It Was Awkward | 19th
Days are passing by too quick lately and Christmas is just around the corner. You can feel the cold morning breeze and everyone does their Christmas shopping already. While me, I am still contemplating how I can survive in a day.
Everything has changed and I don't feel the Christmas vibe anymore like the feeling I used to feel when I was younger. The moment I woke up listening to Christmas song played by my Dad, a morning breakfast from my Mom and the cold shower. Wearing jacket on the way home and wrapping up myself in comforter because it is too cold. I miss those good old days when everything is so simple and easy. I wish I could turn back time and so I can feel that feeling again.
Anyway, today has been one of the most awkward feeling I had in my life. I feel like I am such a loser from thinking of liking someone I shouldn't be liking. I mean, I should kept myself distant and not took a lot of chances to interact with that person because I knew crystal clear that it ain't gonna be possible. I mean, I don't expect a return to this but, I feel like when everyone knows about it, I feel ashamed to that person because I liked them. I don't exactly know what should I feel towards this. I feel like he is avoiding me and I did that too. I feel awkward to him and I feel he is too. Why it is so hard for me to deal this kind of this in my life? I just feel like I shouldn't be entertaining any thoughts related to him because it makes it more complex for me to dive in.
It was crazy and it is taking away energy a lot.
Other than that shitty feeling, I went home early and I managed to booked our venues. It is my own kind of effort and I feel like they don't appreciate it. They just seen it and it was like nothing. So, after that I will be more less active in that party, it is better off that I will be hands off to this.
I am just trying to entertain the idea that I managed to do it — ALONE.
I run a quick watson shopping and I bought facial wash, deos, and cologne. I bought burgers too, and I had a ramen in Tokyo Tokyo.
Today is such a rollercoaster feels for me. I hope tomorrow, I will be able to lessen the stress in my head.
Good night.
Love always,
iankarlo
