#chernosasha

The question makes the medic nearly snort in laughter, but she buries her face in the long fur of the massive dog sitting in her lap in the small chair, effectively hiding her from view... except for perhaps a shoe. 

“I know. I’m sorry,” she says, shrinking into herself. Everyone had agreed that no one was at fault, everyone had tried everything they could to save the man. They tried their best and hardest and still, it wasn’t enough. That didn’t stop almost everyone from feeling guilty anyway. He knew what could happen every time he stepped into the Conn-pod. He did it, anyway. He once said that he didn’t want to die, but he wasn’t afraid to die and he’d do it in a heart beat if it came down to it. He said he wouldn’t go out quietly, though. It would be thrashing, gnashing, blood, metal, fire. He would go down and take something else with him. No, with them. But it wasn’t them. It was him. And then it was her. Just her. A widow of the Kaiju war. A widowed Ranger, at that. A widowed Ranger, who, with her partner, her husband, had the strongest neural bridge in the history of neural bridges. Sustaining a Drift like they had, as long as they had, and not suffered anything? Fighting like they had, as long and strong as they had, and not even a hitch? Lani had once joked that they could smash a walnut with their drift. The thought makes her sad because she can hear Aleksis’ raucous laughter as he said, “Jaegers are for smashing Kaiju, not walnuts! Bring me all your walnuts, I will smash them with my fists, like a smaller, hairier Cherno. No, really, bring me walnuts. It will be fun.” If she recalls correctly, there was some particularly strong beverages involved with that one. Bets were made, walnuts were smashed, people were twice as smashed, fun was had by all.Lani sighs silently and reaches up to pull Sasha down into one of those hugs where she can tuck the blonde woman under her chin. A secure, shielding, comforting hug... or at least, that was the attempt. She wonders if it’s as awkward and uncomfortable for the taller woman as it is for the shorter, but she figures Sasha would let her know if it is, and therefore doesn’t bother to ask. Instead she buries her nose in the bleached hair and hums some song from her childhood, something her grandfather sang to her when she was upset. The whole thing is disheartening to Lani, because her most basic instinct in life is to fix broken things, heal hurting, stop pain, and cure what ails. But she can’t fix this, heal this, stop this, or cure this. She can’t fix Sasha’s destroyed neural anything, can’t heal Sasha’s broken heart and soul, can’t cure Sasha of everything left behind by her bear, can’t stop Sasha from being the remaining half of a whole. She can’t make Sasha better. She feels helpless. She feels like a failure to her cause and the promise she made to mend and defend the Rangers. She’s useless. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

CAW CAW CAW WAAAAAAARK CAW CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CAW CAW *flappy flappy wing flap* CAW CAW CAW CAAAAAAAAAAW *flappity flap flap* CAW CAW CAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWYEEEEEEEEEEAH

tl;dr she’s awesome and I adore her and if you’re not following all four of her URLs something’s wrong with you.