so there is ongoing and nonstop infighting in the nana, higu, kusahigu, higunana community. i know youre not a X/twitter girl but it did make me think of the issues you reported ages ago about clique activity and how people treat people online, and i think its proabably the same group. hoping youre not getting any more shit from them! and tips please for being a part of ancommunity like this for the art even if the people are toxic please and thank you xxxxx
I'd like to say I'm surprised, but I can't say I am. While I've long since left that nonsense behind, I'm sorry you feel like you're stuck in the middle of it. First of all: do NOT lose your art! It is yours, and it is wonderful. Nobody can take that away from you.
So, regarding clique activity and the sharing of art online, remember that the value is in your art, and not the 'organised religion' of certain community groups.
You tend to find that in any fandom group, there are some horrid people, and some non-horrid people (the majority), and while you cannot stop the former from acting as they do (and nor should you expend your energy on doing so), you can alter if or how you interact with them, and how you emotionally respond to them.
You also tend to find that these groups share things in common:
- they always have to have a common enemy; if they've expelled one (usually unfairly ostracised) person, they will absolutely move onto the next, because their perception of themselves as the smartest, most bestest and righteous social justice warriors is reliant upon...
- ...always being either the Hero or the Victim in their own story. The sort of superior magnanimity they maintain (the 'above-it-all-ness' over the drama that they, themselves have created, and over people's legitimate emotional response to being bullied) will always make it seem, to the unaware reader, that this group/person must be in the right. In this way, feeling unhappy and outcast is an unwinnable fight. Walk away with your head held high, and continue sharing your art. You will find your people. The horrid ones are always the loudest, and so you will feel convinced that they are the majority, but they're not. Good people are everywhere.
- They are chronically online, even if they portray themselves as these people with such busy important external lives. You do get the impression that the community they have online forms the absolute majority of their human contact. While I'm absolutely not demeaning the importance or value of online interactions or communities (especially for those who are vulnerable, isolated, disabled, neurodivergent, etc.), you do get the impression that for a great many of those who are chronically online, it is their life. They tend to hyperbolise the significance of really quite inconsequential disagreements or differences. There is a lot of drama over, well...nothing. Just people having minor differences of opinion.
- There is a collective desperation to portray a certain image of oneself, even to the extent that the individuals in the group have utterly convinced themselves that they are the way they portray; usually, frankly, due to an inherent self-loathing that they must mask by portraying themselves as 'impressive' or 'influential' somewhere, because they likely don't feel so in real life, and wearing this mask is easier than accepting and working upon your faults.
- Virtue signalling everywhere!
- Much more aggressive insistence that they are a 'safe space', than actually being a safe space. In truth, actually much more fractious forced drama and casual gaslighting instead.
- Lots of people banding together over the pretence of being social justice warriors, and actually just being mean to people, because the individuals within the group have determined that 'mean girling' within a group is preferable to being out of the group. Real social rejection fears, steering the ship.
- And the final thing in common, is that you tend to notice that if there's ever 'drama', they're (strangely enough) always there. Again, they will portray that it's because they're the brave Hero or Victim, exposing people left-right-and-centre, like the brave and noble warriors that they are...except, the truth is, if you are the recurring variable in drama, you've probably got to stop and ask yourself: why is that?
So, my final advice: step back from any toxic community in any way you feel you need. Don't allow yourself to be pulled into giving an opinion on anyone else's drama. Always assess any 'drama'; if that same thing happened between people you were actually in the room with, how would you respond differently? And finally, don't allow yourself to be gaslighted, or to feel that your art isn't worth anything because the rhetoric is being controlled by toxic people.
Okay?
You know what, I've actually come to be quite fond of the phrase 'touch grass'; and not by means of an insult, or an attack. But because, really, taking a step outside of whatever you're in, and taking a breath of fresh air, really does help you to gain some perspective.
So in the most loving way: touch grass! If something feels wrong to you, talk to a trusted friend or someone who is entirely outside of any of the nonsense. Having a fresh perspective will likely get you to the point that I'm at; laughing it off, and in some ways, feeling a vague sort of pity and disgust towards people who make people feel small, for nothing.
I don't really spend any time worrying about this rubbish now, but I'll always provide insight or support to anyone who needs it. I'm sorry you had to reach out like this, but you are very welcome.
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I saw your Ask response to someone who was worried that you only reblogged their work occasionally (a mutual of yours I think) and it felt really relevant to me as I'm finding myself in a tight spot at the moment. You made it clear that you just rb what you really like and I respected that and im sad that your abusive asks that you mentioned appear to be related to that subject.
There is a group in a fandom I enjoy writing for who seem to be trying to monopolise the artists and writers etcctc into one big group, with everyone reblogging everything, but the issue is I don't always like what they write, and there is this feeling on the dl like if i dont rb everything then I wont be liked or wanted there. I dont really know what to do honestly Haitch.
✍️ anon if you take emojis please
Ugh. First and foremost I'm sorry this is happening to you. I have been in a similar position to you (there's a group who have painted me as some nasty arsehole, and I'm now roundly ignored by them, because I snapped at the self-appointed leader of the group for constant low-level narcissism and self-aggrandisement).
While I don't regret walking away from clique activity (especially with this one, who mask cliquey hyperbolic reblogs as 'being best friends' and 'positive reblog culture'), I understand how it feels to know you'll be pushed onto the sidelines unless you play their game and conform.
My own 'snap' came after weeks of the feeling that I had been invited to an orgy, but then once I'd arrived I wasn't allowed to join in. I found that because I only reblogged what I really liked, people suddenly treated my work as if it didn't exist. A pervasive feeling that I wasn't allowed to partake because my writing received lots of notes, also crept through.
Hard to say without feeling exceptionally arrogant; it's not how I intend it. I'm viewing this issue holistically at this point, with understanding (though not forgiveness) of the mentality behind it.
Apparently, you're not allowed to partake in toxic reblog culture, if you only reblog what you actually adore, instead of just reblogging everyone's stuff all the time.
So I can see where you're at. Ultimately, you have two choices: the honourable one, or the shrewd one. Do you leave because you won't forgo your values to bend to the peer-pressure? Or do you stay because you want to be shrewd, and understand that there may be some value to being in instead of being out?
In the end, the conclusion I've reached, is that a lot of people on Tumblr are very socially fragile. Lots of people who want to reach out and form friendship groups but are afraid of rejection. When they do form a group, they can then develop a sort of pack mentality of hyper-loyalty, because they're so happy to have not been rejected, and so practice these odd 'Mean Girls' behaviours as a protective mechanism.
It's a shame to sit back and watch it happen. It's harder to sit back and watch it happen, once you've walked away.
I wish you all the best, ✍️ Anon. I hope you can find a way around it.
Even answering this Ask has been rough-- I've been sitting on it all night, not sure if I even should answer it, because I know there's a chance of backlash from it.
I'm trusting that those who enjoy my blog, know me as the sort of person who does not partake in this sort of exclusionary activity.
jfc i know the clique you're talking about in that post Haitch! i never knew you were a part of the group but lmty i am HAPPY that you left. any time i see their reblogs i just scroll past tbh because they're so ott that its clear theyre just doing it because theyre friends and it feels so unfair especialy when most of the work isnt half as good as they build it up to be
glad you stepped away and tbh it makes sense. dont let the muggles get you down bebe!
For anyone wanting full discourse, a discussion on cliques began with This Ask Here:
I've had a few people say this!
I think while groups like this convince themselves and each other that they reblog out of community spirit, and reblog each other as a show of support for each others' writing, and because they adore each other, etc (which may be true), the real pathology creeps in when they unfairly prioritise their inner circle, 'over the top' reblog as you've said, and then exclude people whose personality they don't like.
There's a lack of self-reflection that comes with this; nobody seems to want to admit that they're playing favouritism. Nobody seems to want to admit that other people getting more interaction than them upsets them. Nobody seems to want to admit that they don't reblog art for the art; their mates are prioritised, and anyone they decide has wronged them, or has not conformed, is ghosted even when their work is brilliant.
I'll be honest, when it came to leaving the cliquey group, I walked away myself after my snapping incident. I'd been brewing bad feelings for quite some time, and I wasn't as eloquent as I usually am, and it left a very bad taste in my mouth. I'm disappointed with how I handled it, as I should have taken the opportunity to better display how I felt the morality and ethics of the overall group had taken a backseat, and I was angry for quite some time. As I tend to do in these situations, I remove myself, take a deep breath, and think.
Spending more time reflecting on it afterwards (as I always take time to consider that I may be the AH in any conflict situation; it's important to confront yourself) and spending time observing the clique from a distance, actually, I am quite certain that I read the situation well. Their pathology does seem to have only worsened.
When it then comes with silly little things, like being blocked, and your friends being ignored because a clique knows they're friends with you, and a weird obsessive 'collecting' attitude of more and more writers and artists being brought into 'the group', it very much starts to look very insincere, doesn't it?
i don’t really post my work on tumblr anymore, but i absolutely get the tumblr clique thing! i feel like you’ve put into words an issue that’s annoyed me but i couldn’t put my finger on it. i used to be part of a fandom where there was absolutely the whole clique thing going on and i felt like the only way to get rbs on my work would be if i was also a part of the clique. obviously no one is obligated to like or interact with whatever i’m posting but it was upsetting that there were only clique based interactions. if you’re out, you may as well be posting into the void.
If anyone wants to follow the Clique Activity discourse tonight, I answered This Ask originally, and it led to an absolute slew of Asks from you guys:
Yes, this is it.
I find these cliques will use the "Obviously, nobody should feel obliged to reblog work, and nobody should feel entitled to receiving reblogs!" as a bit of a weapon and a test.
They use it to simultaneously justify what they do reblog (which is usually heavily, heavily in weighted favour of those in their clique), and to gaslight you when you get upset for them not reblogging you (nobody should feel entitled to their work being reblogged...but why will they reblog all of their mates, and not you, hmm? When it happens again and again and again, you start to wonder if you're going mad, or being selfish, or arrogant, or jealous. They will let you feel this way).
It's so unjust, because whatever complaint you can make about feeling left out, can be very easily turned on you, and you can be left feeling pathetic, or arrogant, or small, or worthless. When the people within the clique convince themselves that they're just One Big Supportive Happy Friendship Group™️, they refuse to even accept the impact they have on individuals in the wider community.
I'm so sorry, that you've felt like you're just posting into the void. I've had more Asks saying exactly the same thing today.
It's shitty, and it's Leaving People Out Behind The Mask Of Inclusivity. It's 'Mean Girls' behaviour, masked as social justice warriors. It's a positive feedback mechanism of every single person in the group telling the other they're right for what they're doing, making it harder and harder to break out of the cycle and accept that clique activity is wrong.
All my love, and best of luck if you're still struggling with being Out Of The Group, as such.
