#coc 18

Here's my attempt at writing for the Carry On Countdown and the prompt "Ways to say I love you". It's my first Carry On fanfic so I hope you like it!

SIMON

I like keeping lists. Like the one I used to have when I was getting ready to go back to Watford. Like the one with all the things I liked about Baz, which I made specifically in order to ignore it.

Baz and I have been together for a year now, so I'm making a new list. I'm trying to figure out how best to say that I love him. I do. (Love him, that is). And I've never been good with words. My therapist says that's all perfectly normal. (That's me. Normal. Apart from the wings and the tail. They're still there. But anyway. Words.) I just don't know. Baz always makes things sound right. I just mess up all the time. He says he doesn't mind. My list of what I like about Baz is so long now, I've actually stopped adding things to it. I don't really need the list now that I have Baz. So my new list needs to help me get my words straight.

1) I love you. It's simple, gets the job done and is probably a classic for a reason. But it also doesn't come near to what I'm actually feeling. There should be more to it than that.

2) You are my world. I've never been poetic, that's Baz's thing. And although he is my world I don't think I could tell him. Technically I've already told him this - at the Leaver's Ball when I said I had nothing but him left. Still, not quite what I'm going for.

3) I adore you. Too sappy. I mean, I like it when we're being soft, but I still feel like this is not me.

4) I want you. I do. But he knows that by now.

5) Te amo. Apparently, this means ‘I love you’ in Spanish. Penny taught me that. She was practicing her Spanish for when she sees Micah again and I thought I could beat Baz at his own linguistics game. Knowing him, he probably already knows Spanish, will reply to me in Spanish and reveal me for the fraud I am, and I will only have messed up. Again.

6) Something Shakespeare related. I know Baz used to think we were doomed, Romeo and Juliet style. I don't think it's a nice comparison. Considering the fact that we've finally gotten to the point where we're actually both alive (no matter what Baz thinks being a vampire is, he is definitely alive), I'd very much like to keep it that way. We’re not a tragedy, at least I don’t think so. We’re more than that. We always were. He’s not exactly comparable to a summer’s day though.

7) I hereby declare my love and affection for you. Too formal.

8) I'm under your spell. Found this on a list of things to say to your significant other. Given the fact that love spells are heavily regulated and sort of illegal, I don't think it's suitable.

BAZ

Simon has been staring blankly into the distance for a good while now. He has these moments where I just can't seem to get through to him. Apparently it's all normal and to be expected, what with the trauma.

Normal. He's so normal. But also extraordinary. I wish he could see that in himself, the way I do.

I sit next to him. We've been together a year now. We're going out tonight - a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. He doesn't really care about these things but I thought we should do things properly.

I still call him Snow, but more and more I've switched to calling him Simon, because I know he likes that. I could come up with a million ways to say that I love him, in four different languages, but it doesn't matter. I've said it before. He hasn't, though. I try not to let it get to me, but it does. It reminds me of when I never thought we would ever have something like this. When I ridiculed myself for ever dreaming that Simon would call me ‘darling.’

SIMON

Baz is sitting next to me now. He's dressed for dinner and clearly waiting for me to snap out of my thoughts. I still haven't decided on how to say those words to him. If only I knew what he would prefer me to say. I would say all the stupid, silly or pretentious words in the world if I knew they were the right ones for him. I would do anything for him.

He takes my hand, brushes my knuckles with his thumb. "Simon, love? Are you ready?" he says. I'm still a terrible boyfriend, especially when I don't know what to say to him, how to tell him what he means to me.

"Yes, darling" I say. It just kinda comes out of me. It's not something I would normally say - it's not really my style - but he’s called me ‘love’ and I like when he's being soft with me. So I'm soft in return. I turn to look at him, and he has this expression I haven't really seen before. Smiling and... maybe his eyes are glistening a bit?

BAZ

Simon Snow called me ‘darling.’ Crowley I'm living a charmed life.

SIMON

Clearly I said something right. Baz kisses me deeply, and I run my free hand through his hair. Maybe it wasn't so hard in the end. To say I love you. In so many words. Maybe he already knew. I draw away from the kiss and him, resting my forehead against his.

"I love you", I say, just to make sure he knows.

He smiles again, squeezes my hand and drags me up so were both standing. "Come on Snow, don't get soft on me".

"You called me Simon before.”

"And you called me darling."

"Yeah."

"Come on."

And we leave the flat hand in hand.

Notes:

Day 4; fluff

Carry on countdown day 2; nostalgia

“At Watford , magic it’s just the air we breathe . It’s not what separates us from each other ; it’s what keeps us together.”