Garth Brooks As Chris Gaines ‎– “Lost In You” Jukebox Only 7"

Tracklist 1 Lost In You 3:05 2 It Don't Matter To The Sun 4:21

Notes FOR JUKEBOXES ONLY

10 For Sale from $3.99

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Avg Rating: 4.0 / 5 Ratings: 2

Last Sold: 22 Jan 18 Lowest: $2.75 Median: $3.98 Highest: $3.99

With the release of his 13th studio album 4:44, Jay-Z has quietly but efficiently illustrated why Kanye West should shut the fuck up as well as aptly deliver all the reasons why we should leave Kanye to suffer in the Sunken Place...

...and. also, I guess, produce an album that's simultaneously raw, riveting, and wholly vulnerable while still managing to be a sonic masterpiece by its own merits.

The discussion amongst multiple music platforms, as well as the general listening public, is currently dominated by the cultural, emotional, and intellectual framework the album works within. While I support the dissemination of yet another entry into the Musical Hall Of Unapologetic Blackness, I must profess a profound sense of confusion. Confusion stemming from the fact that the Gods have already seen fit to bless us with the audio equivalent of your grandma's shortbread with the butter on the top. What am I referring to you (shamefully) ask?

Chris Gaines/Garth Brook's 'The Life Of Chris Gaines,' of course.

Here he is lookin' like a human Hefty bag that has sex with your wife every day before she picks up the kids from school.

Like, for real, though, this is the shit that most clubs refuse to play for fear that they're gonna be paying the child support for every baby conceived on the dance floor. Every lyric in this melodic, exclusively coconut oil-based massage is dripping with the subtext of "Why are your panties still on?" I could travel the world with the women I love, build a life together including buying our first home in addition to having our first child, and I still would find it hard to blame her if she left me for Chris Gaines after spotting him in the electronic section of Target.

If given a choice between ratifying the national holiday dedicated to Martin Luther King Jr. or instead devoting it entirely to learning how dude got his bangs so fresh...I'm just saying, I would need a few minutes to think some shit over.

I'm just going to list my three favorite tracks cause some of ya'll be on that, "but my momma says I can only stay out til the streetlights come on" shit when it comes to your attention span.

That's the Way I Remember It

From jump, dude already firing off vocals cleaner than your aunt's plastic-wrapped couch. You can play this in an abandoned Hillshire Farm packaging warehouse and still somehow end up having sex with 97' era Vivica A. Foxx.

I give this one 3 out of 5 buttered, erect nipples.

Lost in You

Already learned you about it earlier but, TL;DR, you better stretch before you put this on because it's gonna get inside you whether you want it to or not. (no Cosby)

I give this one 4 out of 5 "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you two to leave the movie theater. We don't take kindly to OTPHJ's (Over The Pants Hand Jobs) here.

Snow in July

The title alone lets you know how deep this joint is. 'Snow In July'? That shit don't happen unless you live in an area where you can, like, reasonably expect to see polar bears and penguins and shit on your drive to the post office. This song is more emotionally available than Drake after watching 13 Reasons Why, fam.

I give this one 5 out of 5 Clearblue Plus Pregnancy Test Sticks that just say the word 'YASSS' where it designates whether you're pregnant or not.

You know, the ones next to the tests that always play "Mask on/Fuck it, Mask Off" when you take them out of the box.

For one, bruh has the biggest pair of balls on him this side of KellyAnne Conway with her Ghost Of Democracy Past-lookin' ass. Dude, don't care what kind of rush your in, fuck whatever fam you're visiting, tell the doctor that's waiting to perform surgery that could save your life to choke on a stale dick, he's gonna sit right in the middle of Grand Central Station and eye-fuck the camera so hard that it has to pee afterwards to avoid a UTI. It's this type of brazen ' fuck everybody' attitude is the exact thing that could save the world. Or, at the very least, save you 20% at dinner because you made a scene about how your gazpacho was "chilled but not, like, chilled chilled. Ya know?"

"I'm blocking the wheelchair ramp, you say? Word? How about a handicapped-accessible ass whoopin', my dude? That's right, roll on."