Walking alone.. In the dark skies no recall, it makes you want to scream. 

One second you’ve recovered, made it on the other side. Of the scars, the darkness that peeled against your skin. From near death, from losing a wife. You’ve found love again. You felt happy, yet each night when you closed your eyes, you felt fear. The fear you’d wake up and be somewhere unfamiliar. Clay pretended to be fine. Each night he fell asleep in a peaceful bliss, arm wrapped around Quinn’s dainty frame. And hours, of bliss of sleep, the morning.. 

It’s when it’s hazy. He’d wake up on playgrounds. A spinning while of swings. He’d open his eyes and feel dizzy. He had always been the dependable guy. The guy to lean on, no more secrets. Sleep walking, was fine. Fine enough to where Clay wore a smile, said the words enough to reassure the dirty blonde he was okay. But in the back of his head he was freaking out. Sleep walking, no memory of what occurred during these hours, it was terrifying. And I lied. I told quinn I brought the drugs, because my prescription ran out, I was so terrified of myself if I said the words. The words I dreaded upon, what she dreaded upon. Did it make me insane? Delusional? Honestly it was a give or take. Clay was devoted, he was happy. But when Dan showed up today, the killer that man was, I didn’t feel fear. I felt relief when he pushed my dark locks under the ocean waves. Because for those seconds I wasn’t a fraud, I wasn’t a guy lying to his girlfriend. I was free from the scars, from the demons of my own mind. 

Wetness over my face, holding my breath now, the haunting words echoed through my mind. “ Do you ever learn? Buying drugs? Putting my family in danger.” Now he was one to chat, considering but in fear he actually wanted to kill me, Clay tied his tongue shut until his head lifted up for air, breathing heavily now. As the water spilled from his lips, as he coughed out the amount of ocean water. “ I’m not buying drugs, I lied.” And the ask the obvious why? A stone cold expression layered over my features, as I said the words aloud, that made my skin cold, curl with fear. “ I didn’t want to scare her, I don’t remember why I was there. I don’t remember when I leave this house. I wake up and don’t remember a thing.” Dan was someone i didn’t trust, which is probably why I felt free saying the words aloud. I owed him nothing. He hated me enough, and I hated him yet he had the tenacity to motivate me in my career, to better mentally for myself. And I felt it the shock, the stare, dreading turning around, I knew it Quinn. Tilting my head back, jaw flat open. “ Baby..” I echoed the words; because I never wanted to scare her, I never wanted Quinn to hold the burden to where my nightmares were..