Clyde Common - ...Chewy...
We each had the Clyde Common Rodeo Burger during Happy Hour (bacon, American cheese, fried shallots, Marshall's habañero BBQ, pickles, $8). We also got a side of fries ($4). Karen had a glass of the House White wine ($6) because she’s not picky about her wine, only her burgers.
[Garbled voices]
T: Whoops, my phone wasn’t working. I fucked up the recording. I think we were talking about melty cheese?
K: A lot of melty cheese.
T: You know I’m a fan.
K: There’s a sweet flavor to this burger. I think it’s the ketchup, one of those organic ketchups that has cinnamon and crap. It’s kind of distracting.
T: I like ketchup on burgers, but I also don’t want it to be too distracting. That’s why Heinz is perfect.
K: Heinz can never be beat.
[Silence]
T: This bun is really… dense. Soft, but dense. I’m not really sure what kind of bread this is.
K: The meat doesn’t have a ton of flavor.
T: Yeah, my burger is definitely well done.
K: Same.
T: This kind of reminds me of a super fancy Big Mac.
K: Yeah. It mostly tastes like bread and cheese.
T: Lots of cheese….Oh, I just some bacon. Nice, thick bacon.
K: Haven’t gotten to the bacon yet. But I love the pickles.
[Silence]
K: Can you taste the fried onions?
T: I got a couple. They were really crunchy.
K: I haven’t noticed them yet.
T: I don’t notice the flavor, only the texture. I mostly taste cheese.
K: No complaint there.
T The bread reminds me of baked bao. That thick and doughy consistency.
K: I was thinking it was like a soft pretzel, but stickier.
T: Mmm, a burger on a soft pretzel? I’d eat that.
K: I finally got to the bacon. It’s really smokey.
T: I think I saw there was something jalapeno-y on here. But it’s not that spicy.
K: Habañero barbeque sauce.
K: I feel like this burger is too messy for a fancy place like this.
T: That’s why it’s on the happy hour menu. Everyone’s de-stressing from the day. You’re allowed to be messy.
K: Yeah, people at happy hour are animals, more beast than man.
[Silence]
K: Wow, this bread is super chewy. It’s hard to swallow.
T: You really gotta chew to get this burger down.
K: That explains our lack of talking.
T: I am chewing A LOT. Now that I’ve made it to the middle, I’m starting to get the spice and sweetness from the barbecue sauce. I really like it, but it’s only at the center. All the edges were dry.
K: Yeah, I never got every flavor in one bite.
T: You have to eat around the burger then into the center where it’s better.
[Silence,chewing]
T: Man, that bite took awhile to get through. Really bready.
K: Between the bread and cheese there’s a lot of… stickiness.
T: Kinda gummy.
K: Thank god for the crispy onions.
T: Yeah, when you actually get a bite of them they’re great.
[TJ finishes his burger]
T: Karen, you’ve got a lot of chewing left.
K: Working on it. Is this the same burger they had last time you came here?
T: I can’t remember the last time I managed to catch happy hour here. The burger used to be really plain. You had to add bacon and cheese separate, but every basic component was the best possible component. Like the Grain & Gristle burger.
K: Mmm, Grain & Gristle burger…
T: I used to work really close to here. It used to be the best $5 burger you could get downtown and you used to be able to ask how you wanted it done. I think it’s trying to be a super fancy Americana/fast food/woodsy type thing.
K: It’s trying to be a lot. It’s trying to be highbrow and lowbrow at the same time. Not sure it's completely succeeding at either. The cheese and patty are lowbrow, everything else is highbrow, including the price. It’s old and new Portland mashed together.
T: Question: When someone says, “Let’s get a burger,” do you automatically assume that means a cheeseburger?
K: Yeah...(thinking)...yeah, of course. Burger automatically means cheeseburger to me.
T: Exactly. If there’s a burger, I want cheese on it. Always. Even if cheese is extra, because that’s how you eat a burger.
K: Cheese is always implied.
T: When someone says, “Let’s get a burger,” and chooses not to get cheese, and they’re not lactose intolerant, I feel like they don’t understand what a burger is.
K: Yeah, but you’d never say, “Let’s get cheeseburgers.” Right?
T: No. Even Popeye’s friend says “hamburgers.”
K: Why does that distinction even exist?
T: Yeah. I’m pretty sure cheese was invented before hamburgers. It’s not like cheese wasn’t always an option. Hamburger should imply that there’s cheese included.
K: Follow up question: Why is the term “hamburger”? Did burgers used to be made of pork?!
T: We’re going to need to do some serious burger research...but not right now.
K: I finished! This is the first burger I’ve finished in a long ass time.
T: Well, it was appropriately sized for you. It’s a dainty burger “for her.” Not that women can’t eat just as big a hamburger as a man can, but you know, sexist marketing and all.
K: Thanks for clarifying. In my case, this was the perfect small burger for me and I just happen to be a lady. Maybe some man would also just want a dainty-sized burger.
T: Totally. But not me. Ever.
Sides
T: The fries are the same, which is good. Slim, greasy but crisp. Perfectly salted.
Ambiance
T: Clyde Common is nice. Hip. Very Hip. In that tavern-y way. Too hip sometimes. I recommend getting a seat by the windows. Then you can watch all the guests coming out of the Ace Hotel. They all look like they’re from LA and New York. It’s fascinating to watch.
Taste
K: $8 is a lot for a happy hour burger. I wasn’t super impressed with the flavors, plus all that chewing. I’ll give this burger a 5.
T: This definitely isn’t the burger I loved when I first came to Portland. I’d give it a 5 as well.
*Bonus Info: The term “hamburger” originated in Hamburg, Germany. So the “ham” prefix has nothing to do with pork, thank goodness.
Clyde Common 1014 SW Stark St Portland, OR 97205
