. I feel a hand cupping my cheek, his fingers still on the outside of the hood around my head and just a thumb pressed on my face. Still mindful, ever observant Tabito Karasu who knows when not to push past my boundaries.

“Kail.”

I open my eyes to him looking at me with a very gentle and sad expression. Yeah, he definitely knows I’m bothered by more than just ‘difficult hair-care days.’ Fuck.

He brings his forehead down to rest against my own. I can’t stop the shiver that happens when I feel the cold dampness of his hair and let out a bit of a laugh and Karasu joins in because it is kinda silly—him being shirtless and half-wet in my bathroom to prove a point. Then he speaks again.

“You know I’m in love with you, right? I love you.” He’s wiping the tears from my face while still looking at me. Kisses my forehead. “No part of you is inconvenient to me.” A peck to my nose. “If you really don’t want me to see, okay. I’ll leave and come back later. But if something doesn’t feel easy to you, don’t you think letting someone who is willing to lend a hand might make it easier? I wanna help you when things feel difficult. That’s what I’m here for, Habibi.”

Cue me crying like the biggest baby ever while nodding my head in agreement. My hands are shakey when I untie the strings on the hoodie and take off the hood. Karasu’s expression is still soft and he kisses me on the cheek before murmuring “Thank you for trusting me with this part of you. How can I help?”

And we move to the couch and he helps me finish the initial detangling and applying a hair mask treatment before I actually wash my hair. My nerves are still very high strung so I’m making self-deprecating jokes about my hair being in a ‘burnt ramen noodle state’ after I’ve taken out braids but Tabito just lightly pinches my sides and is like “Nope. No bullying my woman’s hair. Not in front of me.” And we have ATLA on the TV since it’s one of my comfort shows.

Then we hop in the shower and we end up teaching each other how to wash one another’s hair and it’s a very sweet moment of non-sexual intimacy that makes me feel all bubbly inside.

Once we’re done in the shower, I am feeling the post-cry and high-stress exhaustion and just wanna pass tf out but Karasu knows I need to style my hair before crashing. So I explain the “four sections logic” and how my hair is so thick it ends up being 6-8 sections to properly get the product on all of my hair. He’s applying the oil and leave-in while I’m combing my hair out one final time before twisting a section before I wrap it up for sleeping purposes and his comment just kind of tumbles out “Your curls are so beautiful.”

And his hands pause and I pause as he realizes he said that thought out loud. I just kind of fluster in my seat because I’m terrible at receiving compliments in general and go “Uhh thanks I guess.”

Which has Karasu doubling down and locking eyes with me in the mirror and glaring a bit. “If you weren’t already tired, I’d have you pressed up against this counter with your face close to the mirror while I fucked you till you realized how gorgeous you are to me right now.” Then he goes back to massaging oil in my scalp as if he didn’t just say all that.

We get through styling my hair and suddenly I’m not as tired as I thought because I am in fact letting that mirror-sex scenario play out. And then I’m riding him in my bedroom forwards and backwards bc yeah, it’s been three weeks since I’ve gotten dicked down and I missed my crow guy. Then the post-sex cuddles happen and I’m nodding off in his arms while mumuring “Thank you. For your help today, ‘bibi.”

And Karasu just hums and kisses the back of my neck while hugging me close. “Always. Also, add me to a normal part of your wash day routine. Wanna help you feel less stressed about it.”

~~~~