This last month has really kicked my ass. This week was a continuation of a shitty month. Tuesday started out with a concert that I was supposed to go to with you and it killed me that you werenβt there to experience it with me. I completely understand your need to separate yourself from the music we both love and experiences that we share together, but it just felt like the last bit of a closing chapter and it broke my heart. I love you so much and I will always love you and have the biggest place in my heart for you, but you not coming to the concert with me felt like you telling me that you donβt need me in your life anymore especially not in any romantic way or as a friend.
We continue this really shitty week with a moment that Iβve been looking forward to for the past month. When you ended things between us, my heart sank because I really felt like you were different and something special and exactly what I needed at this time. I knew all month that I would get to see you this past Friday. Getting all dressed up just on the off chance that I would see you for two minutes was worth it. Texting you during the performance and knowing you were in California and werenβt even there made me really sad that I felt like I wouldnβt get the chance to ask you why you didnβt want to continue to see where things went between us. What was it that made you want to run the opposite way and I really wonder if our paths will ever cross again. Maybe it was just meant to be fleeting passionate romance and nothing more, but I really do care about you as a human being and will continue that.
This whole month has felt like a flurry of ups and downs. Really diving in and learning what dating is like in 2018, honestly, is a fucking nightmare. These apps are so superficial and you can have a great conversation with someone and just not be interested in them. Commonly I think itβs because my heart is still all tied up and Iβm not available, but I so desperately want to be able to connect with people on a romantic level. I donβt know why it doesnβt happen for me.