You’re probably expecting this to be a rant about how annoying it is when guys send unsolicited dick pics. And while that is annoying and will definitely not have the desired effect, that’s not what this post is about. 

I want to talk about the quality of dick pics. I like dicks and I like pics of dicks. But I’m so tired of bad dick pics. Guys generally put little to no thought into the quality of the dick pic, all they care about is making sure their dick looks as big as possible. What they don’t realize is that, with a little thought and effort, they could greatly increase the chances that this seduction tactic will actually work. Here are the top mistakes guys make when taking a dick pic:

1. Holding the camera under your dick and shooting up. From this angle your dick looks like a fucking skyscraper and I don’t want it anywhere near me. It just looks ridiculous. Seriously. Stop it. 

2. Taking a picture of JUST your dick. Give me some context - I want to see your leg, your stomach, and even better would be your hand wrapped around it, from a normal fucking angle. 

3. Starting out with a dick pic. Sometimes subtle is better. Start slowly. Tease me. Leave something to the imagination. Show me your bulge, grab it through your pants, tell me how hard I make you. Make me ask you for it. Nobody does that, but they should. It’s fucking hot. Am I right, ladies? 

4. Holding objects next to your dick to indicate the length or girth. I’m sure there are some size queens out there that will be excited by that, but I don’t know any. Most women (around 75%!) can not have an orgasm from penetrative sex alone so it doesn’t matter how big your dick is anyway. Do you have fingers? Take a picture of those instead. And repeat after me…clitoral stimulation.