#clawster

Action Comics #699 (May 1994)

"THE BATTLE FOR METROPOLIS" STARTS HERE! Well, not here here, since most of the issue is actually just the setup for the battle itself, but this still counts as the first part of the storyline that will reshape the City of Tomorrow forever (in comic book terms, so "for a few months").

We start with Lex Luthor Jr. being interviewed on a panel-style TV show that conveniently recaps all the relevant plot points: Lex Jr. is at war with Project Cadmus because he blames them for the virus that's killing all the clones in Metropolis (including Lex Jr. himself, because he's actually Lex Sr. in a clone body). The Underworld clones living in Metropolis' sewers also blame Cadmus for their malaise and have been voicing their displeasure by breaking Cadmus shit all over the city, using big '90s-type weapons Lex secretly provided.

During the interview, Lex points out that Metropolis' so-called protector hasn't been terribly helpful during the current crisis, but that's because Superman's been occupied dealing with his power issues -- as in, his superpowers going out of whack, not that his landlord cut off his electricity or something. Fortunately, Superman managed to get rid of his excess powers last issue by just letting the Parasite absorb them (which turned the Parasite into a big-ass monster, but that's a problem for another storyline).

After recovering from his fight with the (now-missing) Parasite and confirming with Professor Hamilton that his powers are completely back to normal, Superman catches up with Lois Lane, who recently lost her job due to Lex's h4xx0r skillz. Talking to Lois, Superman finally learns the shocking truth about Lex Luthor Jr. = Lex Luthor Sr., and he also finally connects the dots between the clones of Metropolis getting sick and Lex suddenly looking old and frail.

When Superman goes to confront Lex, he sees that a kinkily dressed-Supergirl is about to kill him and has to stop her (see the Supergirl miniseries for more details on how the heck that happened).

Once Supergirl leaves, Superman goes after her, apparently forgetting what he came to LexCorp for (or deciding to give poor Lex a break, given his frail state). Lex's faithful medical team, Drs. Kelley and Packard, end up putting him in a "hyperbaric chamber"/big healing tube and chopper him to his private yacht so he can recover.

Meanwhile, the city is being evacuated and things are tense between the various groups that are supposed to protect it. A fight is about to break out between members of Team Luthor, the Special Crimes Unit, and Project Cadmus, when some nasty Underworlders suddenly emerge from the ground and attack the Cadmus guys. Superman drops by to reason with the Underworlders, and they actually seem to be listening to him... until Lex, from the safety of his yacht, remotely fires one of those sci-fi guns he gave the Underworlders, and all hell breaks loose. OK, now we can say the battle has started. TO BE CONTINUED!

Plotline-Watch:

We get an appearance from Jimmy Olsen's mom AND Bibbo in the same page?! Oh boy. Unfortunately, Jimmy himself appears too (along with Ron Troupe, both riding Bibbo's bike straight into the danger zone). Interesting that Jimmy has an Uncle Fred and Aunt Lynn in the city, yet he still ended up living in his car for a while. Is there a a deleted scene where he asked if he could crash with them and they just laughed for ten minutes?

Lex publicly blames Cadmus for destroying his private homes all over the world, but those who read the Supergirl mini know that was actually S-Girl subtly letting him know she's breaking up with him. Incidentally, in Supergirl #4, she actually throws Lex through his office's window and Superman rescues him, but in this issue, Superman arrives before she can throw him. Continuity error... or an anomaly caused by a certain time crisis looming in the horizon?!

When Superman is having his check-up with Professor Hamilton, he notices Hamilton seems distraught -- Hambone claims it's because of the chaos going on in the city, but I think it's clearly because Superman didn't even comment on the fact that he just dyed his hair brown at some point since his last appearance.

What with the city being under martial law and all, Perry White moves the Planet's city room to the newspaper's printing plant on the edge of town, and thinks to himself: "I've endured fires, blackouts, and riots, but I've never been forced to evacuate my own city room... until now." He might be talking about the fires, blackouts, and riots that happened during and around the "Blackout" storyline, when Metropolis was going through a Lex-triggered economic crisis.

Incidentally, Perry also seems to notice for the first time that all of the Planet's computer equipment was made by his biggest enemy's company, so he asks to see a test run of anything that's printed from now on. Don Sparrow says: "Interesting that Perry White, no longer a reporter, is the first to have the notion of checking the presses while investigating the wacky headlines Lois was purportedly creating. Lois and Clark are both intrepid newshounds, and neither of them thought of that? I suppose Clark was busy being enormous at the time."

Mayor Berkowitz, usually a level-headed chap, sides with Luthor and says on TV that Cadmus is intentionally creating all that chaos as revenge for that time he and Lex didn't let them steal Superman's corpse (during "Funeral for a Friend"). Surely this means Lex will finally forgive Berkowitz for having him arrested way back in The Man of Steel #4, right? (Spoilers: haha, no.)

I mentioned in our post about Man of Steel #33 that the nonchalant way in which Lois told Superman about Lex Jr. being a clone kinda bugged me. It was so nonchalant, in fact, that Superman didn't even seem to remember that bit of information in this issue, since he exclaims "What?!" when Lois mentions it again. Or maybe he thinks Lex Jr. being a clone was predictable but it's the part about him having Lex Sr.'s brain that took him by surprise? Either way, I'm actually glad we got a do-over on that moment, even if it still wasn't as dramatic as I would have hoped for.

Patreon-Watch:

This post was published today and not in like three months thanks to the Superman '86 to '99 Patreon gang, Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, and Bol. You rule!

You know who also rules? Don Sparrow, who has more commentary on this issue after the jump...

Superman: The Man of Steel #34 (June 1994)

"THE BATTLE FOR METROPOLIS," Part 2! Lex-Men vs. Dubbilex-Men! I know it's not true, but part of me feels like they introduced Lex Luthor's armored security force a few years ago and Project Cadmus' Dubbilex back in the '70s just so they could make that pun in this cover. I don't think anyone has ever referred to Cadmus' security force as "Dubbilex-Men" before this issue, but you have to admit that's a snappier name than "Cadmus' security force."

Anyway, last issue ended with all hell breaking loose in the middle of Metropolis, and in this one... it continues to break loose. Team Luthor fights Cadmus while the Special Crimes Unit tries to stop the Underworld clones and the Underworld clones try to kill everyone, with Superman quite literally stuck in the middle.

The Underworlders, as we've recapped a million times by now, are furiously attacking the surface world because they blame Cadmus for the plague that's killing them. At one point, the Underworlders seem to run away from the fight -- but that's only because they've been leading the humans to a bomb they planted, causing a huge explosion in the middle of the city.

Lex Luthor Jr., who secretly supplied the bomb, is watching the action through hidden cameras and doesn't seem terribly concerned about the fact that his bomb killed a bunch of his employees, too. What's even more disturbing is that the Clone Plague is rapidly turning into the Cryptkeeper (to think he looked like red-haired Fabio a few weeks ago...).

Meanwhile, Lois Lane gets a message from her mysterious source inside LexCorp offering her new evidence of Lex's crimes (which is good, because Lois lost the old evidence when her apartment blew up). Lois sneaks into LexCorp following her source's instructions, and finds a secret office where she retrieves two important items: a VHS tape showing Lex strangling his personal trainer, and a big map of Metropolis showing that Lex has a lot more bombs hidden all over the city. Uh-oh.

Back in the battle zone, some Cadmus troopers led by Guardian, a.k.a. Cadmus' very own Captain America, find themselves surrounded by an army of pissed-off Underworlders (who are apparently much better at strategy than the humans). Dubbilex, freshly arrived from Hawaii, flies in to the rescue with some Cadmus paratroopers, but some Lex-Men get in their way and try to kill them. Dubbilex and Guardian are the only clones who aren't dying, which the Underworlders see as confirmation that Cadmus intentionally caused the plague. (The fact that the Newsboy Legion kids are dying doesn't prove much, since they're pretty annoying and I could see Director Westfield deeming them acceptable losses.)

Dubbilex is actually feeling pretty conflicted about having to fight other ugly clones like himself, until he sees that Clawster (the big, rocky, supposedly invulnerable Underworlder players of the Death and Return of Superman video game mistook for Doomsday's kid brother) is about to kill Guardian. Dubbilex launches a psychic blast that takes away Clawster's invulnerability, allowing the paratroopers to blast the hell out of him. It looks like Clawster is down for the count, but in his final moments he rages at Guardian and breaks his shield (another thing that was supposed to be unbreakable) as he makes some pretty good points about Cadmus' Director Westfield.

Superman remembers this comic is about him and arrives just in time to see Clawster dying and Guardian being left badly injured. The other Underworlders scatter, and just as Superman is saying there must be some way to stop the senseless killing, Lex remotely detonates another bomb right in his face. TO BE CONTINUED!

Character-Watch:

That's it for Clawster, who had the misfortune of being introduced in Man of Steel #17 and ending up being seen as a lamer and (barely) more articulate version of Doomsday. I'll admit I was still kinda fond of this knucklehead, and I think he could have ended up being a more memorable villain if he'd had better timing. Sadly, there will be no Clawster/Prey miniseries where he comes back. His only other appearances after this were 2011's Retroactive issue, which is set before this one, and an unexplained cameo in a montage of Steel fighting various villains in 2010's Superman #697, though you only see his back. Maybe it WAS Doomsday's kid brother that time.

(Unrelated: Is that Professor Hamilton's building in the background?)

Plotline-Watch:

Dubbilex arrives in Metropolis halfway through the issue along with his young ward, Superboy, who is in pretty poor shape, not just due to the Clone Plague but also the events of Superboy #5 (which we haven't covered yet). Superboy tries to go help Superman anyway, but he instantly collapses in the middle of the infirmary. THAT'S how brave Superboy is. Or maybe he didn't want to be stuck with the Newsboy Legion in the infirmary.

Despite not currently working for the Daily Planet, Lois still calls Perry White to tell him about the first explosion and tip him off about where the Underworlders are headed next, so that Perry can send Jimmy Olsen and Ron Troupe there. THAT'S how professional Lois is. Or maybe she's just trying to get Jimmy killed, which I understand (sorry, Ron).

Speaking of Jimmy and Ron, as we saw last issue, Bibbo is helping them follow the action in his bike, until they find out some Underworlders are trashing the Ace O'Clubs. Big mistake: Bibbo produces a big shotgun from somewhere (does he have Bloodsport technology?) and goes in to deal with the looters. The scene ends there, because this is an all-ages comic.

Professor Hamilton feels responsible for triggering this war because he's the one who told the Underworlders that the Clone Plague was probably caused by the time Westfield flooded Metropolis' tunnels. In the middle of all the fighting, Clawster drops by to tell Hambone that they'll spare him and reassure him that he didn't cause the war: the truth caused the war. The truth that he told them. Yeah, that'll make him feel better.

There's a short scene with Myra the Orphanage Lady saving Keith the Unlucky Orphan from being eaten by Kathana, the same hypnotic lizard lady Keith once mistook for his mom (it was dark). Kathana actually tried to turn Keith into a stew in the aforementioned Man of Steel #17, and apparently she's been biding her time waiting for another opportunity since then. Keith is very lucky to have Myra in his life.... for now, anyway.

In this issue we meet Lois' exceptionally dedicated mailman, Fred Bentson, who tracks her down in the middle of an active war zone to give her the mail she hasn't gotten since her apartment blew up (including that note from her LexCorp source). Then, Fred says something about how he'd rather "stay in Dakota" but he keeps waking up in Metropolis. This is a little teaser for a crossover that will happen within this storyline and right before another, bigger crossover, just in case you'd forgotten this is a '90s comic.

Apparently, Lex is a huge fan of the film Metropolis -- so much so that he hides tapes with incriminating evidence under a statue of the lady robot from that movie.

Patreon-Watch:

Last month in the Superman '86 to '99 Patreon, we covered an Elseworlds annual in which Superman snaps a villain's neck, skins him, and wears his fur like a suit. Fun stuff! Join our patrons Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Bol, and Gaetano Barreca at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

And now, join the great Don Sparrow for more commentary, after the jump!

Superman: The Man of Steel #33 (May 1994)

An unfortunate series of events has turned Superman so grotesquely swole that he now looks like he’s, well, a character in a ‘90s superhero comic. Last issue, his rapidly growing powers simply made him slightly taller, but by now he's basically a head drowning in a mass of comically large muscles (I’m amazed his costume hasn’t burst yet; props to Ma Kent’s stitching abilities). Another unfortunate side effect of his ordeal is that he’s afraid to even breathe near Lois Lane because he thinks he might kill her.

Superman asks his friends at Project Cadmus to come up with a way to turn him back to normal and they oblige, despite having their hands kinda full with the army of sewer mutants currently trying to invade them (more on that in the plotlines section below). Their idea is to put Superman near the Parasite, the superpower-stealing supervillain, so that he’ll absorb Superman’s excess energy. Wouldn’t that make the Parasite super-strong and stuff? No, you see, because they’ll put him near some “siphoning coils” that will drain the excess energy from him.

Within a few seconds of the experiment starting, the siphoning coils fail to siphon the excess energy (you had one job, siphoning coils) and the Parasite becomes super-strong and stuff. He immediately breaks free and starts killing Cadmus people as Superman tries to stay away from him so he doesn’t become even more powerful. Then Superman realizes “Hey, wait a minute, I’m even more ridiculously overpowered!” and does this:

Superman pushed the Parasite into the ground so fast and with so much strength that the rock melted from the friction and crystalized, trapping him in a “glass prison,” just as Superman planned -- he may look like the Hulk now, but he’s no brute.

Since that plan to cure Superman failed, Cadmus decides to take a page from him and do what he does whenever he has a problem he doesn’t know how to solve: just chuck it into space. As in, they strap Super-Superman to a big-ass rocket and launch it to a space station orbiting the Earth’s dark side so that he won’t be able to absorb any more energy from the sun.

For once, I sympathize with Cadmus’ Director Westfield when he asks if all that expense was really necessary (couldn’t Superman have flown himself there?). Anyway, TO BE CONTINUED!

Plotline-Watch:

As mentioned, the Clone Plague storyline escalates dramatically when the sick and dying Underworlders invade Cadmus en masse and actually manage to break in before they’re shot down by soldiers. We then see the dramatic death of Rambeau, the ram-headed Underworlder we met at the start of the “Doomsday!” storyline, who dies right in front of the (also sick) Newsboy Legion kids after warning them that they’re next. We’ll miss you, Rambeau... or maybe not so much since, according to the “Death of Superman” video game, he’s got like 40 identical cousins.

Last issue, master hacker Lex Luthor Jr. hacked into Lois Lane’s computer to rewrite her exposé on him so that no one would believe her ever again, and now we see what he came up with: a front-page article accusing Luthor of being a “SPACE-ALIEN CLONE” who “WILL SLAY EARTH’S WOMEN.” He also bribed (and later murdered) the Daily Planet’s night editor so he’d let the article through. Everyone from Director Westfield to a random traffic cop makes fun of Lois for her story, but Don Sparrow points out: “In a world where every major American city is guarded by super-powered off-worlders, is Lois Lane’s ‘alien clone’ headline that laughable?” Yeah, perhaps the most incredible part here is that this wouldn’t really be front-page news if true.

Luthor’s revenge on Lois doesn’t end there: throughout the issue we see that he went full Kingpin on her, ruining her credit cards, emptying her bank account, bribing that traffic officer so she’d fail a breathalyzer test, and making it look like she’s having a nervous breakdown. The credit thing is the worst part, because it embarrasses Lois as she’s paying for a meal with Mayor Berkowitz in a fancy restaurant. Don again: “I know that it’s to set up her online financial problems, but was Lois really picking up the cheque while dining with the Mayor? Or were they going Dutch?”

Speaking of Lois, this issue includes another variation of the cute scene where Superman wakes her up by lightly tapping on her window, only this one isn’t so cute because he’s so strong that his “light” taps break the window and Lois cuts her feet.

Superman asks the Cadmus folks to meet him at the tree city of Habitat, which has been in ruins since Doomsday rampaged through it, because at least he can’t do any more damage there. I wonder if they ever explained how it went back to normal in future issues. Did the Hairies rebuild it? Did it just grow back? Zatanna?

The Parasite had been captured in S.T.A.R. Labs since way back in October 1991. In this issue we’re told that Westfield “acquired” him from S.T.A.R., and of course the first thing he does is pump him full of super-energy and let him kill an employee. He almost kills Big Words of the Newsadult Legion, too (it would have been pretty funny if he had and then suddenly started using big words).

One thing that bugs me about this issue is how casually Lois reveals to Superman that, oh yeah, Lex Luthor Jr. is a clone of Lex Luthor Sr., meaning that his greatest enemy isn’t really dead and had been pretending to be a friend for years. That’s a big deal! Superman’s like “sorry, I’m too swole to care about this right now.” I’m also iffy about the part where she says she implicated Luthor in his trainer’s attempted murder; he DID murder her, but then aliens brought her back to life. Is “attempted” the correct legal term in that case?

What I do like is how the creative teams have handled Lex’s slow transition from smooth Australian philanthropist to full-on supervillain as his body and mind deteriorate due to the Clone Plague. The issue ends with a frail Lex (in some sort of medical gown that looks like his Pre-Crisis mad scientist suit) meeting with Clawster of the Underworlders to give him bombs and weapons to use not just in Cadmus, but in all of Metropolis, because if he's dying from the Plague then he wants to take it with him. It’s fitting that just as he’s starting to look like the classic Lex, he suddenly has an excuse to behave like him too.

Patreon-Watch:

This appropriately swole post was made possible (and partly previewed) by Superman ‘86 to ‘99′s Pals, Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, and Bol. Join them here if you wish: https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

And now, more from Don after the jump!

Superman: The Man of Steel #31 (March 1994)

The plague hits Metropolis! The clone plague, that is. Not as in “man, there are a lot of clones in this comic all of a sudden” (there are, but I don’t mind), but as in “clones are dying for some mysterious reason.” The first tragic victim is a giant frog called Bubble-Up, one of the Underworlders who helped Lois Lane retrieve Superman’s corpse from Project Cadmus back in “Funeral for a Friend.” (As a reminder, “Underworlders” are failed cloning experiments created by Cadmus who ended up living in the sewers under Metropolis, so they’re mostly clones down there, along with some random homeless people and the occasional alien.)

The Underworlders are convinced that Cadmus created this plague to kill them off and want to hit them back. Some, like Lois’ long-time homeless informant Charlie, think that attacking Cadmus would only give them an excuse to wipe out the Underworlders, but the others brush him off and are like “Wake up, sheeple!” (Literally, since at least one of them has the head of a ram.) So, Charlie and the less beligerent Underworlders come up with a brilliant plan to prevent a war: they kidnap Cadmus’ Director Westfield to persuade him to stop using “germ warfare” against the clones. Yeah, that’ll calm everyone down.

The nastiest Underworlders (Clawster and Rambeau from Death and Return of Superman video game fame) want a war with Cadmus at all costs, even if it means killing Charlie. Now that Superman’s back on Earth after his little space tour, Clawster and pals orchestrate several acts of sabotage around Metropolis to keep him occupied while the conflict rages on. Superman figures out what’s going on just a second too late to save Charlie from sacrificing his life to save Westfield.

Superman stops the fight and vows to find out if the plague was made by Cadmus, but the Underworlders aren’t willing to wait for that because, well, they’ll die any moment now. Westfield doesn’t seem too convinced that the Underworlders are a peaceful bunch, either. There’s a big battle in the horizon -- a Battle for Metropolis™, you might say!

Character-Watch:

Rest in piece Bubble-Up, Teletype (the seal with psychic powers), and Charlie, whom I unfairly dubbed “Charlie the Ungrateful Hobo” in his first appearance (Man of Steel #17) because he seemed to repay Lois’ continued kindness by joining a violent Underworld revolution to overthrow the surface world. However, on the next issue we found out that Charlie only joined up to spy on the revolutionaries for Lois, so I apologized for my assumption. He’d remained a voice of reason among the Underworlders since then, so he’ll be missed.

Plotline-Watch:

So, are all the clones in Metropolis affected by the plague? Guardian seems to be fine, but we hear that the Newsboy Legion isn’t doing so well, and on the last page we see that Lex Luthor Jr. is losing his hair -- and reacts so badly that he fires his hairstylist, the same one who did his hair for Superman’s funeral (he won’t be needing one pretty soon, anyway). Don Sparrow says: “Getting a real Meshach Taylor as Hollywood Montrose vibe from Lex’s now-former hairstylist.”

The first hint that Lex isn’t doing well was actually in last month’s Supergirl #1, when Dr. Kelley notices he looks off and he says he’s just “a bit tired.” It’s only once his beloved hair starts going that Lex takes his illness seriously, which seems pretty in character for him.

The first thing Superman does upon returning to Earth is help a couple whose car is snowed in by melting the ice with his heat vision. Don says: “Living in frigid Canada, I can appreciate the idea of Superman’s assist with melting the snow on page 8, but that car would be untouchably hot for a long time after, wouldn’t it?” Not to mention that Superman’s powers are currently out of whack, so they're lucky he didn't end up melting the entire car.

Right after that, the owner of a flower shop throws Superman a bouquet of flowers as thanks for saving his brother’s hot dog stand from alien invaders at some point. This gives him some extra points with the fiancée once he stops by her place in a sappy (but deserved, because they’ve even away for a while) scene.

The clone plague is so strong that it even changes your skin color! Charlie’s friend Grub has always been white but he’s black in this issue (that’s him on the first image on this post). Also, note that Charlie started dying his hair brown at some point.

Patreon-Watch:

This post was made possible by the Superman ‘86 to ‘99 Patreon′s pals, Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Hank Curry, and our new friend Bol, who got to read Don Sparrow’s section two weeks ago (because Don finished it before me; he’s the second fastest typist I’ve ever seen). Here it is for everyone else:

DC Retroactive: Superman - The '90s (October 2011)

Wait, why are we talking about a comic from 2011 if the blog is still in 1994?! Because this was part of DC's “Retroactive” event, where they brought back iconic creators from various eras to do new issues retroactively set in the middle of their old series. This one happens to be (roughly) set in the time period we're covering in the blog, so we couldn’t let it pass.

More specifically, this story takes place during the time when Lex Luthor Jr. is losing his hair (and also his mind) due to the "clone plague" hitting Metropolis. Literally, a deadly plague that only affects clones. And since "Lex Jr." is actually Lex Sr. in an enhanced clone body, he's getting it pretty bad.

Lex is jealous of Superman's media attention and impressive hair (we're smack dab in the middle of the Mullet Era, after all), so he pulls out an ace he's been keeping under his sleeve for quite some time: a new and improved version of "Cruiser," the gigantic tapeworm that attacked Metropolis back in 1992's Man of Steel #12. (Yes, this comic picks up on a 19-year-old plotline.) This new Cruiser was created by genetically modifying an egg left by the original one, which begs the question: do Cruisers reproduce asexually, or are there a whole bunch of giant worms getting it on deep under Metropolis? Maybe we'll get an answer in another follow-up issue in 2030.

Anyway, Superman spends most of the issue dealing with some strange earthquakes around Metropolis, which turn out to be caused by Lex maniacally remote-controlling Cruiser 2 as it burrows under the city. Superman is able to prevent the monster from destroying the orphanage where his unlucky little pal Keith lives, but just being in contact with the toxic slime secreted by the bug for 20 seconds leaves him in pretty bad shape... and bald, to Lex's delight.

But Lex's victory doesn't last too long, because he ends up losing control of Cruiser 2 as it heads towards LexCorp. Superman manages to stop the monster right before it hits Lex’s building, but he realizes he can't throw this Cruiser into space like he did with the original one because the toxic slime would drip down and probably kill some people (or at the very least make them bald... wait, was that Lex's plan all along?). So, he does the opposite: pushing it through the Earth's crust into the magma below, which is a reminder that Superman is actually okay with killing if you're ugly and destructive enough. See: Doomsday.

Speaking of which, Lex is pretty sure Superman died since he's taking so long to come back from the center of the Earth, but once again he's celebrating too early.

The issue ends with Lois Lane telling Superman that she did some digging and figured out that Lex Jr. was behind Cruiser 2 because it targeted buildings LexCorp had been trying to buy via dummy corporations to build luxury high rises. And if there's one thing Lex Luthor loves, that's a real estate scam.

Character-Watch:

This issue is pretty special to me since I believe I might be responsible for one of its many cameos! When this was first announced in 2011, I told Jon Bogdanove on Twitter "Hope we see the return of Dragon Lady and/or Mildred Krantz." At the time, Mildred (the middle-aged waitress who gained Professor Hamilton's heart) hadn't appeared in a comic in almost 20 years... I think. I'm actually not sure how long it had been since she last showed up, because this blog seems to be the only website tracking all of her appearances and we're not done yet. And hey, who is that fine lady with the funky glasses visiting the Daily Planet offices?

Bog enthusiastically confirmed to me on Twitter that that's indeed Mildred. You're welcome, Krantz-fans! It’s worth noting that two other characters in the panel up there (and in a subsequent staff meeting) also hadn’t appeared since the ‘90s: Daily Planet publisher Franklin Stern and reporter Fran Johnson (EDIT: thanks to our patron Bheki Latha for informing me that Fran does have a last name!). Ron Troupe is also there but he’s lucky because he was designated as the Planet’s token black guy at one point, so he has continued appearing over the years.

And, yes, of course Bibbo shows up elsewhere in the issue -- it wouldn’t be a ‘90s Superman comic without him. He’s seen feeding some people who had to be evacuated from the subway via a mobile version of his Ace O’ Clubs bar (I hope that’s not a mug of hot beer he’s handing Lois there).

Plotline-Watch:

Placing this issue in the continuity is tricky: it obviously takes place after the fight with Lobo in Man of Steel #30 (since we see newspaper stories about it), and therefore also after Superman came back to Earth from his mini space adventure with Lobo, which happened in Man of Steel #31. HOWEVER, Lois Lane's hobo friend Charlie dies in MOS #31, yet he's very much alive in this issue. That could mean this story takes place between the pages of #31, but Lex Luthor's hair contradicts that: on the last page of that issue we learn that he's just starting to go bald, and at the start of this one he already looks like a monk. The only logical explanation is that Lex started wearing a wig after this story, or maybe got some hair plugs that fell off within a few weeks.

Lex's characterization itself is also somewhat inconsistent: in this story he's a raging maniac who doesn't give a crap about destroying Metropolis, but in upcoming issues we'll find out that his love for the city is actually his one redeeming quality. Let's chalk this up to the clone plague causing temporary mood swings. This would also explain why Clawster, the evil Underworld mutant who keeps trying to overthrow the surface world, acts a lot more reasonable than usual in this issue. I mean, he still wants to murder people, but at least now he's nice enough to warn them about it.

You might think that Superman's hair is also a continuity error, since he's bald by the end of this issue yet has gone back to the glorious "mullet" look in the stories directly after this one, but no: we learned during "Reign of the Supermen" that Kryptonians are able to grow their hair extra-fast in certain circumstances (like if they’re traveling from Antarctica to Metropolis in a giant battle armor). And, since recent issues have established that Superman's powers are going out of control (he keeps punching things too hard, using his heat vision by accident, etc.), it stands to reason that his hair should grow faster than usual too. In fact, I’m assuming that Superman is constantly having to cut his hair off-panel during these issues, or he’d look like Alan Moore.

I like the mention of Clark Kent's novels going into best-seller lists after his miraculous reappearance after being presumed dead (which happened to coincide with Superman's resurrection). One of those novels was actually the basis for a one-shot special that came out right when this issue is set, so we'll look at it soon.

Clark gets a phone call from a certain "Bruce" who tells him about some weird earthquakes that were just detected under LexCorp. That couldn't possibly be Bruce Wayne, who was too busy traveling the world looking for a cure to his Bane-related paralysis when this story takes place, so I'm gonna assume it was Mighty Bruce from the Injustice League.

It's briefly mentioned that Superboy, being a clone, "has been ill for several days." That kinda lines up with him showing his first symptoms of the clone plague in Superboy #2, which we're about to cover. We also see that the Newsboy Legion kids are sick (as mentioned in MOS #31) yet still allowed to wander around Project Cadmus in their pajamas. That is not how you contain a plague, guys.

Don Sparrow points out: "We see the Ed Sullivan Theate-esque marquee for the DCU’s David Letterman analogue 'Whitty Banter' in the background of Superman’s soaring from the Daily Planet, located on the cross-streets of (Wayne) Boring and (Otto) Binder avenues." Chronologically, that would make this issue the first appearance of the Whitty Banter Show, which I think didn't appear in the comics until 1995, though it had been an in-joke among the creative team since 1993 ("Whitty" is actually long-running colorist Glenn Whitmore).

Lois has a framed poster of Jon Bogdanove's pin-up from Action #600, his first official Superman artwork, in her apartment. What a nerd! She also has the cover for Man of Steel #66, which came out in 1997, but that isn't necessarily an anachronism (who knows, maybe the Planet has published more than one newspaper with nothing but the S-shield logo on the front page over the years).

Patreon-Watch:

This post is getting way too long, so quick shout out to Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Sam, Hank Curry, and Bol! You can join the exclusive shout out club at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99

And now, more from Don Sparrow and even more sweet Bog art from this issue!

The Death and Return of Superman (Super Nintendo/Sega Genesis, 1994)

In 1994, Blizzard Entertainment of Warcraft fame released a video game adaptation of Superman’s most exciting storyline: the one where he makes a porno with Big Barda. Wait, no, “Death of Superman”. Only it’s more like DEATHS of Superman, because I keep dying every five seconds in this game. I never saw past the third stage as a kid but, through the magic of cheating, I’ve just played through the entire game and I’m here to tell you about it.

LEVEL 1: SIEGE OF THE UNDERWORLDERS

Like all the “Death of Superman” collections, this game starts with a mostly unrelated story about the time some ugly mutants living in the sewers caused a massive blackout in Metropolis to try to take over the city.

“Now that we cut off the lights, no one will know we’re ugly!”

It’s up to Superman to solve this crisis via punching. Technically you can also shoot heat vision blasts, but all they do is stun the enemies for like 20 milliseconds, so they're pretty useless. The first level features several Underworlders from the comics as enemies, like Rambeau, another Rambeau who’s red, and several more Rambeaus who were always standing outside of frame in every issue, apparently. (To be fair, the Underworlders were originally created by Dabney Donovan’s cloning experiments at Project Cadmus, so I guess it makes sense that each one would have several spares.)

The hardest enemies in the level, however, are the boulders that occasionally fall on you out of nowhere. They instantly knock Superman down, so they must be full of kryptonite or simply magical. Forget Doomsday, I want Superman to fight the dickhead wizard who keeps teleporting boulders over his head.

Then comes the first boss, Clawster from the Underworlders, who’s a big wuss in this game. The fact that he looks a lot like Doomsday (both are big monsters with bony protrusions all over their bodies) must have been confusing to non-comic book readers. I bet a lot of people thought he was Doomsday’s little brother, thus explaining why Doomsday is so upset at Superman.

I wonder how many kids thought Clawster WAS Doomsday, assumed they'd just beaten the game, and returned it to Blockbuster. Considering how hard this thing is about to get, that might have been for the best.

LEVEL 2: DOOMSDAY IN METROPOLIS

A WLEX presenter informs us that "not even the Justice League” has been able to stop Doomsday’s march to Metropolis. Damn, if even the likes of Blue Beetle, Ice, and Bloodwynd couldn't stop him, this must be a job for Superman.

As the level starts, you're assaulted by Doomsday's classic henchmen: Chainsaw (a punk rocker with a chainsaw) and Molotov (a punk rocker who throws Molotov cocktails). Okay, they're not actually in the comic, but they SHOULD be. They spend the whole level beating the crap out of Superman, making them more powerful and effective than 90% of DC supervillains.

If you somehow manage to get past these superpowered punkers, you finally reach Doomsday, and he's tough as hell. But, if you try hard enough and beat him, you get to... die anyway. This leads to what has to be the saddest "LEVEL COMPLETE" screen in all of gaming:

"GOOD JOB! YOU’RE DEAD!”

LEVEL 3: ASSAULT ON CADMUS

After a beautiful 16-bit rendition of Jon Bogdanove's cover for the first "Death of Superman" collection...

...that WLEX presenter from before tells us that four mysterious Supermen have popped up in Metropolis. We are briefly introduced to each one, and then you get to play as the Cyborg Superman as he barges into Project Cadmus to steal Doomsday's body. These flying levels are my favorite part of the game, because they are very easy, and I’m very lazy.

Unfortunately, you then go into Cadmus and have to fight those stupid flying guards of theirs (the same ones who tried to help Superman during his fight against Doomsday in the comics). They keep shooting lasers at you from above, making it impossible to fight any other enemies while they’re up there, but they’re also hard to reach and will immediately fly back up when you knock them down. Also, there’s a crapload of them, so this gets pretty annoying. I'm surprised Doomsday didn't ragequit the fight halfway through Superman #75.

This level's boss is some weird floating robot that I've never seen in any Superman comics, and I've read like all of them (someone correct me if I'm wrong). They could have used Cadmus’ Guardian, Dubbilex, Director Westfield in a robot armor, or even the Newsboy Legion, but no, they went with this:

On the other hand, that background with all the clones is kinda neat. You can even kill the clones by throwing guards at the wall! The Cyborg's mass-murdering career had to start somewhere.

LEVEL 4: THE LAST SON OF KRYPTON

This is where the developers straight up ran out of ideas and started recycling stuff. The setting for this one is the same as level 2 (only it's night now) and the enemies are once again Chainsaw and Molotov, who are probably just distraught over the death of their good friend and mentor, Doomsday. The only fun part is that, since you're playing as the Eradicator and he has no regard for human life, you can toss these punks off buildings now.

(Actually, you could probably do this while playing as Superman too, I just didn't think to try it.)

Oh yeah, the Eradicator’s special move is kinda cool too. Specials are limited attacks that get rid of all enemies on screen. Superman punches the ground at super-speed and the Cyborg just throws some bomb, while the Eradicator does THIS and apparently scares everyone around him to death:

This level's boss is... Steel? Presumably the idea is to recreate the Eradicator/Steel fight from Man of Steel #24, but without the context, it looks like they just ran into each other on the street and started fighting.

After you beat him, Steel is all like “no, no, fighting is bad” and the Eradicator agrees, even saying they should "watch over Metropolis" together. That lasts like two seconds, because then this happens:

I didn’t cut anything, that’s the entire sequence. I'm glad the death of millions of people was depicted with such nuance and sensitivity.

And then... a lot more stuff happens, but this post is getting too long and I don’t wanna flood everyone’s dashboards, so click “keep reading” to keep reading (ALSO, NOTE: The next parts include some GIFs with flashing lights.)

Superman: The Man of Steel #17 (November 1992)

The historic first appearance of the classic Superman villain that’s a massive monster with spiky bones coming out of his body: Clawster! You know, Clawster? This guy?

Clawster, for the philistines who don’t know him, is one of the Underworlders, failed genetic experiments that the government flushed down the toilet. For years, the Underworlders were content with just chilling in the caves under Metropolis (hence their name), but recently they’ve started stealing weapons -- because they’re arming themselves to take over the surface world.

Keith the Unlucky Orphan has ended up in the hands of the Underworlders after he mistook one of them for his long-gone mother last month. The new leader of the Underworlders, an alien with giant nostrils on his forehead who got stranded on Earth during the recent Warworld invasion, tries to recruit Keith into the monster revolution (come on, kid’s not that ugly), but Keith rejects this kind offer.

(I can’t remember if this guy has a name, so I’m gonna call him Nostrilhead.)

Meanwhile, Superman has been tracking down the stolen weapons and arrives just in time to save Keith from getting clawster’d by Clawster. Before escaping, the other Underwarworlders tell Keith they’ll kill his mom if he tells Superman about their plans -- apparently, they expect Supes to think they were gathering all those guns to stage a Civil War reenactment. The point is, the kid is safe, his mom is still missing, and the uglies can’t start their revolution yet. THE END!

Oh, wait, one more thing: the issue ends with some panels of someone punching a metal wall.

Weeeeird.

Character-Watch:

So, yeah, that last page is officially Doomsday’s first appearance (or his fist’s, anyway), and the reason why this issue goes for as much as $300 on eBay. That, or all those people are big fans of the Underworlder who’s a blue guy with the head of a ram. According to the Death and Return of Superman video game I played on Super Nintendo, his name is “Rambeau” and there’s like 20 of them.

As for Clawster, I remember mentioning him before and assuming he was an alien Warworlder, and others on the Internet seem to agree, but in this issue it’s pretty clear he’s one of the failed genetic experiments. Then again, there’s so many of these characters that it’s possible the writers got confused and started writing him as an alien in future issues.

Plotline-Watch:

The Underworlder Keith mistakes for his mom, a hypnotic lizard lady called Kathana, mentions she’s working for someone called “Blood-Thirst” who apparently likes eating children. We’ll meet that delightful character (minus the hyphen) in about a year. About this scene, Don Sparrow says: “Never forget, underground stew chefs -- carrots really add a needed zest to your cockroach-and-clothed-boy soup recipes.”

At one point we see Clawster stealing guns from a group of drug dealers -- but where did some street thugs get such advanced gear in the first place? The answer, of course, is that every gun in the DC Universe looks like a sci-fi weapon, but I’m choosing to see this as foreshadowing for an upcoming storyline about a certain John Henry...

There’s also a plotline about a panhandler named Charlie that Lois Lane has befriended, who ends up gleefully joining the Underwarworlder revolution along with other hobos. What makes Metropolis’ homeless population so susceptible to being recruited by supervillains?

Perhaps more alarmingly, why does Jimmy Olsen seem so surprised that Lois knows Charlie’s name, when he not only had a homeless friend, but recently became one himself?! I take back my previous question: it’s because of people like Jimmy that hobos in Metropolis turn evil.

More insights and commentary from our resident shameless Jimmy Olsen-defender, Don Sparrow, after the jump!