#cjournal

happy new year!! as i look forward at this new year and a new semester starting in 14 days, i figured i’d get all my thoughts out now in one big awfully written word vomit of a post. so yee haw.

i’ve definitely grown a lot this past year (or more specifically, this past semester) in a way that both fills me with pride and frustration. pride because i have switched a lot of things around and evolved from my awful high school habits, but also a lot of anger/annoyance at not making the change earlier in my academic career. i didn’t do bad, so to speak, but i could’ve easily done better/been amongst the best for very minimal extra effort if i had only applied myself. sometime i wonder where i could’ve gone if i had. 

these habits then carried over into the beginning of my first semester at college. like, a 4.0 was in my grasp but there were a few assignments in a few classes that i didn’t do in the beginning of the semester because i was disorganized and not putting in the effort i needed to. that’ll always get me the most -- that i had it in me but i just didn’t do it -- but now i know what i know and i’ll do better this semester. can’t do anything but go up.

now that i know what i’m doing academically (i hope), i really want to get involved in more things this semester and reach out to more people. i have my sorority, but i never really reached out to anyone or did anything beyond what i had to this last semester. 2019 is the year of joining clubs, reaching out to people, and challenging myself!! i wanna fill my days with activities and friends. i wanna be exhausted at the end of the day because i gave it everything i had. i honestly want to feel a little overwhelmed so i can learn how to deal with it. 

this past semester was fine, but it made me realize i’m happier with a task and a goal in front of me. now’s the time to try new things and grow as a person, so i don’t want to waste it ya feel. this also means i need to force myself to stay off social media and be present, focus on my life instead of fixating on the lives of others. social media is fake anyways so it really shouldn’t matter to me anymore.

finally, i’m actually attempting to figure out tumblr again, so i opened up my ask box and my submissions. i didn’t even know either was closed until i tried seeing if the link worked in my theme lol whoops. so feel free to ask me anything!