#ck spoiler

Does anybody know how to do italics and bullet points and stuff like that on ao3?? I can't figure it out and want to post this and some of my other fics make more sense with italics. Help pls

Wylan Van Eck has anxiety

(that’s basically canon poor baby)

And he needs to physically do something/touch something/someone to help ground himself

(like me lol I love self inserting)

So he started reaching for the crows

Especially when he got comfortable with them

It started with Nina

Kaz is lecturing them about something or other and Wylan’s chest is getting tight

Next thing he knew he was playing the flute fingerings of his favorite songs on her arm

She didn’t say anything but when he realized what happened, got flustered, and pulled away, she grabbed his hand, squeezed, and smiled

He took it as the permission it was

For a while she was the only one he’d let it happen with

Matthias, surprisingly, was next

We knowww wolf boi pays attention to anything and everything happening with Nina

So he knows immediately what’s happening

So Wylan gets a little fidgety and the only available people are Matthias and Kaz…

Well Matthias takes pity on him

And basically just thrusts his arm into Wylan’s space

Wylan just stares at him for a while but eventually takes the hint and just latches like some kind of ginger koala

Inej is third

They’re alone together on a rooftop, watching Kaz make a deal

Wylan’s breathing gets a little uneven

Inej notices immediately

Because that’s what she does

And flips her hand over, palm up, in front of him

Waits until he tentatively lifts his hand

And laces their fingers together

They hold hands (Wylan clinging to her so tight his hands turn white but she doesn’t complain) until Kaz finishes the deal and calls for them

Jesper was fourth

Now, homeboy, Jesper Fahey, notices all of this

Wylan now has 3 out of 5 other crows that he grabs onto at random moments throughout the day

And Jesper isn’t stupid

He sees when Wylan gets anxious

And he wants Wylan to grab onto him

But Jesper’s Jesper and Wylan’s painfully gay for him and that is just a line he will not cross no sir

But after they discover Marya and Jesper helped Wylan through his panic attack, Wylan starts thinking that maybe he could

Jesper hasn’t wanted to say anything like “You know you can touch me right” Because despite his bravado Jesper just wants Wylan to like him so he’s kinda scared that he did something

He didn’t, of course

Wylan’s just a big gay mess in a tiny body

But one-day Wylan’s more anxious than he normally is when he grabs onto the other crows and he loves them but Inej, Nina or Matthias isn’t who he needs at the moment

And Jesper’s right there

So Wylan curls a hand around Jesper’s wrist and just holds

And Jesper froze but he hasn’t pulled away

So Wylan lets himself tug a little and tighten his grip

And rides it out

(Another day Wylan started accidentally drumming a song onto Jesper’s thigh and his brain hasn’t let him forget it)

Eventually when Wylan and Jesper get together, reaching for Jesper becomes a thing he does even when he isn’t anxious

But when the nightmares get bad

He claws out in their bed for Jesper and doesn’t let go for hours

And the morning after those nights

He hugs whichever of them is available (Nina or Inej) very very tightly

And then we have Kaz

Kaz ‘Dirtyhands’ Brekker

Who can’t stand physical touch

But he has a soft spot for his son Wylan

So they’re sitting next to each other

And Wylan starts flexing his hands

He’s agitated

And Kaz wants to offer his arm the way he’s seen Matthias, Nina, Inej and Jesper do

But he can’t do that

So he hands Wylan his cane

It’s a big gesture

Kaz doesn’t let anybody touch his cane

And Wylan doesn’t care that it’s not skin

It’s an extension of Kaz

Basically a part of him

And that’s enough

So he wraps his hand around the crow at the top so tightly some drops of blood slide down his palms and just breathes

And Kaz is watching him out of the corner of his eye

Making sure Wylan his cane is ok

Years later, Kaz can actually offer Wylan his arm this time