#chritsuki

"-Only miss the sun when it starts to snow. Only know you love her when you let her go.."

Natsuki stood up and walked over to the radio, changing stations with a sigh escaping her mouth. She was happy to have learned to use the device by now, otherwise she would have had to sit through the annoying song or leave the room. Her feet lead her back to her seat after she had settled on a classical music channel. Now able to relax on the couch, Natsuki leaned against the backrest and allowed her eyes to close so that the music could truly fill her.

Despite slowly being taken over by the sound of a calming piano piece, a part of her thoughts stayed with the previous song even though she only heard the first few sentences this time. The first few times she heard the song, Natsuki hadn't focused much on words but rather let it be a background noise. Once she really listened to it, her dislike for the song begun. Did she understand love perfectly? Of course not, she was still young and in the end no one really did. However she felt like she understood it better than that song. With the piano music coming from the radio, her thoughts easily drifted to Christian, like they often did these days when she wasn’t doing anything.

The first time she could remember feeling love towards the boy was when Christian had made her use his shoes while they looked for food, despite it being clear that she was more accustomed to being barefoot. Back then Natsuki hadn't tried to name the feeling that had warmed her up inside, but looking back with the knowledge and understanding she had now made it easy to put a name to how she had felt then. From that day on she had felt more at peace and actually happy than she had maybe ever before then. The second time the feeling had jumped at her hadn't been much after the first time. Being a runaway definitely wasn’t easy, but even a life like that had its peaceful moments. Honestly for the life of her she couldn't remember what she had said, the heat that had warmed up her face after hearing Christian laugh for the first time. It hadn't been anything big, but had made her chuckle along with her runaway partner.

The third, fourth and fifth times came tumbling after, soon creating an avalanche of moments that warmed her up and by now she had lost count of them. Maybe it had been silly to even try to count something like this, but at least trying gave her an excuse to look back at everything. Some of what she had tried to count hadn't even been moments but more like looks and expressions. Christian with drenched hair after getting caught up in the rain, the look in his eyes whenever he talked about his mother, the glimmer in his eyes when he found something funny, how his hair got a little messy when he bundled up in a blanket when cold, little secrets between them, comforting hugs, each conversation with things meant for only the other one to hear and the list went on.

Love might grow and come slow, but it wouldn't go or run out any faster, if one really cherished it. Natsuki wouldn't even deny missing warm sunny days during storms if rain or snow, but why should she worry about missing something in the future that she had right now. She knew her love for Christian went deep and never had she needed to let go of the feeling or Christian. No, knowing you love someone didn't come because you let them go and real love wouldn't burn out without a warning, because real love, like real fire, would flourish if one tended to it and took care of it. You shouldn't take it for granted, but remember how lucky you are. Doubts and thoughts of a possible end wouldn't help and in the worst case would only bring forth the end faster. Natsuki knew from experience that the future might never be what you imagine it to be, but she preferred it that way. Life would alway have its highs and lows so she decided to enjoy her highs like she wanted to.