At the moment there is a lot of commotion in my life. Or maybe I should say: in me. And it reflects in my life, I guess. I don’t sleep very well, wake up a lot, keep tossing and turning. Remarks from friends, who mean well, can unexpectedly hurt me. I get annoyed by things that don’t work out as quickly or smoothly as I want. 

What is wrong with me?! Does it have to do with all the different energies and vibrations that seem to be flying around these days? I hope so, because it really wears me out. Coincidentally I am in the middle of a very busy period at the moment, and that doesn’t help either.

So what should I do? I know: meditate, do more Tai Chi, relax, spend more quality time with my horse. If anyone can ground me, it’s her! So, I don’t! There is this inner obstacle that makes me do all sorts of things, except for the things I should do. It’s a self destructive thing. Or maybe I should channel my negative energy into something positive or useful, like cleaning my house or proper cooking. Guess what!

In short I feel like complaining but not like finding a solution! And sometimes that is ok. I don’t always have to be “good”, positive, rational, well-adjusted, friendly, kind, considerate etc. Sometimes I need to be angry, upset, emotional! But I have to admit, when I have such an outburst of emotions, I shock myself. I don’t want to lose my self control in public. I don’t want to show my deepest emotions to the rest of the world. But recently, sometimes it feels as if some volcano of anger, sadness, resentment suddenly erupts! I have to admit though that afterwards I feel relieved! The pressure is gone and I feel open on the inside. 

That makes me think: where does this pressure come from? Hmmm, I have to think about that.