#chip butty

it's not often that a sandwich hurts me.

for this meditation, i knew i needed assistance. british chips are different from american fries, and to my great shock we do not have any chippies in rural southern us.

i turned to my scheming advisors, the talk section of the wikipedia article:

i think they're trying to poison me.

but i did so. i made soft fries, heavily salt-and-vinegared them, got awful supermarket bread, shoved as many as i could in there. i tossed in some ketchup because i was already having a bad time and figured it couldn't get much worse.

this is not the worst sandwich i've eaten (she is coming soon). however, it is the most disrespectful. "homogeneous mass" is the perfect descriptor, holy shit. the bread was untoasted, so the softness of the bread kind of... molded into the grainy starch of the potatoes. the only flavor beyond CARB! was the ketchup, and a faint whisper of vinegar in the background. but even my picky ass could barely pick out the ketchup. it had all melded into a category ten Beige Meal.

LoOoOk...

Its a chip butty

Chip Butty.

Yes, it is a sandwich.

Big Mac stands on a chip butty.

So earlier this week, the lovely @nikkydash graced us with this art featuring the betas, with a British Amity in particular:

Of course, two things clicked in my head right away:

1. Fuck, Amity's face is so cute here, she loves her ridiculous fucking sandwich so much

2. I could make this sandwich

So, naturally, with no other real dinner plans, my dumb ass decided to tackle this monstrosity.

Anyways, let's dive into making a...

Beans and Toast and Cheesy Chip Sandwich!

(Or chip butty, if that suits you better)

Here's a shot of the main ingredients

I want to note that those beans cost $3.39. Fucking imports, man.

Anyway, let's make the cheese sauce:

The yellow is from the turmeric, if you were wondering. The cheddar I used was white.

Next we fry our chips, aka steak fries

Then heat up the beans

This is where I started having misgivings. UK peeps, I won't lie: these beans are severely underwhelming. They taste vaguely of tomato and nothing else. Definitely not worth the marked up price I paid.

Well, onwards and upwards!

The final component: buttered toast

And now for final assembly

Okay, all assembled, and I think I did an okay job of making it look palatable, at least.

Now to try it!

'Tis a messy boi, I must say.

And the final verdict?

A resounding...meh.

The cheese sauce is decent enough, even if the turmeric throws me off a bit. And I'll say the concept of a chip butty overall isn't a bad one. I can get behind carb-on-carb action. The weak link, as you might guess, is those damn beans. They simply don't bring anything all that interesting to the table. Honestly, I think if I used some American style baked beans, or even pork and beans, that would be a massive improvement. As it is, I was aiming to replicate what you'd conceivably get in a British chip shop, and Heinz is the premier brand across the pond.

So there you have it! My foray into Culinary Jackass! Could've been worse, but definitely could have been better.

I will say this: tomorrow I should have something better for y'all...

🌮🐉

For comparison: