#cloverspost

Human nature is something that philosophers have been debating for centuries and is the basis of social contract theories some of the most notable of these being Hobbs, Locke, Mencius, and Xunzi.

People believe that human nature is one preset idea or belief that does not change over time. For example some belive that human nature is selfish and evil, some believe that it is the desire for power over others and themselves, some believe it is rational and tied to social outcomes. While others believe thst human nature is good and selfless from the start.

The human brain uses these ideas of human nature as short cuts to understand and generalize the behaviors and thoughts of other humans. This has developed as a evolutionary saftey mechinism to ensure survival through communal living. The problem found in this is that no one person can truly know the nature or thoughts of another we can only take believe that we share a common nature with those around us. This is a problem inherent in human communication methodologies because we have the ability to lie or just plainly be misunderstood.

While this evolutionary mechinism makes sense when it comes to forming communities for survival in the short term in the long term this causes conflicts among individuals and communities when it comes to complex living in socialtal settings because we make assumptions about others based on our own morals, values, and ideals. When we believe that someone else holds these same things as ourselves it is setting up the discussion for dissapoinment and often failure.

To break away from this line of thinking understanding that the "nature of humans" Is diffrence is key. Every person within the sapian species is inherently diffrent from body shape, size, weight, height, and hair color. These things are due to genetic drift over generations while the diffrences in personality, dispositon, and thought patterns are due to many things from genetic drift , inheritance, lived experience, culture, and often religious beliefs. While these are not the only diffrence they are the primary factors in the major beliefs discussed earlier.

I am 23 days sober from weed almost too my goal of 30 days and applying for new jobs. This seems to be a good reflection point on some of the responses my body has had after 7 years of daily use.

Mental changes

The main thing that i used weed for was emotinal regulation. Because of this i feel the largest change in life has been the nessecity of seeking out other paths of emotinal regulation. For me the biggest reliefs have been the ability to experince kink in a way that I hadn't had before espically exploring my littlespace and having my needs met through care, non-judgement and meeting other littles.

The second path of emotinal regulation that I have been using is the creation of art that better expresses myself and gives my brain and opportunity to reset from the stress I experience.

Physical changes

There have been a few physical changes that i have noticed with this quitting. The thing with the most affect on my life is my diet and the ability to portion control for myself. One of my biggest issues for years has been over eating and a bit of an addiction to dessert. 😅 I have a bit of a sweet tooth and recently i have been doing much better in avoiding this treat after my meals, especially when I am already full which has helped in how I feel thoughout the day. The next physical change that is prevalnt is the clearing out of my lungs. For the last 4 years i had primarily been smoking concentrates/dabs which are much stronger and harsher than normal weed because of the process nessicary to make them. This had led to a weezing sound every time that i would breathe and has been a huge source of insecurity for me. This weezing has finally gone away my lungs are starting to recover.

These things have been the primary factors in my desire to get sober and i have achived them. I can't wait to reach a point where my brains chemistry is back to its natural abilities and my body/lungs are recovered to near full capacity (hopefully I havent done too much permanent damage to them 😅)

Dreams/nightmares

One of the things i find most prevalnt is the return of my dreams and nightmares to almost every time I sleep. These are extremely vivid and sometimes can be terrifyingly real to the point that I can feel the pain experienced in them. I dont want to share most of these because of the more personal nature of them but I hope to be able to better control these in the future and prevent some of the negative draw backs.

When I say I want.

I set an shared expectation, it is a hope.

When i share my hope it is my vunerability.

When my vulnerablility is taken for graunted.

I withdraw.

As much as I force myself into vulnerablility.

Into understanding.

That is giving you my hope and asking for it to grow in your care.

When I take your understanding and hope.

I analyze it and treat it with care.

I try and connect.

I understand that I may not be the one.

But why ask for me then?

This is what I get for giving my hope.

The loss of my vulnerablility .

The drawing of my shields.

The devestation of my mind.

The formation of my insecurities.