#childishlove

These are my thoughts written to my sophomore crush who somehow turned out to be different than what he seemed before. I stumbled upon this since I went through my sent email and this caught my attention. Arghh! Reading year-long thoughts or essays really embarrass me. But I have to remind myself that it’s just one full proof that I have improved on my language and writing skills. Haha. Nevertheless, I want to share this to you all and I will have this serve as a throwback since it’s Thursday! Yay!

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You have that aura that I can’t thoroughly describe Whenever you start talking to me. Even just a word My heart immediately responds And I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. But I just can’t help but smile And think that I used to like this guy, Used to like you a lot, And I keep saying to myself Those feelings should never go back Cause we all know you have your eyes on that one special girl for What seems like forever. And the saddest part? She’s my close friend.

I still remember the time I matched you two out. And that made me very happy to see You guys are happy too. And in that moment, I realized and felt that maybe, just maybe, that is what true love really is. It’s all about joy and seeing someone you care about so happy that makes all this love…beautifully crafted in ways we can not define.

You know, I used to write songs and poems and other crazy things about you. And whenever I look back to the memories and think, I would laugh about how foolish I am. But I guess that’s just normal when you love. Up until now I still keep the book along with the letter you gave me for Christmas. I even bet you don’t know I have a piece of red feather on your angel costume you wore. That pink pizza box you gave for Valentine’s? It’s here, too. And I felt really happy cause I was one of those girls you have given to. I see you on stage and I can’t help but just…stare. Transfixed along with those other brown-eyed girls. After that, you’d smile your signature I’m-hot-don’t-mess-with-me smile And I’d be like, oh no… Not again.

I don’t want to be those other girls who have also fallen in your eyes. Cause I don’t want to be just a girl. I want to be the girl. And we both know that will never happen. Not in a million years.

You’re crazy, you’re incredibly annoying, obnoxious, big-headed, and mean. I know these are the reasons I kept telling myself over and over to stop this nonsense feeling. But why does everytime I keep telling myself these words the less it’s becoming true?

Meanwhile, I’ve had this, my feelings, numb for a very long time. There are days, even weeks, that I didn’t care about you a bit. I even hated you at some point. Tried to, at least. I have my heart locked out and buried down. And somewhere in that deep recesses of mine, I know someday my heart will come up again and burst. And this time I’ll be ready for the moment when I finally and truly have to let go.

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