#chuckya

...but Chuckyas do! Big, Bob-omb-like, with arms for throwing Marios. King Bob-omb seems like he could be a stronger, more refined model of Chuckya! Chuckyas are absolutely robotic, so this does make a good case for the King being such, as well!

Could a robot have such a magnificent mustache, though? Yes, a robot could. Even standard Bob-ombs are capable of having mustaches, as are creatures made of ice, and also this is a silly cartoon world. So yes, I think a robot could have a mustache.

Mecha King Bob-omb

Now HERE's the thing that got me thinking of this in the first place! Mecha King Bob-omb, from Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope. This is a robotic version of King Bob-omb... hm. This IS obviously a robotic replica based on him, and there's no reason a robot based on another robot couldn't exist, but that WOULD make the "Mecha" title pretty weird! Is the original king mechanical or what? I guess the "Mecha" could also be referring to this version being a pilotable mecha, unlike the real version, which is a Guy. This brings up questions, and answers none!

The Big Dud

Finally, the last possibility of King Bob-omb's origins. If you are aware of the Super Mario 64 Iceberg, you are aware of the Big Dud theory! After Big Bob-omb (as he is known in 64) is defeated, an additional metal ball will be rolling around at the base of the mountain, and a Bob-omb Buddy will declare that the Big Bob-omb is nothing but a big dud now. This has led some to believe that the additional cannonball might be Big Bob-omb himself, made inanimate upon his defeat!

And then THIS gets me thinking about Power Stars. They do weird things to Mario creatures! I think it is likely King Bob-omb could have been created BECAUSE of the Power Star he holds. Maybe he was an ordinary Bob-omb enhanced into a new, regal form by the Star, or maybe he even was an ordinary inanimate metal ball, chosen to be extra resilient compared to his subjects! You know, in 64, he doesn't even explode like a Bob-omb. Is he a FRAUD? (No, he explodes in other games)

Final thoughts

So, after all this analysis, is King Bob-omb a robot or what? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. No one knows. This guy is weird! He can fly with no effort if thrown off the mountain. When killed, he congratulates Mario for killing him and invites him to do it again sometime. If I HAD to come to a conclusion... I would say he is technically robotic, but that's not something the designers/developers actually ever have or had in mind, and is just a result of being a Bob-omb.

Luigi stood in front of the hole in the airship. He knew he couldn’t; he knew he shouldn’t. But yet, something in his heart said that he had to. He must. Luigi jumped into the air, slowly fluttering down by kicking his legs, and landed in the hole. Inside of the hole was a cannon. The cannon raised itself, Luigi inside of it, and aimed itself before firing. Luigi flew through the rainbow ring, and then, he grabbed onto a flagpole. He looked down, and there, he saw him: the hunkiest hunk to ever hunk. There, he saw Chuckya.

Luigi admired Chuckya’s round, perfectly spherical body, with an amethyst hue that shone in the sunlight. His diamond orbs were full of passion, and his ball-like antenna was as red as a cherry: and it looked good enough to eat too. Perhaps the boxing gloves he wore on his hands weren’t the most welcoming, but Luigi didn’t mind it. He knew what it was like to wear gloves all the time and be ostracized from society because of it. The Toads of the Mushroom Kingdom never treated him with kindness. To them, he was always “green Mario” or “the green man.” Even Princess Peach didn’t respect him. Maybe he didn’t put in as much work as Mario, but he still helped. A “thank you” or even a tiny slice of cake would be nice every once in a while. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Peach was always going to prefer Mario to him. It was a blessing in some ways, but a curse in others. Luigi may not have been interested in Peach, but he wanted someone to love, and there was something irresistibly charming about that Chuckya.

“No,” Luigi thought, clinging to the flagpole like he clung to heteronormativity, “I can’t.”

Like Romeo’s feelings for Juliet, Luigi knew his feelings for Chuckya were forbidden. After all, Chuckya worked for the enemy, that fearsome foe Bowser. Sure, Chuckya may not have been Bowser, but what would Mario think? Mario was a great older brother, but like all great older brothers, he was prone to worrying about his little brother. Bowser was always up to no good, which gave Mario reason to think that Chuckya was also always up to no good. Besides, Luigi was always being bullied in the Mushroom Kingdom by those callous Toads. What would they think if he came back with Chuckya? Mario would at least give him a chance, but the Toads would never do something so kind. Luigi could come back with someone as harmless as one of those pink female Goombas, who could easily be crushed underneath one’s feet, and the Toads would still relentlessly bully Luigi for it. Unlike a Goomba, however, Chuckya could very easily fight back. He was known for his violent tendencies. He would pick up people and throw them in a random direction of his choice: Mario knew this firsthand. It was why he told Luigi to stay away from Chuckya. But yet, Luigi was the moth to the flame that was Chuckya. Chuckya’s magnetic personality drew Luigi closer.

Eventually, Luigi decided he had to make his move. He slid down the flagpole, catching Chuckya’s attention. Chuckya scratched his head.

“What are you doing here?” Chuckya asked, even though he had no mouth.

“Oh! Um, well, I, uh,” Luigi stuttered.

“Whatever,” Chuckya said, “I’m on duty. And now, it’s chucking time.”

Chuckya slid towards Luigi and picked him up. He held him firmly yet gently in his boxing glove-covered hands. Luigi could tell that Chuckya wasn’t going to drop him. He felt so secure in his hands. Maybe one day, he could feel this same way again, and Chuckya could have less violent intentions.

Chuckya turned around and tossed Luigi through the rainbow ring as if he were a basketball. Luigi soared through the air like a green-clad missile before landing back on the airship.

“Oof!” Luigi cried; his eyes were wide like saucers, and his jaw was clenched.

Luigi stood up and dusted off his overalls before jumping back into the cannon hole. Luigi shot back through the rainbow ring and grabbed onto the flagpole once more. Chuckya looked up and gasped.

“How did you get back here?” Chuckya asked, surprised.

“It’s very easy,” Luigi said, “but since you’re throwing me like I’m a ragdoll, maybe it’sa best I don’t tell you.”

“Fair point,” Chuckya replied, crossing his arms.

Luigi slid down the flagpole once more, and Chuckya sighed.

“Look, man,” Chuckya began, “I’m on duty, and my job is to chuck people. If I chuck ‘em away, the big guy pays me the good money, and the good money pays better than any other job. If you come back again, I’ll have to tell him, and he might fire me. I’m already struggling to make rent, and if I get fired… I don’t know what’ll happen to me.”

“Oh,” Luigi said, “why can’t you just lie to him?”

“I’m not a good liar,” Chuckya explained, “and besides, the big guy doesn’t like liars.”

“Oh… that’s so sad…”

Chuckya’s eyes grew softer, but he couldn’t let himself go soft. The only thing the big guy hated more than liars was softies. He rapidly shook his head and put on a fake glare.

“I don’t need your pity!” he shouted.

“Oh, I’mma sorry,” Luigi replied, cowering, “but… do you want my pity?”

“What?” Chuckya asked, raising an eyelid.

“Do you want my pity, Chuckya?”

Chuckya sighed and crossed his arms. A single, shiny teardrop rolled down his face.

“Well, I didn’t know anyone would ever feel bad for me,” he explained, “it’s just… I hate being a minion. Sure, I’m good at chucking things. I was great at the shot put back in high school, but chucking things isn’t all that I want to do with my life. I wanna see the world, go backpacking, meet a nice person and settle down when I feel I’ve done enough, and then, I could open a gym or something.”

“Oh, you have-a so many dreams,” Luigi said.

“Oh, I got tons of dreams,” Chuckya replied, “it’s just that I was born as the wrong species in the wrong kingdom. Maybe I’d be traveling right now if I was a Toad born in the Mushroom Kingdom. Instead, I was born a Chuckya in the Bowser Kingdom…”

It was at this moment that Luigi knew what he had to do. He ran up to Chuckya and embraced him tightly. Chuckya gasped.

“What are you doing?” Chuckya asked.

“I’m giving you a hug,” Luigi explained.

Chuckya didn’t know how to feel about this new form of touch. Chuckya lived in Bowser’s Kingdom, where hugging was forbidden; the turtle king didn’t want to promote kindness in his army of coldblooded killers. Yet this hug, as Luigi called it, felt so nice. Chuckya didn’t want it to end, but if Bowser found out that he had hugged someone he was supposed to chuck, he could lose his livelihood. Chuckya groaned, causing Luigi to let go of him.

“Oh, I’mma sorry,” Luigi said.

“No, it’s alright,” Chuckya replied, “I’m sorry. I… actually really appreciated the hug. It’s just… oh, what’s the big guy gonna think? He hates hugs!”

“Oh, well, that shell of his definitely would make hugging hard,” Luigi suggested with a giggle.

“No, no, it’s not even that. He doesn’t like it when his employees get… affectionate. We have to be able to stop Mario at a moment’s notice, we don’t have time to be nice!”

“Oh no. I never realized how badly you guys had it.”

“I just want to do more with my life! There has to be more to life than chucking for minimum wage!”

“Do you want to run away with me, Chuckya?”

“What?”

“I want more in life too, Chuckya.”

“Really? You live in the Mushroom Kingdom! It has to be great over there, especially since you’re one of its heroes!”

“Not to the Toads I’m not. They just see me as Mario’s annoying little brother. They call me ‘green Mario’ and get upset whenever they see me. The princess doesn’t treat me much better. I’m not entitled to love just because I help save her, but I don’t even get a ‘thank you’ most of the time. I never get a slice of cake. I don’t know what her cakes taste like. Mario is my only friend, but sometimes he’s so busy he doesn’t even have time to say ‘hi’ to me.”

“Aw, that is sad… maybe the Mushroom Kingdom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either.”

“Yeah. We should find somewhere else to be. Somewhere where we don’t have to worry about this silly game that Mario and Bowser play. Somewhere where we can just… be. Somewhere where I don’t have to be the sidekick, and somewhere where you don’t have to be the guy who chucks people.”

“You know what? Let’s do it. If the big guy sends people to find me, I’m gonna tell ‘em to shove a stick up his-”

Before Chuckya could finish his unclean thoughts, Luigi put a finger over his mouth.

“Don’t,” he said softly, “this story’s-a rated G.”

“Oh,” Chuckya replied, “good point.”

Luigi looked down from the cobblestone platform.

“I might need a little help getting down,” Luigi explained.

“I can carry you,” Chuckya offered.

“Oh, I’da like that,” Luigi said.

With that, Chuckya picked up Luigi, as if he were going to chuck him. However, he didn’t throw him. Instead, he slid to the edge of the cobblestone platform and jumped off. Holding Luigi tightly, though not tightly enough to crush him, the two flew through the air, landing on green grass. Chuckya set Luigi down, took off his cap, and ruffled his hair gently, making the green-clad plumber laugh. Chuckya set Luigi’s cap back on his head and offered him his hand. Luigi took it, and together, they ran as far away from the Mushroom Kingdom as they could. Chuckya finally had someone who understood what it was like to want more in life, and Luigi finally had Chuckya’s heart, and he knew now that he wouldn’t go chucking it.

APRIL FOOLS!