#child 1

Gavin (work child #1) arrives, 5 minutes later... "Hey baker! Tell me if I am wrong, but I would rather suck man dick -"

Me "you are super pretty and I'm fairly certain you could make a lot of money sucking dick... be it man or otherwise."

"BAKeeeEEerrRrr!!"

"Right... right, just saying but go on..."

He sighs, "so... man dick or hairy pussy?"

Me blinking at him, "I'm old school, not like you youngins, I am from the old world where we wooed our women by singing soulful songs whilst splashing in the rain, hairy pussy is for no fool and I would still eat it."

He considers me a second "dick or... gross pussy?"

"Hobo gross? Yeah no, definitely dick, but grow up and learn that hairy pussy is still good you won't be pretty for the rest of your life" (tbh he's really pretty and likely to only grow prettier unless somebody throws acid or something insane like that)

Sebastian (work child #2) chatting with another coworker "yeah so we-"

Aggie, "Wait, this the same girl?"

Sebastian "naah, I broke up with the other one last month, this is the new gf, yeah, no BRO imma dawg!"

Me sighing heavily as I scrub my focaccia rings, she laughs "baker do you hear this?!

I shake my head as he visibly panics, "my work children out here being such HOES! My poor Victorian heart cannot take it, I feel faint, fetch me my fainting seat! I am disappointed and distraught!"

"Wait... Baker! I- we... were were only dating! It wasn't a real relationship- AND I broke up with her, like really! I didnt ghost her or anything! I did it to her face!"

Aggie laughing as he hurries over to me by the sink. I contain my chuckle, "so, you were a man about it?"

"Yes! TOTALLY! Like you said, I didn't just disappear! I promise!"

Me smil8ng "that's what DATING is, a time period to figure out whether you like the person to the point that you decide that you want to commit, and that's when it turns into a relationship. But that includes the commitment thing- which is gross, be a hoe."

He laughs.

Back to Gavin, he comes up as I'm speaking to a manager, "Baker, how do you tell your gf her mom is like... super hot?"

Me- 😮 manager 🤣🤣🤣

"Well the thing is- we did our workout and she tells me that her mom made us food and I like food-"

Me nodding "understandable"

"Then I walk into her home and her mom is cooking at the stove in like this nightgow thing! And my floor hit the fucking ground cause she is so hot! Like... RIDICULOUSLY HOT, not that my gf ISNT pretty, but her mom is so-"

Manager "waaaaiiiiiit! How old is her mom?!"

Gavin "not sure but she falls in my age range, which is like, 20yo to-" eyeballs the manager "...50...ish"

She laughs and I fistpump the air "I STILL FALL IN YOUR AGE RANGE IN MOT TOO OLD!!!" manager laughs as he smiles at me and nods "but your still too young for me and I'm so old my bones creak, but your valid for wanting the older chick bud, older women pull shit out of the hat that you never knew could be done and they just smirk at you after it's all done"

He nods enthusiastically, "spitting straight facts and I am legal now, 18 is legal"

Manager laughing"oh my gawd! You two are too much!"

Me dying as he stares at me and shoves him over "your legal enough to get in trouble for crimes and arson! Not old enough to drink asshat!" He cackles

Both boys "baker you're so cool"