#cirurgy

Goretober 23

At the age of 8, I came home from a study trip and my parents noticed that I was not only pale but very, very… very tired.

So, they decided to take me to the central hospital. At that time, my father was  a neurosurgeon (he retired recently) and talked with his colleagues from the pediatrics department. Instantly they made me an x-ray.

I waited in a room with a large window and could see they walking from one side to the other… with my x-ray on their hands.

I could feel “something is wrong”.

Now I know, I had a total left lung collapse.

                     [here's an illustration]

Then, some hours passed and I was with my serum on my hand. I have a blackout from this time till night. Maybe it wasn’t night but it felt like night. The room was small and I had nobody there, only my father and a black (or lightless window behind him).

Doctors and nurses got in and they put me a green curtain between my face and my left side of the thorax (I couldn't see a thing). My father was on my right side, he could see what was happening. The things a remember the most from this moment was crying and begging father to stop, like it was his fault or it was in his hands… Of course it wasn’t but at the time I didn’t had any God to call, only my father. I begged and squeezed my father's hand as much as I could.

 After 16 years, I still remember crystal clear this moment and the pain itself.

After that, I could see, they inserted a tube to drain “something” from my lung. I couldn’t move much not to interfere with the tube… At night, probably the first (I don’t remember how many nights I was there), a newborn baby was moved to my room, I was at the intensive care and only understood that when the baby was there.

He didn’t move or cried. I was very worried and vigilant because his or her parents could be there… Imagine your first days without your mother.

When I woke up from the first night, some nurse was yelling because I moved too much while asleep. How could I control my sleep? I was 8 (not even today I could...). The tube got a little out and the doctor told not to worry. Only more tap was applied... always tap more... lol, looks like a joke but it felt like one.

New blackout in my memory. I definitely don't remember having the doctors removing this tube, only having two scares: one from the tube and the other from the anesthesia (forever).  

I got home and my grandparents were there. They lived 50 km away and never had slept in our home. This was the time. I was happy and playful. Like nothing was happening.

At night, my father told me “put this in your hand during the night and you won’t feel they put you again the serum”. I woke up, got a bag with clothes and my father drove me to the hospital once again. I remember looking at my hand and see my skin wizened and soft from the “thing” he attached in my left hand.

I was put in a bed and they gave me some kind of liquid and pills. After that, I was in the bed, looking to some cartoons on the wall of a corridor and fell asleep.

Next images I had... were probably imagination, I don’t know… Because I remember one nurse, or what ever it was, telling me “stand still, I can’t put you the serum”, but I was sure that was already asleep… So… I don’t know.

Some hours got me, more than 6 hours passed in surgery. A huge part of my left lung was removed - from a little girl body, tiny little girl body with curly hair and hazel eyes. That was me, waiting to wake up.

  …To be continued.