#cloudgeal

**A/N: I’m back at torturing Cloud again! This time by poking at his negative self talk and intrusive thoughts! If that’s triggering maybe give this one a miss! Also ⚠️trigger warning ⚠️ for panic attacks and Cloud having some issues with food (no ED but he’s depressed and struggling appetite loss), also I have highlighted a perceived possible power imbalance, but I want to make it clear that ASGZ take their power relation to Cloud seriously and rank does NOT get brought into the relationship.**

“It’s me, hi. I’m the problem it’s me. At tea time everybody agrees. I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be so exhausting always rooting for the Anti-Hero.” -Taylor swift, Anti-Hero

***

Cloud stirs his spoon through the soup Angeal has very kindly spent all afternoon cooking. It’s good, great even, it’s just a shame Clouds appetite abandoned him at the beginning of the week. He’d make up for it once he’s got his head on straight he promises himself, but right now he really can’t face eating all that much.

As he looks up through the hair curtaining his face he see’s his ridiculously beautiful boyfriends chat easily back and forth, swapping anecdotes about work or missions they’ve been on. Cloud has nothing to add. His job is seriously lacking in interesting anecdotes compared to actual first class SOLDIERS. If he opened his mouth to speak he knew he’d only be met with polite smiles and internal cringing on his own part.

He was nothing compared to these literal gods among men. Sometimes it was enough to make him feel like a mako monster sat at a dinner party. You could put lipstick on a wererat but that didn’t change the fact it was a rabid animal.

He looked back down again, trying desperately to convince himself to at least swallow a spoonful. Anything to let Angeal know the food was appreciated. Next to him, Zack laughed easily and slid an arm across the back of clouds chair; his own soup demolished.

“There’s no way you let them get away with anything less than Latrine duty!” He pressed, and Cloud realised he had no idea what the conversation was about… he’d zoned out too hard.

“Oh I had them on worse than that!” Genesis replied, and Zack lifted his hand off of the chair back to scratch at Clouds nape. “I’ve court martialed men for less.”

“You’ve set men aflame for less” Sephiroth pointed out.

The hand in Clouds hair felt like too much. The conversation was grating at him for no reason. For one horrifying second Cloud felt a yell well up in his throat before he stamped it down viciously and tried to wrestle his expression into something attentive.

He moved forward just a touch making Zack’s hand fall lazily between his shoulder blades, in a move that seemed like he was simply leaning into his own bowl. Zack at least, didn’t seem to notice or catch the discomfort in his face. Instead he mildly watched Cloud shove his spoon into his mouth and force himself to swallow.

The soup tried to force its way back up in protest but Cloud swallowed hard against the feeling. He would not make himself look like more of a fool than he already was.

How could he think he belonged here? How could he think he could possibly date these men who had achieved more in one year then Cloud was capable of in a lifetime. How could he simply sit here and play at being anything more than what he was… a lesser being.

Cloud wanted to push himself away from the table and run. Just throw open the door and go find a nice cave to hole up in. Maybe in twenty years time he could re-emerge and pretend he’d never tried to be more than he was.

His hands started shaking, the spoon falling from his grasp and making a loud clattering sound against the rim of the plate.

He was having a panic attack.

Shit.

“Cloud?” Angeal was looking at him with his beautiful mako ringed eyes. Cloud could hear his own breath trying to break his chest cavity open. He grasped at the neck of his t’shirt frantically trying to claw it away from his throat. It felt like he was being choked.

Every eye in the room was on him. Genesis had placed his wine glass on the table; Sephiroth’s hand on his arm, having apparently silently pulled his attention to Clouds pathetic display. Zack was leaned forward and rubbing at Clouds back.

“Stop!” Cloud cried out. “Stop! Stop touching me I- I can’t,” he panted and Zack pulled his and away fast, giving a placating apology.

“Darling,” Genesis spoke soft but firm. “You need to breath,”

Oh, Cloud wanted to throw something at him. He wanted to spit in Gen’s face and rage that he didn’t have the perfect control that they did. Instead he pressed the heel of his hand into his breast bone and leaned heavily against the table top. The feeling in his chest was getting worse, the elastic band on his lungs tightening.

Angeal, slipped deftly off of his chair and knelt to the side of Clouds own, taking the hand that was curled, white knuckled, against the edge of the table.

“Here,” he murmured, placing Clouds hand against his own chest. “Follow my breathing,”

Angeal took a deep breath in, held it and then let it out slowly. He kept up a steady stream of reassurances as he did so, making sure Cloud knew he was safe and that the attack would pass.

“Good, you’re doing so good Storm Cloud,”

The pet name was something Angeal had picked up from Claudia last time they’d visited Nibelheim, and much to Clouds outward irritation, but inward pleasure, he’d started using it at home too. It had a pretty settling affect on Cloud, as his brain registered the name as something safe. Something innocent.

“That’s it,” the ravenette cooed. “Easy does it, there you go.”

Once the immediate danger of passing out had passed, Cloud tried to pull himself into the smallest ball possible on the uncomfortable dining room chair. He tucked his feet just under his butt and wrapped his arms around his knees, hiding his face between them.

Was he ever not going to embarrass himself in front of them? He guessed not.

“Sunshine, what’s going on?” Zack was touching him again. Just a light touch of his finger tips to Clouds elbow, but it felt more grounding then before.

“Imtoomuchofawasteofspacetobedatingallofyouanditmakesmewanttocraoutofmyskin,” Cloud didn’t lift his head or try to enunciate properly. The exhaustion had made his accent thicken and his brain feel like it was filled with treacle. It was seeping out of his ears.

“I’m sorry, we don’t speak mumble.” Genesis ribbed lightly.

“Gen,” Angeal said warningly.

“Cloud, you need to speak clearly. If we can’t understand we can’t help” Sephiroth said in place of Genesis’ retort.

Cloud looked up a little and whispered “you shouldn’t be dating me.”

“Oh for goddess sake!”

“Genesis!” Angeal warned sharply this time. He turned his attention back to Cloud. “Baby why would you think that?”

Next to him, Zack had made a pained sound and pulled Clouds chair closer to him so he could wrap his arms around the smaller man. It didn’t feel as overwhelming this time, but it also didn’t feel deserved.

Cloud shrugged helplessly. “I just feel like I’m some kind of broken monster dressed up like a real person… I don’t feel like I can match up to what you guys are,”

The sentence hung in the air between them like a loaded gun. They were all aware of how their individual ranks within Shinra effected their relationship with Cloud.

Between the four firsts it wasn’t such an issue. Sure there was a hierarchy to follow while at work but that got left at the door. They were all first class. They all were working at similar levels.

With Cloud it was different. He was Infantry and while he may have been working towards third class with more clear cut success this time, it didn’t change the fact that they were operating at a very different level.

There were things, information, they were all privy to that Cloud was not authorised to know. Conversations that had to be cut short when he entered a room. It was incredibly isolating to be on the outside of that while pretending to be in a fair and equal relationship.

“You surpass us all darling,” Genesis leaned over the table and placed his hand on Clouds.

“I don’t. I’m not even a SOLDIER…”

“And what does that matter? You are strong in other ways. Besides, with all the work we’ve put into you these bast months and then knew research on mako sensitivity you are sure to pass.”

Clouds frown deepened.

“Don’t you feel used? Like I’m just using you to achieve my goals?”

It was Sephiroths turn to roll his eyes impatiently.

“Are you?” He asked

“No! Bu-“ Seph cut him off.

“Cloud getting into SOLDIER is not about how you utilise the resources available to you. It’s about your physical ability. We could put all the effort in the world in you and it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t meet the requirements,” he said, “you are not using us, and we would not let ourselves be used. Zack can tell you himself that his progression into SOLDIER was mostly possible because of Angeal.”

Zack huffed in amusement. “Hate to admit it spikes but he’s right. If Angeal hadn’t taken an interest in me I wouldn’t have gotten far at all.”

“That’s not true,” Cloud narrowed his eyes but Zack just shook his head at him.

“No it is. Before Angeal I was scrawny, hyperactive, undisciplined and really fucking forgetful. Ang used to say I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.”

Angeal chuckled, “not much has changed really,”

“Aside from all of that nonsense,” Genesis pressed on irritated at being sidecarred. “We have never, and will never see you as less than. You could put in your voluntary withdrawal tomorrow and we’d still love you and want you with us. It’s not your status we love Cloud it’s you.”

Cloud blushed deeply. Love. It’s funny how a four letter word can kamikaze straight into the side of his insecurities and drag them off a cliff.

They loved him. He kept forgetting that.

“I love you too,” he murmured staring deep into Gens eyes. The red head smiled at him adoringly, and Angeal placed a hand on the back of Clouds neck.

“Then stop playing the roll of the anti hero,” he squeezed once, tight enough to send sparks down Clouds spine.

au where Genesis is the reason Cloud wants to join SOLDIER and becomes his mentor. it’s set in omegaverse, so oldest to youngest:

Angeal-alpha

Genesis-omega

Sephiroth-alpha

Zack-alpha

Cloud-omega

ShinRa less evil megacorporation AU = Ignorance AU

Identical drawing soulmark. AerTi. Cetra have no marks but have soulmates.

Names soulmark. Reno x Rude. No idea of true names, marks placed in hard to reach places.

Shared music. AerTi. Aerith can’t distinguish Tifa’s humming from voices of Planet.

Mark showing how endangered soulmate is. AerTi (Aerith lives AU). Being child Tifa’ve made promise to bring her soulmate to safety one day.

[After this point everything is Cloud centred, you were warned]

Timers. Strifentine. After meeting timer counts down to date of death, Jenova cells wash away mark, Cloud’s WEAPON. Vincent notices his timer changed to uncountable amount only after Avalanche leave Nibelhaim.

Distance between soulmates soulmark. Strifodos (Ignorance AU), Genesis isn’t patient person and Cloud constantly hides. Genesis has a plan and it includes to have a mission with every infantry squad. In the end they got separated from others and got a chance to talk.

Distance between soulmates soulmark. Strifehart, their mark in runes of summons.

First words. Strifodos (Ignorance AU). Genesis always declaring poesy, who’d thought his soulmate wears short “shit”.

First words. Strifentine. Iconic Vincent’s phrase on Cloud and short “shit” on Vincent.

Body-swap every birthday. Strifentine, Vincent’s demons and Cloud’s constant fatigue.

Spontaneous body-swap. Strifehart, Cloud and Strife are from different worlds and have impressive lives. “What the f*ck happened this time?” and “OK, that’s explains” (Dissidia).

Object sharing. Reno x Cloud. Reno’s turk and can make use of anything, Cloud rarely needs something.

Object sharing – weapon sharing. Zakkura (Zack lives AU) or CloudGeal (Ignorance AU).

Object sharing – weapon sharing. Sephikura (Ever Crisis).

Hot&Cold (soulmark). Cloudgeal (Ignorance AU).

Marks on body when soulmate kisses other person. Zakkura (Zack lives AU), Zack searches for his soulmate intensively, Cloud decides on way to kill his soulmate.

More colours can be seen. Strifentine, Strifodos or Sephikura, none of them is touchy.

Compass to your soulmate. Strifentine. Compass show place your soulmate will be born or have died.

Compass to your soulmate. Zakkura (Zack lives AU or Ignorance AU). Fluff, Zack “abuses” his soulmark as much as he possibly can.

Compass. Sephikura. Cloud searches for Sephiroth more effectively.

Dream-sharing. Strifentine. Dream-scape was always under control of Vincent nightmares, till they become mako-infused nightmares. It took Vincent some time to understand what was happening.

Wolf-mates. Zakkura (Cloud never joins ShinRa AU). Cloud’s last werewolf, cursed to extinction, because they’ve betrayed Gaia and have helped ShinRa. Nibelheim accident, but ShinRa property was ruined by Nibelheim wolves.

Shared memories. Zakkura. Angst.

Identical soul-marks. Zack x Cloud x Aerith. Cloud afraid to tell Zack their marks match because Zack already have found his soulmate.

I do not own these images. All credit is for the artist.

I have a LOT of thoughts on this, and so I’ve decided to dump some of them here.

Oh my, I had this image in my head and I simply couldn’t get it out :3 I live for My Hero Academia these days...

Hey y’all it’s been a while but I’m in dire need of FF7 discords to join. Or really just any FF7 groups that I can interact with. If you could please reblog this I would really appreciate it so much. I need more fandom pals to gush about my ships, headcanons, and my overall excitement for Part 2 of the Remake. :)