#cleholden

Madison had never thought of himself as desirable so it was strange to have Jefferson's hands all over him any time they were alone, Jefferson's lips searching out any new place to land. Surely the man could have his pick, had his pick in the past. Martha Jefferson, after all, had been beautiful. Yet here was Jefferson behaving as if he'd never wanted anyone this much, as if he'd never had the pleasure of being with someone this way. Or perhaps merely hadn't in a very long time. Madison doubted that too, though. Surely Jefferson had enjoyed companionship in France.

He supposed the question would bother him until he asked. He didn't think there was anything wrong with Jefferson having seen anyone before they were together so getting the confirmation shouldn't upset him.

He raised the question in bed one Saturday morning. Jefferson had already been up for a while, but he'd crawled back under the covers when he'd peeked into the room--presumably not for the first time--and seen Madison awake. He was currently kissing Madison's neck and running his hands anywhere he could.

“Thomas,” Madison said tilting his head to give Jefferson more room, “did you see anyone before me? I mean, right before me.”

“Come on, babe, we're honeymooning,” Jefferson said, pressing his hips against Madison. “We can talk about this down the road.”

Now Madison was a bit worried. “I'd be more comfortable if we discussed it now,” he said. “I've kind of gotten the idea in my head now that you were making out with someone on the way to the airport.”

“No, nothing like that,” Jefferson assured quickly, sitting up. “It's not the timing of it. I stopped seeing anyone else as soon as I started to feel like I had a chance with you, so almost two years now, I'd say. It's more the issue of who I was seeing, because I'm still friends with them.”

“Ah.” Madison sat up as well. “So you think I might get worried that you would go back to them because they're still in your life?”

“Yes,” Jefferson said. “I mean, I wouldn't do that, but yes my concern is that that would be your concern.”

“Well, don't you think it's fair to give me the opportunity to set boundaries?”

Jefferson nodded. “Yeah, you're right. Okay, first of all, understand that these weren't serious things. My intention was just to enjoy myself while I was in France and not worry about anything outside of work, so mainly it was just hooking up regularly. So first was my friend Gilbert.”

“Gilbert with the name?”

Jefferson grinned. “Yes, Gilbert with the name. The one that's also friends with Hamilton.” Jefferson chuckled. “Actually the other person is close to Hamilton, too, and now that I've met him and know that he's awful, it's actually kind of funny. It was his wife's sister, Angelica.”

The one Angie was named after. But....

“Isn't she married?”

“Yes,” Jefferson confirmed. “But it isn't like that. Sure, I'm charming enough to lure a beautiful woman away from her wealthy husband, but the truth is they have an open relationship.”

Madison wondered if Eliza and Hamilton knew about this. “Really?”

“Yeah, so the way she explained it to me was that they are very much in love, and committed to each other emotionally, but he's not big on sex, somehow. I don't really get that part. But the point is, they have an agreement that she can seek sex elsewhere.”

“That wasn't weird for you?”

“Well, I wouldn't be in that kind of relationship myself,” Jefferson said, stretching, “letting my partner sleep with other people. Or sleeping with other people while I have a partner, but being the other man when no one's gonna come after me with a shotgun later? I wasn't trying to say no. It's not really all that uncommon though. Maybe you didn't know, but Gilbert is married too.”

Madison had been worried for a moment about Jefferson having an idea like that in his head. Eventually it was going to come up that Madison wasn't so into the sex thing himself. Not that he could say he disliked it, but if he'd gone this long without even trying it then he could definitely say it wasn't something he needed, and it seemed pretty clear that Jefferson did. Hopefully they could work it out, but sending Jefferson off to find relief elsewhere wasn't something he would be comfortable with, so at least Jefferson didn't seem interested in it either.

“So what about you?” Jefferson asked.

Shit. Of course he'd want Madison to reciprocate.

“Well....”

“Come on,” Jefferson insisted. “Boundaries, remember?”

But that was the problem. There were no boundaries to be set because Madison hadn't been involved in any significant relationships before this one. And while that had mostly been by choice, given his age it was frankly embarrassing, especially considering the contrast of Jefferson's romantic past. Well, he had to give Jefferson something. He thought about mentioning Joey from college, but he held back. In the first place, he’d been too busy fast-tracking through his studies and having nervous breakdowns to confirm what he took to be Joey’s advances. And while there was no reason to worry about truth when padding one’s résumé, if he mentioned Joey at all, he'd have to tell Jefferson that the man was dead. As much as Madison brought up the topic of his own death from time to time, he wasn't fond of talking about death when it involved other people.

“I had a girlfriend named Kitty,” he shared instead, though calling her his girlfriend was being generous. They’d held hands in junior high school, using large amounts of hand sanitizer before and after. She said she would kiss him when he stopped being sick, but of course he never had.

Jefferson snorted. “Her name was Kitty? What is she, a stripper?”

“A doctor, actually.” The last time he had seen her was at the party her husband had thrown to celebrate the completion of her residency. “And so what if she was a stripper?”

“Come on, you’re supposed to make fun of your partner’s exes”.

“Sounds like something a jealous person would do.”

“All right, all right. So what happened between the two of you? Why’d you split up?”

They had gone to different high schools, but Madison couldn’t say that without revealing just how long ago this had been, so instead he shrugged and said; “I guess we just drifted apart.”

“Anyone else?”

For a moment Madison considered making his friendship with Hamilton out to be more than it had been, but that would have negative consequences. He needed Jefferson to be cool-headed when facing Hamilton. If Jefferson were constantly consumed with jealous rage, Hamilton would win every time.

“Not in the time frame we’re talking about,” Madison said, ignoring that Kitty hadn't been in that time frame either, “and no one who's still in my life, so unless you want to give me an expanded list….”

“No,” Jefferson said quickly enough that Madison considered pressing for the list after all. He ultimately decided against it. The longer Jefferson's list, the more embarrassing his own.

“All right,” Madison said, settling back into the bed. “I'm gonna try to sleep a bit more, but feel free to hold me while I do it.”