Note to self; stop trying to use a wooden spoon to reach cans on the top shelf because the can will always win.
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seen from Russia

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Note to self; stop trying to use a wooden spoon to reach cans on the top shelf because the can will always win.

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I'm pretty sure that the only thing worse than being dragged out by friends is being dragged out only to be kicked out from a bar because the bartender realized your ID is a fake.
‘’Stop blowing up my phone with texts and calls,’’ Harrison said with a serious tone as he hung up. He carelessly looked what time it was before sliding it in the inner pocket of his jacket. What was I thinking ?
So a group of drunk guys came into the tattoo shop I work at and wanted to all get matching tattoos of a penis and when I told them I couldn’t tattoo them while they’re drunk, they started yelling about how I am ‘taking away their rights’ and two puked on the floor. It took all my will power not to kill them.
The fact that I can’t see you without my glasses doesn’t mean I cannot hear you laugh…

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Finally, after a 10 hour shift, I am going home. I’m done dealing with stupid drunks who don’t tip and people who tell me all of their problems. I’m not a shrink, I’m just a girl in a bar.
“No, but seriously, this drunk guy came up to me earlier, said ‘are they real?’ and then proceeded to put both hands on my boobs. Like, full on groping them. It was unreal, but, I mean, I can’t make this stuff up.”
"--Crap, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."