#chocoborks

Galduo’s uneven shoulders slump, like a tarnished set of brass scales. “u evre si a gril n u jstu noe shez teh 1???’”

CAHHH nods sagely, tucking a few inches of cock behind his ear. “teh moemnt i saw @themissimmortal i new it wuz luv @ furst sitte.”

“ok bt liek wat teh fukk liek howe do u deel wit theze feelegengs?”

“shtu teh fukk upp en ill tel u jeez” CAHHH grumbles. “neways u gota jsut jerkk ur dikk util ur cummeng dust tehn cry urself 2 sleep.”

“…taths it???”

“hlel yah werks everityme. my dikc is delivoping sum wickked scahhs its prety sweeet.”

Chocobork summon

Gabe the Dog no decepciona. 

Ear-blistering Boston accent (thanks @diabolik-trash-heap)

Subsists on a diet of mostly slim jims and red vines; refuses to eat any food that isn’t long and thin.

His dick is 20 feet long but rolls up like a fire hose (again, thanks @diabolik-trash-heap)

Sleeps in a dog bed

Has a life-sized portrait of @themissimmortal‘s face tattooed on his chest (”MAASH”)

Carries an inflatable katana at all times. (It squeaks)

Voice of an angel, but only knows Nickelback songs

Wears velour sweatpants that say JUICY on the ass in glitter

has an ass like two deflated basketballs, both cheeks are wildly different sizes

writes love-letters to Egniss, stuffs them into his mouth when he sleeps at night

uniboob

sleeps in a tanning bed

13 nipples (12, one of them’s just old crusty leftovers from dinner)

mouth and tongue are always blue from slurpees (thanks @cupnoodle-queen for reporting this fact)

mustard stains from chilidogs on every piece of clothing she owns

- Will cry into your belly button and ask to drink from it

- Dick shaped like a horse shoe

- Tries to take sexy pictures of you but lens cap is on the whole time

- Likes to be called a “SEXY WIDDLE BABY” in bed

- Asks you to dress up like Kenny Crow and mistakes you for SLEP PRINCE when he’s fucking you

- Sounds like a turtle having sex when he cums

- Gets so excited he starts spitting everywhere. Think about how Beavis spits in Beavis and Butthead.

- NINE INCH NELSON is his go-to music for sexy times

- His orgasms are as messy as his badly-drawn squiggly penis

- Misses the target hole constantly because of his squiggly dick and runny egg-looking eyes

- Randomly screams

- Thinks quoting Rob Schneider movies is sexy talk.

- He sometimes goes to SLEP in the middle of sex.