@chordboundāā || MENG YAO
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Meng Yao is everything a man should hope to be. He never forgets his manners, not even when faced with a lack thereof, heās punctual, diligent, RELIABLE, smart but not cunning, intellectual but not condescending, patient, modest, diplomatic.. there isnāt a trait Nie Mingjue dislikes when he looks at him. He named him vice general to prove a point, to award his perseverance and to show him that heās seen but also to make the others aware of their wrongdoing. Be that as it may, he hasnāt regretted this decision even once since that day. Meng Yao continues to prove himself to be the kind of man Nie Mingjue admires, the kind of man he told him to be: good and virtuous to a point where no one will dare to say a bad word about him. Deeds matter more than the circumstances of oneās birth and Meng Yao is living prove for that.
Itās not often that someone succeeds in moving Mingjueās heart in this manner. He trusts and loves all his brothers in arms, would fight and die for them without a secondās thought; but Meng Yao is SPECIAL. Over time heās grown more fond of him than he expected to and though he tells himself that it cannot be a priority it becomes harder and harder to deny what he feels. For the first time in a long time he wants something for himself, something that isnāt related to the legacy of his ancestors or the good of their family. A true heartās desire that isnāt as easily pushed aside as the meaningless pleasures found in drinking and idle talk. It rests heavy on his chest and accompanies his thoughts whether Meng Yao is in the room with him or off somewhere else. When heās there Mingjue is distracted by the way he moves, by the sparkle in his eyes and the dimples in his cheeks when he smiles. When heās not around he wonders where he is, what he does, if heās smiling or not.
Thereās rarely a chance to do more than THINKĀ about him. Just as Mingjue always has one or another matter to attend to Meng Yao is an expert at keeping busy making himself useful. The irony of his eagerness to be as important to him as he can be being the reason he gets less of him in the way he craves is not beyond Nie Mingjue.
Ā Ā Ā Today, it seems, the fates are merciful. It is a slow day without any pressing matters or emergencies to deal with and Mingjue actually has the morning to himself. The usual routines still have to be performed, but they carry no weight.
Mingjueās mind and temperament, for once, are at peace, and the soft expression on his face mirrors that as his eyes follow Meng Yao through the room, stowing away the maps they looked at earlier with the same precision and naturalness he does everything else. Mingjueās lips part to say something but it never comes over his lips. He knows what comes next. Meng Yao will finish his task, turn to him and inquire if thereās anything else he can be of help with. If the answer is no, heāll excuse himself to do one of the seemingly countless things he always finds that need to be taken care of and Nie Mingjue wonāt see him for the rest of the day until he calls for him. Itās become a comfortable CONSTANTĀ - but today he doesnāt want to see it happen just yet. Instead of calling for Meng Yao he gets up from his seat and walks over, stopping not too close to him.
Ā Ā Ā āThank you,ā he says as soon as the other turns around and suddenly those beautiful warm eyes are on him, and him alone.
Outside the disciples are training, their shouts coming in through the walls albeit muffled. Itās anything but silent but for a moment everything feels calm and timeless.
Ā Ā Ā āI..ā Nie Mingjue starts, his eyes flickering to Meng Yaoās lips and back up to his eyes.Ā āI appreciate the work you do very much, Meng Yao.. Any general would count himself lucky to have a man like you by his side.ā Itās an honest compliment, a true reflection of his feelings, but itās also a pitiful attempt at STALLINGĀ while he musters up the courage to say what he really wishes to say. Mingjue looks as if he has more to say but falls silent for a moment.
Maybe saying it wonāt bring him the relief he hopes for anyway. Strangely it also requires more courage than what he does NEXT.
Taking a step closer he presses his lips against Meng Yaoās, his arm curling around his waist to pull him close. An unknown euphoria spreads inside his heart like warm oil poured into his chest. Yaoās lips are soft, as is his skin, the little sound he makes, when his breath hitches in his throat, maddening. He smells flowery and spicy sweet, gentle but enticing and Mingjue wants to never breathe anything else again in his life. But their moment doesnāt last long. Just a few heartbeats pass before Nie Mingjue remembers where he is and what he is doing. He pulls away with a step back, lowering his eyes with a twinge of SHAMEĀ and regret sprouting in his heart. He overstepped, and greatly so.
Ā Ā Ā ā---Forgive me. I shouldnāt take what isnāt mine.ā There is more to be said, more to ATONEĀ for but for once the ever upright Nie Mingjue cannot face the immediate consequences of his actions. What brought him such uncharted mirth a moment ago now feels like a TREASUREĀ he reached for undeservingly. Unable to bear looking at Meng Yao again he steps away and out of the room, his feelings in a turmoil.