A follow up to my last post on spelling. I'm a big advocate on reforming English spelling and grammar so that it makes more sense and follows pronunciation more. Fewer silly rules and exceptions. More universal rules.
The Letter "C"
Sometimes it makes an "s" sound (circus), other times it makes a "k" sound. Make up your mind! It should be mostly removed from English. The only time it should be used is with a combination of "ch".
Examples:
Old --------------- My way
Circus. Sircus
Chronological Kronological
Cupcake Kupcake
Cheddar Cheddar
Chronological makes even less sense than most words, since it has a "ch" which is pronounced like a "k". Pronounced as it's written it would be Chuh-ron-o-logical.
The Letter "Q"
I love the letter "Q". I really do. It's a really nice looking letter. So I'm more hesitant to replace this letter. However, it really does just make a "Kw" sound.
Quebec
Kwebek
Question
Kwestion
I don't know. I still rather like "Q".
But it looks wrong!"
That's just because you're used to it. There's no "right" or "wrong" merely "agreed upon". Rules for spelling and grammar are completely made up. They're standards that have been proposed and then accepted. All I'm saying is that we should propose new rules. Rules that make more sense.
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The Enterprise is in orbit around Relva VII, where a Starfleet Academy placement test is being held. None other than Wesley Crusher is one of four finalists (by the skin of his teeth; he actually won't be the required age of 16 until next month), and naturally he's nervous. His competition is Mordock, a famous Benzite scientist Wes is surpised wasn't already an officer; T'Shanik, a Vulcan female (and the first appearance of a Vulcan in TNG), and a cute human girl named Oliana Mirren. Clearly, failure is the only option here: if Wesley gets accepted to the Academy, he'll have to leave the Enterprise and therefore the show, and Roddenberry isn't losing his author insert that easily. That being said, as much as I hate on Wesley, this is a damn good episode, even and especially his parts.
Wesley seems to be the early favorite; his hands-on experience as a bridge officer aboard the Enterprise gives him a leg up on the competition. The rivalry is friendly enough, though they're all keenly aware that only one of them will be getting into the Academy this year. Oliana appears to be sweet on Wesley, telling him “It's a good thing you're cute, Wesley, or you could really be obnoxious.” No no, don't sell him short. He can be obnoxious anyway. Wesley isn't too concerned about the portions of the test he can study for, but he is anxious about the “psych test” where they analyze your personality profile to pinpoint your greatest fear and expose you to it. Hey, who wouldn't be nervous to be suspended naked over the edge of the Burj Khalifa with a piranha-filled aquarium attached to their scrotum? (If this was not your greatest fear beforehand, it is now.)
After Remmick gives a glowing report of the affairs of the Enterprise (and even asks Picard to consider him for placement when his current assignment is over), Admiral Quinn explains the purpose of the investigation. There are problems arising in the Federation, a threat brewing. Quinn isn't sure whether it's coming from outside or within, but he needs men he can trust as allies, and Picard has more than proven himself. Quinn offers him a promotion to Admiral and a posting as Commandant of Starfleet Academy, wanting to keep him close. Picard mulls over it, but decides to turn down the offer for now. The Enterprise is where he belongs. Still, Quinn knows he has an ally in the Frenchman, and this will be very important in an upcoming episode.
During the dynamic relationships test, Mordock appears to be having trouble, and Wesley is able to pep-talk him through it. As a consequence, Mordock finishes ahead of Wesley, and actually sets a record as second-fastest solve time ever. Wesley may have cost himself the test by helping Mordock. But the final test is yet to come: the psych test. As Wesley sits in a blank white room waiting for it to begin, he hears an explosion nearby, and runs to investigate. Broken conduits and pipes fill a nearby room and a coolant leak is imminent. Inside are two men, one whose legs are crushed by a pipe, and one who is uninjured but crippled by fear. Wesley has to choose which to save, and opts to drag the man with the crushed legs out of the room before the automatic seal kicks in, leaving the other man to die. Of course, as soon as he leaves the room, it's revealed that this was the psych test. Wesley's greatest fear was to be put in a situation where he had to choose who lived and who died, because that was how his father died under Picard's command.
The results of the competition come in, and Mordock is the winning candidate. Mordock protests this appointment because of the assistance he got from Wesley, but is informed that there was more taken into account than simply that incident. Wesley feels like he let down the Enterprise by failing to get accepted, but Picard reassures him that his true competitor is not any of the other candidates, but himself. He'll try the test again next year, and he'll do better. After all, Picard failed his entrance exam the first time around too.
NITPICKS
In this episode, Wesley Crusher, who outperforms every officer aboard the Enterprise, fails his Academy placement exam. I mean think about it. Every single officer aboard the Enterprise has taken, and passed, this exam, yet Wesley Crusher knows more than all of them and can't pass the entrance exam? I mean shit, if it's that hard to get into the Academy, why aren't starships populated entirely by exemplars? I know, I know, there are enlisted ranks of course, O'Brien being a notable enlisted man, but when was the last time you saw another character identified at a lower rank than Ensign?
Instead of walking around and sitting in a chair like a normal person, Riker just lifts a leg over the back of the chair to sit. I mean who does that? A 6'5” person, that's who.
FAVORITE QUOTES
Oliana: It's a good thing you're cute, Wesley, or you could really be obnoxious. See you later.
Wesley: Did you hear what she said, Mordock? She said I was cute.
Mordock: Is that good, Wesley?
Wesley: Yes! I think.
Remmick: Do you believe the captain is emotionally and psychologically fit for command of this starship? There is nothing in his history or his personality that would suggest mental lapses?
Troi: Nothing.
Remmick: Not even the Ferengi incident with his old ship, the Stargazer?
Troi: He was being controlled by a mind altering machine, Commander. Without his knowledge.
Remmick: I would call that a mental lapse.
Wesley: I thought there was nothing that could frighten a Klingon warrior.
Worf: Only fools have no fear.
Wesley: I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I'm asking too many personal questions.
Worf: It is very difficult for me to depend on anyone for anything. But especially for my life.
Wesley: But on the Enterprise you do that every day. Everyone depends on everyone else to protect them.
Worf: Yes.
Wesley: So you overcame it?
Worf: No. It is still my enemy.
Remmick: But how did that child acquire access to a shuttlecraft?
Riker: Kurland is a highly qualified Enterprise Academy candidate, fully trained in many areas including shuttles.
Remmick: And did this full training include discipline?
Picard: Mister Remmick, young men sometimes make rash choices.
Remmick: Your Captain is not what he appears to be. Do not forget you have loyalty to Starfleet above all else.
Data: Loyalty is not the issue, Commander. There is nothing wrong with Captain Picard or the ship's logs. Therefore there must be something wrong with your original assumption.
Remmick: That is not acceptable, Mister Data.
Data: Acceptable or not, sir, it is the truth.
Remmick: Admiral, I've done my best to be thorough during this investigation.
Quinn: Continue.
Remmick: I couldn't find what you asked, sir. I spoke to officer after officer, at length. I pried into the ships log reports. And yet I could find nothing wrong. Except, perhaps, a casual familiarity among the Bridge crew, but mostly that comes from a sense of teamwork, and the feeling of family. I'm sorry, sir. I did my best.
Quinn: Quite. You're dismissed, Commander.
Remmick: Yes, sir. Captain Picard, my tour in the Inspector General's office will be up in six months. When I'm finished, this is where I'd like to serve, sir.
In the spirit of embracing my inner Trek, and to honor this classic episode, I have placed myself in a malfunctioning transporter to split myself into two halves, the good and the evil half, to review this episode. For a visual shorthand, the evil side has agreed to use italics. I agree to nothing! I'm ChronoTrek! He's the impostor! Nobody's the impostor, we're two halves of the same whole. Whatever, nerd. Let's watch this episode with the hot chick in the beehive.
So after a crewman gets injured on a survey mission of a planet, he's transported back to the Enterprise, but he's covered in this yellow magnetic substance that makes the transporter malfunction. Kirk transports up right afterward, but as he materializes on the pad, something's wrong. Yeah, I'll say. The little weakling almost faints and has to be taken to his quarters by Scotty. What a baby. At least another Kirk beams in. Now this one's a real man's man. A man who drinks Saurian brandy straight from the bottle. A man who knows what he wants and takes it. And what he wants is Yeoman Rand. And who could blame him? That beehive is surely asking for it. Of course the little tease fights him off, leaving a couple beauty marks on his face. You ought to thank her for that, Evil Kirk (or as I like to call him, Awesome Kirk). Chicks dig facial scars.
The little wuss orders the awesomely improved transporter shut down until further notice, because he clearly doesn't want to create an Awesome Sulu (which, to be fair, might be too dangerous for the internet to handle). This ends up with a plus though, because the planet gets freezing cold at night and the four men will have to cuddle up to stay warm. Three men under the blankets with Sulu? Ohhh myyyy.
Spock and Girk track down Evil Kirk to the engineering deck, where he's armed with a phaser. Girk distracts him while Spock sneaks up from behind and uses his Vulcan nerve pinch for the first time, an elegant attack for a more civilized age. This doesn't stop his phaser from going off, which improbably hits a circuit for the transporter itself, setting Scotty's repairs back several hours. In the meantime, Evil Kirk is put in restraints on a biobed in sickbay, where McCoy learns that both sides are incomplete, neither are in good health, and they truly need each other. Scotty ends up rerouting transporter power through the impulse engines (much like one reroutes cell phone power through a cigarette lighter) and attempts to recombine the two dogs into one. It works, but at a slight risk—the dog dies in the process. After some hemming and hawing, Girk decides he ought to risk it anyway, with command going to Spock should he die.
Whatever, Awesome Kirk doesn't need any of that. He lets the weak Kirk think he's ready for the procedure so he can get out of the restraints, then beats the crap out of him and gets to the bridge, where he decides it would be hilarious if the Enterprise left the crew down on the planet. That stupid Spock thinks something's wrong with this order right as the wimpy Kirk shows up on the bridge, and Awesome Kirk becomes Slightly Less Awesome Kirk as he actually listens to the crap the wimp tells him. They hug on the transporter (perhaps a bit of Sulu got mixed in with their pattern, if you know what I mean) aaaand recombine into a wholly formed, complete Kirk, aggression tempered by intellect, ambition combined with good sense. The transporter fixed, the away team is rescued from the freezing weather, and all is well again on the Federation flagship.
NITPICKS
The mission patch on Kirk's tunic is missing at the beginning of the episode and magically appears without time to explain a costume change.
Look, I get it that this was the sixties and all, but did they really think a friggin spray bottle would be hi-tech medical equipment in the 23rd century?
Why is Rand demanding to call Mr. Spock instead of ship's security?
Sulu and the rest of the landing party are imperiled because the transporter can't be used and the planet will soon drop to -120°... so... why not take a shuttle?
I assume those blankets are highly insulating. Sulu has no reason to keep his face uncovered other than face time for the camera. He should completely cover it.
There's an obvious reverse shot of Evil Kirk where his scratches are on the wrong side of his face.
FAVORITE QUOTES
Good Kirk: Our good doctor's been putting you on again.
Spock: Hmm. Well in that case, if you'll excuse the intrusion, Captain, I'll get back to my work.
Good Kirk: I'll tell him you were properly annoyed.
Spock: You're the captain of the ship. You can't afford to be vulnerable in the eyes of the crew. You can't afford the luxury of being anything less than perfect. If you do, they lose faith, and you lose command.
Good Kirk: Yes, I do know that, Mister Spock. What I don't know... is why I forgot that just now.
Evil Kirk: I'm Captain Kirk! I'm Captain Kirk!
Spock: And what is it that makes one man an exceptional leader? We see here indications that it's his negative side which makes him strong, that his evil side, if you will, properly controlled and disciplined, is vital to his strength.
McCoy: We all have our darker side. We need it! It's half of what we are. It's not really ugly. It's human.
McCoy: The intelligence, the logic. It appears your half has most of that. And perhaps that's where man's essential courage comes from. For you see, he was afraid, and you weren't.
McCoy: He's dead, Jim.
Spock: Being split in two halves is no theory with me, doctor. I have a human half, you see, as well as an alien half, submerged, constantly at war with each other. Personal experience, doctor. I survive it because my intelligence wins over both, makes them live together.
Kirk: Help me. Somebody make the decision.
Spock: Are you relinquishing your command, Captain?
Kirk: No. No I'm not.
McCoy: Well then, we can't help you, Jim. The decision is yours.
Evil Kirk: I'll kill you!
Good Kirk: Can half a man live?
