#ciel phantomive

It's a terrible occurrence, one that you don't want to share with Ciel, as he has a lot on his plate right now. He lost his entire family and sold his soul to have revenge.

You felt powerless. Your only friend were slipping by your fingers as the time ran by, as the clouds chased each other in the sky, and the sun shone bright in the horizon, it was clear as the day that started again that you could do nothing to help him but be there for him at every step of his revenge, even if you felt a bitter taste on your mouth.

Your heart ached at that. In the end, he would just disappear, consumed by the demon he called Sebastian. The demon you helped him name it.

The demon you helped him make rules to chain him.

People are born and die every day. It's an endless cycle perpetuated by mortality. Yet, you had nobody but him, and the uncertainty that time was not on your side. He could stay by your side for more five months, two years or ten more seconds. The Fates were cruel.

"You smell of sadness, My Lady." Observed the demon, appearing suddenly out of nowhere. "Perhaps I could be of some assistance?"

Smug smile upon his lips, as he tilted his head to the side trying to see what you were exactly painting that day - a hobby you had taken to quite recently, each stroke painting the anguish and hopelessness you felt squeezing your throat every time you wanted to cry about how unfair everything was.

How time seemed to not be enough. How little everything seemed to be.

"How frivolous and superfluous life is, Sebastian," you answered him, and that seemed to be enough. He had seen a lot, and lived a lot; if someone could understand everything you weren't saying.

It was him.

"Aren't you wasting time hiding yourself here instead of spending time with him?" He asked, insolently and full of reason. His tone was sharp as he stared down at you as one would stare at a dead bug.

It was the truth. One bitter truth, yet your movements stilled and you turned to look at him with a furrow and a sigh.

"I..." anything sounded too silly for a reply, an excuse.

But that didn’t mean that you wanted to admit that he was right and that he just rubbed salt over your wounds. "Go away, demon, go pester your master."

He giggled, and bowed like a saint.

"As you wish, my lady."

"You wander these halls like a scaredy-cat, always haunted, always lost," Ciel voices his concerns one day, rather than question your evasive behavior, during lunch. "I can see the worry in your eyes but I'm not dead yet."

A chill goes down your spine as you sit upright, rigid, as he too had learned how to read between the lines of your frown and your scowl - he was deadly bad at it when you were children, though. Deep down, you wished for these days to come back, for you to wake up from this nightmarish scenario, above all, you wished that nothing had changed.

"Oh, sure, Ciel, let me pretend that everything's alright," you shrugged, feeling small under his stare. And his conformity with his demise angered you like nothing else could.

You were angry when you got kidnapped, when these men poured cold water over you. You were angry that they forced food down your throat. And you were furious when they dragged Ciel out of his cell and stabbed him.

But you were more tired than angry these days.

You wheezed.

"Can you blame me for mourning for my friend?" You asked him, softly.

And Ciel took your hands on him, rubbing the skin with a gentleness that he swore was impossible, as he had too much blood on his fingers, hands, and arms. He was not good and he'd do anything for his revenge, but for you, he had a hidden soft spot.

Ciel would linger outside your bedroom door at his free time, not sure what to say, what to do to take your pain with him, but wanting to help in any way he could.

He would ask Sebastian to make your favorite dish often, for him to keep an eye on you and help you navigate your feelings. And sometimes, he would sneak out with you to walk around the city, without letting Sebastian follow both of you, even if he knew that the demon was always nearby anyway.

He showed you in his little ways that he cared for you and that he was grateful for your support.

"You're mourning a person who is alive," he replied, staring deeply into your eyes. "And in doing so, you forget to make new memories and to live by my side. Don't kill me just yet, silly you."

Ciel giggled softly - the sound was rare, almost forgotten in your mind. And your heart seemed to melt hearing it, a relief that despite everything he was still himself. Still strong, still fierce.

Still living.

"Forget my pact, forget my death," he didn't ask. Ciel was ordering, commanding you with a steel will. "You have to live, you have to enjoy every second spent living. If you still can't do it for yourself, then do it for me. That's all I ask of you."

Selfish brat, you think with a smile. And this time it's a genuine one.

He suffered a lot, but he was the same. And he knew you wouldn't find it in yourself to deny him of his little wish, even if you couldn't see things his way, even if accepting of his decision and resigning yourself to it was something you couldn't do.

But living and experiencing everything for his sake? That was something you could do.

You could enjoy the soft sun rays, the taste of tea, a cake, and petting a cute cat, playing with the crows behind the manor. You could experience love in the future, find yourself immersed in a book, and try something new, if nothing else. All of those things that you were depriving yourself of doing.

"With one condition," you counterpoint, sipping from your tea as you stare at him. "I know that you worry about me a lot, and you're always leaving me behind. So if I have to live for you, you can't send me away. I get to be by your side till death do us part."

It sounded like a reasonable deal in your opinion.