#clpolk

“You were at Bywell on the first of Frostmonth. The day the lights went out all over Aeland. The day the Great Haunting started. The day when our soldiers were cured of a madness that tormented them. The day the Amaranthines came to Bywell. I know you know what happened that day. You were a witness. Or maybe you were a participant.” - from the ARC of Stormsong

Writing Behind the Scenes is a weekly Q&A feature about writing. Submit your writing questions as an ask to get your own question answered.

QUESTION:  How do you manage to describe stuff so well and so to the point?

Tellthenight: I am a to-the-point writer by nature, so I often struggle to use *enough* description. My first drafts are essentially dialogue and blocking. If there is description in that first draft it’s usually a lot of adverbs and generic words. I sometimes put in [DESCRIBE THIS] when I know I need description in a particular place but don’t have the brain space to think it through.

On my second draft I aim at getting rid of all the brackets and then trying to find better words for my first attempts at description. I use thesaurus.com, I use word lists, the thesauruses by Angela Ackerman are invaluable to me. I also try reading the fic out loud to feel the pacing of the sentences so I can place description accordingly. (ALSO: beta readers are good people to ask.)

Clpolk: I actually think about the scene location in some detail before I write the scene. I often make notes about a particular location, including full sensory details, and also what a particular character would notice in that location that others might miss, and why/how it might be important to the character's state of mind, or mood, or internal conflict.

But when it comes to writing it, I don't spend an entire paragraph on the weave of the curtains. I tailor the description to the point of view of whichever character i'm in, and use only the details they actively engage with - do they shiver in the draft from a warped window, smell the mildew and the leavings of mice in an abandoned warehouse, wipe a smudge of dust off their shoulder? Do they collapse in the middle of a cushioned suede couch - and then roll their eyes because the TV remote is on the dining table behind them? These are the details that ground character and setting at the same time, and they're more useful than an introductory description of a space.

Tryslora: I used to struggle with writing dialogue-dominated white room fics with little to no description. The way I've turned it around is to write as if I'm roleplaying the character, which both lets me try to experience the way they experience the scene, and narrow it down to their POV so I don't include too much. I used to do little exercises, like… when I was in college, and walking across campus, I'd pretend I was my character, try to see the world like they do. Catalog what's there, like are they the sort of person that's going to notice the flowers? Will the giant lilies seem really tall (like they do to me, I'm 5' short) or are they normal? Do they make them sneeze? Is the sun warm, or the breeze cool? How do they feel about the crowds walking by them? Okay, actually, I do still do this… it's incredibly helpful.

Like clpolk said, though, it's really important to use the details important to the character. One example I remember really working hard on was a kidnap scene. Mom gets in the car on one side, a van opens a door on the other side of her car and grabs her daughter. There's a LOT going on that Mom is processing. An adrenalin rush, so she's shaking, her breath's coming short (use short sentences to describe panic, or really long run-on uncontrolled ones). She hears a scream. But she's not aware of the way the hands feel curled around her daughter's arm. She doesn't know anything about what the kidnappers see and feel. She has a cursory view of the van--it's big and white and unmarked, and there's rust, and the door's loud when it slams. The engine roars. But she doesn't know what the inside is like. She smells the muffin her daughter was eating on the way to school. The coffee from her cup. Hears the silence in the aftermath. When I wrote the scene, I was shaking too, I'll admit. But you can be super visceral by really digging into the heart of what your character feels, and cutting out the rest. Use what will connect your reader to the character.

AlecJMarsh: what everyone else has said about POV is really important. Some scenes don’t need a lot of description if it’s somewhere the character has been before. Some need a lot if a character is anxious or gearing up for a fight. (My favorite descriptive scenes are the ones where characters are searching for clues or weapons in a room).

Another important thing to consider is the language you use. Flowery metaphors really bog down a paragraph. If the curtains are the blue of the summer sky after a storm and remind Dean with a pang of the summer he was fourteen and kissing someone for the first time, that memory had better be (1) important and (2) the only one in the description of the room. I’ve read stuff where the descriptions are so long I lose track of what is going on in the story. Only put in exactly as much as you need to set the stage and the mood.

AJ: To describe things well, you have to do your research. There’s no shortcut for that. Your imagination is great but don’t avoid google searches and asking your friends about things.

To be concise, take as many filter words and passive phrases (see also: state of being & helping verbs) out of your writing as you can. Doing this will not always make a sentence better! You have to make that decision yourself.  I also suggest not trying to do this while you write your first draft, it will slow you down. However, by critically examining word choices and sentences when you edit a draft--your own or someone else’s!--you can improve your understanding of what makes a sentence clearer, more concise, and/or better. Here are some things to consider when looking at a sentence or a paragraph:

What is this particular sentence/paragraph trying to tell me?

Are there any wordy and/or confusing phrases that can be replaced either with a single word or a clearer phrase?

Who is performing an action here? -- with the corollary that, if no one is doing anything, what purpose  does this sentence/paragraph serve in your story?

What is this particular sentence/paragraph trying to tell me?

Are there any wordy and/or confusing phrases that can be replaced either with a single word or a clearer phrase?

Who is performing an action here? -- with the corollary that, if no one is doing anything, what purpose  does this sentence/paragraph serve in your story?

It can be informative to read someone else’s writing with these things in mind, because you don’t already know the explanations behind the chosen words. Then you can apply the same thinking to your own edits! When it comes to descriptions specifically, think about how the character interacts with their environment (MAKE THEM INTERACT WITH IT! They shouldn’t just be standing there doing nothing.) and what the setting they’re in can tell your reader about your worldbuilding.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?Generally I’m too high-strung to really feel serene but I have little bursts of something similar here and there.

Truly serene and at peace...probably December, waking up some morning during my winter vacation in a warm bed in a chilly room, no responsibilities to take care of in the coming day, with my kitties all curled up against me.

Pseudo-serene-and-at-peace...a week ago or so I had one of these little moments where a bubble of ecstatic love swelled up in me and made my chest feel light and full. Sometimes I’m so in love with her it overwhelms everything else. That’s close, right?

oh THIS feeling. I have this feeling. right now I’m at the “WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT WHAT IS YOUR PLOT COME ON PLEASE TELL ME”

47. Who has the more complex coffee order?

lmao RPS is no fair!