#christopher troy

V. An abandoned or empty place.

They’d been having Jeff over for dinner every week since he’d signed with Vegas. It seemed natural, something that just unfolded without discussion. Jeff hadn’t wanted to live with them, which was fine by Christopher – they loved each other, but Jeff drove him nuts sometimes with his music and his inability to be alone for very long. Jeff loved company, even if it was just sitting around company. It was great for childcare. And Christopher was, honestly, used to being around a bunch of people all the time. It was just...

Christopher liked being alone – especially now that he and Bethany had such a big family. Having time to himself was a precious thing, some kind of luxury, and Jeff didn’t seem to understand the difference between sitting quietly with someone and being alone. 

Not that Christopher didn’t love his kid brother. He just wanted to, like, chill out alone sometimes.

Still, lately it seemed like they’d seen Jeff less and less. Kent had moved out, getting his own place, and Jeff’s constant presence in their house dwindled along with Kent’s. It was… fine, but weird. Glancing at the empty chair during dinner, Christopher tried to remember the last time Jeff had come by without Kent.

It was difficult to pinpoint. 

Ugh, his phone was ringing. Jeff dropped his bread into the toaster slots before picking up. “Hello?”

“Hey, Jeff,” Christopher said.

“Hey, man. What’s up?” Jeff pushed the lever on the toaster, shoving his bread down into it.

“You busy?”

Jeff frowned. “No,” he said, “but if you’re looking for a babysitter you know Kent would do anything to hold Teddy for the next million years.” He took the peanut butter out of his cabinet.

“Nah, I’m not looking for a babysitter,” Christopher said. “I was just gonna see if you wanted to hang out.”

55. “Oh God, he’s serious.”

“Why don’t we put something on the jersey?” Christopher asked.

“Yeah!” Kent wouldn’t be back for the rest of the season. He was done. He’d already been back to the hospital once with continuing symptoms and he hadn’t even been allowed to go to away games at all.

“Like what, though?” asked De los Santos.

“Not Believe,” said Jeeves. “No way. I love Parser, but no way.”

“No,” said Jeff, “not believe. You serious? We should put something super fucking gay on there.”

“Like what?” Tremblay stared. “A fucking rainbow or some shit? No way.”

“You’re a genius,” Jeff said. He grinned. A rainbow. Perfect.

“No,” said Tremblay, “c’mon, man. I was kiddin--”

“A rainbow spade,” Jeff said. “Like the logo. Just, you know. Gay as fuck.”

“Oh God, he’s serious,” said Roy.

“Hell yeah I am,” Jeff said.

“I like it,” Christopher said. “Somebody call Coach.”

“I’ll text Sara,” De los Santos said. 

D. Subtle kindnesses.

“Here,” Christopher said, holding out a beer.

Jeff looked up from his spot on the porch. “Oh – thanks, man.” Taking it, he cracked it open.

Christopher sat down next to him, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. “Did you guys have fun today?” he asked. Having Kent up for the summer was… unexpected, honestly, but he wasn’t sure why. Jeff was weird about Kent Parson. 

“Yeah,” said Jeff. “Well, mostly.” He took a swig of his beer. “I should’ve known Kent would hate chuckwagon racing.”

Laughing, Christopher nodded. “He’s wimpy like that,” he said.

“Yeah, well.” Jeff shrugged one shoulder. “I guess it is kinda violent,” he said. “Maybe if he had a girl to impress he’d be cooler about it.”

Christopher glanced at Jeff. His face was soft, eyes thoughtful as he stared up at the sky. He leaned back on one hand, holding his beer with the other.

Not for the first time that year, Christopher wished he were a more tactful, sensitive guy. He and Jeff were close, but they didn’t – well, they didn’t talk about everything. Jeff hadn’t spoken to him about why he’d asked Parse up for a visit, but Christopher was pretty sure he had an idea. Mushy heart-to-hearts weren’t his thing, but – “Hey.” He nudged Jeff with one shoulder. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“How did you know,” Jeff asked, words coming out slow, “that you loved Bethany?”

Ah. So he was figuring himself out, then. Christopher looked back up at the sky. Fuck, he was supposed to say something deep, right? “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just, y’know. I couldn’t imagine my life without her, I guess. She makes me a better person.”

“Yeah.” Jeff took another long drink of his beer. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”

Bethany stretched both arms up over her head, letting out a long, windy sigh. Christopher still had his forehead on her shoulder. Turning her head, she kissed him. “Hey,” she said. 

“Hey,” he murmured. Pushing up on one arm, he brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “Do you remember when we were sixteen and we got stuck in the loft of your uncle’s barn overnight?”

Bethany laughed. God, how could she forget? It was pouring rain and they hadn’t realized that Jason had taken the ladder for something during their… rendezvous. “Of course I do,” she said. “I still have that flannel shirt.”

“Oh my god,” said Christopher, “no, you don’t. That’s ridiculous.”

“Do so,” Bethany said. “It’s in the bottom of my dresser.”

Christopher wound a bit of her hair around his finger. “When I took you home that morning, your dad tried to give me the shotgun talk, did you know that?”

“What?” Bethany laughed again, winding her arms around his torso. “That’s – what did you say?” After all, they’d been out all night. Surely her parents had known what they were doing.

“I told him that if you didn’t want me around, you’d let me know yourself,” Christopher said. “And that I didn’t have any illusions about being good enough for you.”

“Aw, ferret,” she said. “You’re the only one for me.”

“That’s how I know you’re crazy.” Christopher grinned. “That and all those kids.”

The soft sound of the fan was the only thing she could hear for a few minutes until – the baby was crying. Again. 

Christopher sighed, dropping his head down to rest his forehead against hers. “I’ll go,” he said, a minute later.

“I love you,” Bethany said.

Christopher pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, too, brown eyes.”

Bethany is, Christopher thinks, the most incredible being on the face of the planet. She is cuddled up with Oliver and they’ve both fallen asleep, tucked up under a blanket on the sofa while the menu of Star Wars repeats over and over on the TV. Her dark hair is a fluffy, fuzzy bun and she’s wearing his old jersey from Juniors.

She told him she’s pregnant again yesterday. 

They’ve been married a long time, now. Christopher is amazed, sometimes, that she puts up with their life – the hockey, his schedule, all the time out of town. With Julianna and Oliver in school, Bethany stays home while Christopher goes on roadies, now. They talk on the phone but it isn’t the same, and he misses her and the way she makes any bed she sleeps in smell like Love’s Baby Soft, the same perfume she’s worn since high school.

He wonders if their baby will be a boy or a girl. Julianna is very much her mother’s child, strong willed and buoyant beyond belief, glass half full. Both their children have her honey colored eyes and her finely boned hands and, somehow, her optimism.

She makes everything work. She always has – they’d married so, so young and Christopher knew he was lucky to make the money he made, to be able to support their family so that Bethany could stay home with the kids the way she wanted to. She loved volunteering for class trips and going to PTA meetings, but it didn’t make Christopher feel better about the things he missed.

Bethany loves being a mom. Christopher knows that about her, the same way he knows her happiest laugh and the crooked line of her teeth, the same way he knows what she’ll order for breakfast anywhere they go and what movie she’ll put in when the baby is up all night.

She shifts on the sofa when he bends down to kiss her forehead. 

“Love you,” she murmurs, as he lifts Oliver and settles him against his shoulder.

“I love you,” Christopher says, tucking the blanket back up to her chin.

Oh, you know. Hung out with friends. Watched the Olympics. Ate some food. Tried not to be jealous ;)