things that have been on my mind lately:
lesbianism. why is this sexuality currently in vogue? especially among women of the beloit college women's soccer team, past and present?
loneliness. finding people to hang out with is easy. finding real friends is hard. really, really hard.
the love/hate relationship i currently have with fortuna. i am an educated, ambitious, motivated, and socially adept 20-something. i should have the world at its knees. my resumé would make any high-school junior weep with envy. instead of doing anything meaningful or substantive with my experiences and talents, the ill-humored wench has spun me to a dead-end job bartending ($+ and <3) and BUSSING along with 14-year olds and illegal immigrants in door county, wisconsin. i'm sitting in a shitty chocolaterie/espresso bar (called "the chocolate chicken," and complete with its own line of colorful and disgusting t-shirts) because the shithole house i was assigned to doesn't have access to the interweb. ironically, after just regaining a bananular after 6 months of mobile incontinence, my house is a cellular deadspot. this is not how or where i envisioned spending my early twenties.
family. i went to wisconsin 5 years ago and found the brother i've always had but had never really known. this week he left the state as I drove five hours north, and now unless we make a conscious effort to keep in touch and stay close, he's in danger of disappearing again.
love. the future. dreams, wishes, hopes. i re-caught the travel bug and i am itching to get out of the country. europe, i hated you and myself equally when i lived there. but the unbearable feeling of lightness that i got sometimes, usually when i stopped everything and just felt in the most beautiful of places when i traveled is harder and harder to find here. i'm hoping that the yoga classes i'm enrolling in will help me find balance, being, and a stability i think i've lost in the past few months.
