#circlesurrogacy

Good news! I got a profile! Well, actually, I got 2. But one of them didnt like me. lol :( I'll tell you the story. 

So a couple of weeks ago, I got a profile of a very nice couple. Young, attractive, very nice. I really liked the profile, but I got my hopes up and they turned mine down. When I asked why, they said that they were concerned because I wasnt 100% fully committed to a church or part of a congregation. (Because thats what it takes to carry a healthy baby) I know I sound a little bitter about it, and to be honest it was a little disheartening, like a little punch in the gut. Im a good person, and I do A LOT of community service with different organizations. Do I really have to go to church every Sunday to make it worth your while? Eh, I digress. Its probably for the best, because I got another profile the other day that I like SOOOO much better. I get to meet them on Skype tonight, and Im really excited about it. 

Wish me luck that we like each other!!

So it may seem to the outside world that I am all sunshine and rainbows and that I don't have thoughts of doubt while going through this process, but that's simply not the case. Let me explain.

This process is nerve wracking and scary and anxiety filled. The idea that my body will be in control of someone elses child (or children), is scary. While I am SO happy with my daughter and that I have her, I am only 27. I DO want more babies eventually and there ARE risks with this process. IVF is not "natural" and I have to inject my body with drugs every day for months. I could have to have a C-Section. I could lose my uterus. There are LOTS of things that are scary. 

Things seem to be flying by for now. Jake flew through his phone interviews with flying colors, and we started and completed our commitment letter! That was a little intimidating, talking about fees and money, but at the same time it makes me really grateful that I'm doing this through an agency and not independent, because then everything that I went through would have had to have been done face to face with the IPs, which would have been extremely awkward. So Im glad thats over with.

I still have to take my MMPI (which Im told is just a really weird test full of awkward true or false questions to determine if you are crazy or not) But Alicia told me that I could possibly get a profile tomorrow!! So Im pretty excited about that. Although, I thought I had to take the crazy test first, so maybe thats not likely. Oh well, either way, Im still excited and at this point happy with my decision to bring life into a families beautiful existence! 

More tomorrow!

XOXOX

So, I guess Im done with everything on my end for now, Jake has his phone interview today and tomorrow. We got it so that he can do 2 instead of 1 long one, that way he can split it up on his lunch breaks. 

I was told that I could get an IP (Intended Parent) profile before the end of this week! That makes me really nervous. 

Also, when I talked to Alicia on the phone she said that the nearest place to me that would do my blood work and Beta testing is about an hour from where I live, and these will be on work days (mostly.) I have to be at work at 8:30am so I will have to leave there by 7:30am to make it to work on time. They do 6:45 appointments, but then I will have to leave the house by 5:45 to get there on time! MAN! That is early. and these appointments will be weekly, for at least 4 weeks if I remember correctly. 

Wish me luck!!

I just spent an hour last night typing out a VERY long blog post. I just deleted it all. 

Why? Well because it wasnt so much a blog post as it was a diary entry. I want to try and keep this space for exciting (or not so much) and informative information and life related things for my surro followers. 

With that said, I'll go into some other stuff. 

Number 1. My phone interview with Alicia

So I spent 3 hours basically talking to a girlfriend I felt I had known forever. The phone interview I had was with a woman named Alicia and it was seriously the best time. Maybe its because I have had a pretty easy going life or the fact that I tend to enjoy talking about myself but, she made a 3 hour phone call fly by. We spent the whole time laughing (mainly at my expense) and just enjoying each others company. It's obviously her job to make me feel comfortable and get me to talk about myself, my medical history and so on but she sounded pretty young on the phone (you can tell that by someones voice, right?) and she (even though she didnt talk about herself) made me feel like I could really relate to her. It was just a really fun and easy conversation. I would tell first time surros that are nervous about this part (like I was) not to be. It wasnt like a job interview where they ask you certain questions and expect a certain answer or else you could get reprimanded and NOT get said job. She made me feel like she genuinely wanted to know how I felt about things and my opinions. She wanted to get to know my as a person and got excited about the things that I got excited about. I hope shes the social worker I get to work with throughout this whole journey, but if not, Im sure the next one will be just as great.

Number 2 (my inner child just came out, I giggled as I wrote "number 2" and wondered if anyone else would do the same, or if Im really just that immature. LOL (I would guess the latter)

Anywhooo...Number DOS. (see what I did there?) is my husband. Hes nervous, and rightfully so. Pregnancy is a big deal. Its scary and its hard on the body. Hes asked me to seriously seriously consider all of the risks associated with this process and that if in a day or two Im still just as excited about it as I was when I started that he will back me 100%. So Im trying my best to step back a little bit and take a breath. Im trying to think of all of the things that COULD go wrong and weigh the options. However, what my darling husband doesnt understand is that I have already done this. While I DO consider myself a very giving and sensitive person, I wouldnt put myself in the position to give someone anything I thought would be at the expense of my life. I trust my OBGYN 100% (shes sassy, and not the kind to stroke an ego. If shes not comfortable with something or feels like something is wrong, she acts on it.) She brought all 3 of my sisters living children into the world and (unfortunately) 1 that even she wasnt able to save. Not to mention my own daughter. (obviously) She is amazing. and I DO NOT think that she would ever allow me to put myself in danger. I feel like medical advancement has come far enough to keep my life out of danger. Im tall, and Im pretty strong. I feel like my body is in the best shape that it has been in years. In fact I KNOW it is. with other surgeries, I heal very quickly and dont scar easily. I feel like if anyone is made for this, its me. Im low risk. and because of this, Im ready. and Im STILL excited. What can I say? Im an optimist. 

More later! 

xoxoxoxox

Ok, so I felt like things were taking forever because I was so excited and I had waited like, a WHOLE week (LOL) to hear back about getting my medical records and such, plus I was having a small amount of difficulty getting my entire EOB book from my insurance, but I finally got that and sent it in, they have my records and now Im counting down the minutes until my interviewer calls me for my almost 3 hour telephone conversation/interview. From what I have been told its just a very extensive conversation about your entire life so that they can get information about you to make up your profile for IPs to get and look through! 

I had a call yesterday about my interest with the SPAR program (Special Program of Assisted Reproduction) witch is basically a program to help couples with at least one of them being HIV+ have babies! 

To be honest this was never a concern to me. It never came to my mind that this would be an issue, because I was never concerned about not helping someone that needed help. If a SPAR couple comes to me and we clique, I want to help them the same as I would any other couple. As long as there is no risk to me or the child (which I am reassured there is not) I have no concern about what the couple has had to endure before we met. If they are thriving enough to survive without me, I can only hope they will thrive with me. 

I cant wait for my interview!!!

Wish me luck that they dont think Im TOO crazy!!

xoxoxoxox

Yaaaaaay! Great news! I talked to Ruby today and she told me that all of my medical records have been approved and that all they are waiting on are my insurance EOB booklet to compare match options. She said that they are going to contact me for my phone interview soon!!! I'm so excited! I cant wait to start looking through profiles and finding people to help!!