Loads of cleaning/ decluttering these days, again. I’m happier with the decisions I’ve been making with this -all except anything else that has to do with my life (aka sleep + eating..). I hope I can stick to the things I have in my mind.. it’s going to be a long road.

Bittersweet? I don’t know how to describe the feeling besides nostalgic, but it’s not as if I am actively thinking about it and trying to do so.

English post? for the first time in ages.

I am doing a time-trip, as I try to burry my feelings of guilt for not sleeping early. Ever felt as if the music you listen to takes the form of an entity that can sit next to you and you can lie on it, as it softly strokes your hair to fall asleep..? 

Kinda miss youtube when people were recording themselves playing the piano with their phones or any decent-for-it’s-time camera they could find. The videos felt honest, self-indulgent and full of love. Not that this isn't happening now, but I feel sometimes that everything becomes a product instead of just a window to enjoy something for a moment, as if they allow you to stand on a corner of their drawer, silently, and watch them as they immerse themselves in the keys of the instrument and make magic. To breathe in the melody..

Maybe I have a biased opinion as I’ve come to have mixed feelings (to negative) towards social media. I had a thought that I connected the completion of a piece; it happens when it goes online and people can see. I don’t feel this way anymore.. hmm. Everything we create is cool. Sharing is even cooler. People can live from doing what they love. I wish, however, it was stress-free. Can’t have it all right.

These days I don’t sleep too well. I have this feeling keeping me up of wanting to do things. Wouldn’t name it insomnia, but I am -again- not actively trying to figure it out. As if my heart wants to create, but it’s past bed-time so I am not allowed to. Isn’t it already 5am.. I guess I enjoy silence. But I also enjoy the sun.

I’ll try fixing it again.

It is to my knowledge that sleep affects mood tremendously. It’s not very good to stay here longer. I’ll push myself to do better.

Thank you anyone, for reading this. I don’t mean to sound negative, I am not really. I’d just say confused, maybe a bit nostalgic, but all is well, I promise. Just trying to figure some things out and throwing thoughts here, as most times.